Anyone have all the mutual friends take the cheaters side?

As this happened to me.

Surprisingly, for me, my first marriage, my family actually did that, not even hers.. I mean hers hated me anyway but MY OWN family? Ugh.

Now I'm facing yet another divorce too but he** no one is there to take my side anyway.

Sorry you're dealing with this. It sucks and hurts terribly to have friends or family do that to you.

Your mutual friends are stupid people. The cheater is always the one who sucks.

It's a very complex, painful situation all the way around. I am sorry you are hurting.

The most important thing is to focus on yourself and doing whatever you have to do to take care of you ... and heal.

Nope. I was the cheater. Multiple times. Everyone that knows about it hates me, and they make sure I know it.

Cheating is wrong!

If we desire to be with another people can't we respect each other at least enough to express our feelings.

Just my opinion. By the way I had cheated on my wife and I will carry the guilt to my grave.

I'm with Rose, complicated and painful all the way around. Would you care to define "cheat" and/or explain whether the mutual friends agree the other was a cheater? I cannot imagine anyone siding with a cheater would be someone I wanted to call "friend".

I am sorry, SmokeyPoole. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20. The fallout from a known affair is never pretty and lots of people get hurt.

I believe it's how we manage ourselves after a mis-step is what counts.

Just so there's no misunderstanding - my response was not flippant. I was the cheater. I was wrong. I deserve to be hated. If I don't like it, I should have thought about that before I decided how great it would be with another woman.

Birds of a feather flock together.

Bowhunt, no one deserves to be hated. That you did not consider consequences and messed up your life and hurt others is what "mistake" means; we have to keep making mistakes to learn (bright, sunny days and picnics don't make for learning much :-) You did not wake up one morning and decide, "Gee, think I'll deliberately cheat on my wife today and mess up our lives". That might get you hated but most of us are here on this site because we have interpersonal problems and difficulties, many situations complicated by mental illness where impulse control and early training is not that great.

Congratulations you are human. In all its glory. like it or not. Capable of compassion, empathy, altruism, aggression and fear.

We are experts at beating ourselves up (when things don't go as planned). And when they don't, there are plenty of people standing line, who can't wait to make us feel worse than we already do.

Sorry, but for me, that clubhouse is closed. I am a human being. Nothing more. Nothing less.

We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have. Some have more tools than others. Some have the specific tools but not for that particular job. Sometimes we find that we were using the wrong tool all along - and we didn't even know it.

And surprise! when we do realize it, it's too late. The damage is done for that particular job. But we learn from it.

Because they are so perfect

I believe actually hate and fear are of the same pathology.

I believe that my ex made up a story about me to make sure all my friends were on his side before he left me for a sexual relationship with a minor when we were 22. He ended up to be more screwed up in the head than I am... but having no friends left from that stage of my life hurts.

Oh, and 10 years after it all happened one of the friends said I was right about the story.