[eskielover]

Financial issues made it so I couldn't get a divorce when I first left my H 5 years ago & moved 2100 miles away....bringing only what a I could in the next to largest moving truck, driving across the country (some might remember supporting me through that trip 5 years ago)......but anyway.......fast forward 4 years......he quit paying the property taxes....said he didn't have the money.....then when they forced an escrow account on the loan, he couldn't afford to pay the loan, or so he claimed, when I finally found out that all of this was going on.

House is in foreclosure.....after I talked to the mortgage company to find out the facts because I gave him a month to open up in writing about what was happening & he refused found out that when he had told me he was trying for a loan modification mid June....he had actually NEVER talked to the mortgage company. I confronted him about that lie...& he never responded that weekend. Talked to my horse trainer about if he had talked to her about what was going on (he feeds horses at the ranch every night).....she hadn't heard anything but would feel him out about it.....he told her that day that he applied for a loan modification....I called & he had for the first time, called them & talked to them about a loan mod & asked for the paperwork to fill out. Mortgage company had been trying to get hold of him since 2011 & that monday after I confronted him that previous Friday by VM, was the first time he bothered to call & talk to them.

He denied he was hiding anything when I requested the information to file our fed taxes joint like all the previous years. This is NOT the first time something like this happened.....5 years ago with the IRS he never did talk to them for 10 months.....

Well, anyway, just talked to a lawyer (the one who set up my LLC)......said he could take care of the divorce for any farther finanial issues....but I'm stuck with the mortgage situation.....so goes life.....he said that because I live in one state & he lives in another that it all has to be done through mail & he can't be served with papers & basically everything that I left in the house I will never see again because going out there myself with the foreclosure situation isn't safe for me legally.

Just wondering what experiences others here might have had with going through a divorce from out of state. I think if he refuses to respond to the letter, that notices regarding the divorce can be filed in the newspaper of that hometown or something......& he can finalize the divorce even without his concent.....so that I will be completely free of him legally & financially in the future.....

Just wondering the experiences others might have had with things like this.

Have no love for this guy for so many years....we were separated & living in the same house from 1995 until I was finally able to leave in 2005 after my mother died, I sold her house & was finally able to leave. After being away & being free from the anger he created in me with his passive aggressive behavior & the mister nice guy that everyone thought was so nice.....no one understood (even myself) why I reacted with suicidal attempts when I JUST lost my career. It was not only my identity (as an engineer), but it was also my escape from the marriage. Why did I stay rather than leave....our daughter.....& most of the times at that point, the value of our house always seemed negative when I was finally pushed too far......his claim was that we were better off financially living together rather than divorced.....so I should just continue tolerating his crap rather than leave. The one time I actually gave a lawyer a check for doing the divorce was after I lost my career & had no idea what our financial situation was & needed to know in order to divide it 50/50......I had NOTHING at the time because all our IRA's I assets went into paying off debt that he refused to take responsibility of when I lost my career & he had to be in charge of the financial end of our marriage.....what a mess of debt that created along with all the hospital bills that weren't totally covered by medicare (my disability) & his insurance.

Divorce divides up both assets & liabilities & all that was left was liabilities other than things in the house we owned. I had no idea what debt was out there or how bad I would get killed by it......so I did nothing & just sat back until I could escape with what I had from my inheritance.

So now, he has everything I left him with in the house & the house which is in foreclosure which because I'm on the loan....am responsible for if they come after us for the deficiency.....so now I am trying to protect myself as much as possible.

It's a huge mess, but the lawyer gave me some good information to work with on the protection end of things....just not that easy to implement in this economy.

There is definitely no love lost on my side of this relationship.....& one of his parting comments was that he thought I would just continue tolerating him for the rest of our life & there wouldn't be any problems.

How one could go on tolerating crap like that is beyond me.....but I see divorce freedom in the near future.

Any input would be great.....any experiences of out of state divorces would also be great.....just curious about what others have gone through in out of state divorce situations.

[eskielover]

Wow, didn't realize how few people actually come to this forum

[Mike_J]

I filed divorce to prevent my soon to be ex-wife from leaving the state with our daughter. I was warned how difficult a divorce across state lines can be.

Amazing how some people will work hard to hurt others, rather than just admit the reality of the situation and move to make things easier for everyone

[Perna]

This info might help? http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/di...ate-26808.html

My husband did different counties and filed first which helped him but don't know about the different state thing; sounds like California would be where your "problems" are/will be resolved from so you might be at a disadvantage.

[MandaMay]

I delt with a bad out of state divorce in 03 it took to 06 to be completely over... it was hell, he was in Alabama and I was in Washington State... our house went into fore closure and I lost the car he promised to keep making payments on and he took out a bunch of credit cards in our name and gave them to his mistress (his now wife), he kicked me out after our daughter died (she was 17 minutes old) and did not file for over a year because he was not sure thing were going to work out with his then bosses daughter/girlfriend/ my best friend but kept me thinking he was going to move to where I was once he could settle things financially... I fell for it.... but I have moved on... I guess what I am trying to say is do what your laywer tells you to, that way your butt is covered and you wont have a neg. score for your credit like I do, because he got a laywer and I could not unless I moved back to Alabama, I could not even afford to go to court, and because of that I lost everything, and he got the bills and whatnots tagged onto me saying I did it not him....n 60,000 plus on cards plus the house and car he quit paying on all on me, while he works for a major corporation and I am on SSdI and he is free and clear of all the bills because of the judgement when on me!!!! sorry for ranting on your post, stuff like this just gets me worked up...

[eskielover]

MandyMay.....a bit confused because I am also on SSDI & that income is completely judgment proof except by the IRS.....the judgment might have gone on you but there is no way they can collect & there is no way you have to pay because you are on SSDI.....that is a fact no matter what state you are in.

Unfortunately, the house I own with my husband (who I have been separated from for 5 years when I left him & moved 2100 miles away) is going into foreclosure...my name is on the loan so because he hasn't been paying the house payment & didn't bother to tell me he was doing this........my credit is already blown because of the house payments not made & when the house goes through foreclosure....there's even more bad on my credit. Found that out when I tried to get an equity loan on my farm which is completely paid for

The big problem is that my farm is a full asset. I used my inheritance to leave him....but because that house that's in foreclosure is not worth what the loan is for & I am the only one with assets, they can come after me & force me to sell my farm for the discrepancy amount.......with or without the divorce.....because my name is on the loan.

I am just getting the divorce because I don't want to take any chances in the future of his financial incompetence which he has proven over & over the 33 years we were together (married now 38 years but left 5 years ago). My lawyer basically said that he can get the legal divorce so that I can be free from any MORE liabilities because of him, but am stuck dealing with the foreclosure.......however getting any of my things that I left in the house is another story. I do need the lawyer to negotiate the retirement fund into the divorce however because that is what is paying for the IRS screw up that my husband did when filing taxes for my inheritance....he blew it big time....back in 2005. They sent him a letter Apr 2007 which he ignored right after I initially bought my farm. I didn't find about it until Feb of 2008 when another letter was forwarded after having all the California mail forwarded to my farm because I had family at my farm for Christmas that year & to give my stbxh a chance to see if the different environment that made so much difference for me would do the same for him....I kicked him out one month later. Basically brought NOTHING here.....left all but a medium sized moving truck full of things with me....not realizing that I would never be going back.....now with the foreclosure, my lawyer told me never to go back there now because they can more easily serve me thinking I might live in Ca with him (unfortunately they know I live in KY)

[eskielover]

Mike_J.....sorry you are going through those headaches with your stbxw. Hope all turns out well for you.

Actually in my case, I left my husband 5 years ago....took my inheritance & moved 2100 miles away.....where I didn't have to put up with all the anger he continually triggered in me while acting like the poor innocent victim (go figure, usually it's the other way around)....but in reality.....after all he did to financially destroy us & then he ignored the IRS when he made a mistake on our taxes with my inheritance.....that is going to be the trick is getting his retirement fund which is NOW paying for the IRS to get it paid off & then get the rest of that money split between us since he has everything of mine that I left in the house......can't go back there to get it & he won't ship it to me.

The huge problem is that my name is still on the mortgage on the house he's living in & he quit paying property taxes, then quit paying the house payment so it's in foreclosure & he's already ruined my credit with that maneuver found that out when I tried to get an equity loan on my paid for farm here.....can't even get my money out of it if I wanted to in order to get any of my things from Ca.

I left him because of how he was in the marriage....completely irresponsible...thought all he was required to do as a husband was go to work & bring home a paycheck.....I did that also in the came career he did....only problem was he couldn't handle the finances & had no ability to control spending.....he was a complete looser which I refuse to stay with him for the rest of his life....which in the back of my mind wishes was short.

[sunrise]

Can you sign a quit claim deed so your name is not on the house anymore? When I was getting divorced, my husband signed a quit claim deed relinquishing any legal claim to the house. (He got other assets in our split.) Since your H has basically had the house for himself for the last 5 years, it might be considered his through some sort of abandonment and it would make sense to make that official by your signing the quit claim. Of course, if your husband has any financial know-how, he would not agree to this, but frankly, he sounds financially incompetent, so he might not realize what he is doing. Maybe your lawyer could draw up the deed and present it to him in a way that emphasizes the advantages for him, whatever they may be.

Do you have any friends who live in the area where your husband lives? Maybe they would agree to go over to your house and take away some of your keepsakes or sentimental possessions so at least you will have those.

Good luck, eskielover.

[eskielover]

The thing is with the quit claim is that it only gets my name off the deed to the house, it doesn't get my name off the mortgage & that's where the main problem lies because they can hold me responsible for the loan or the amount of difference between what they sell if for (foreclosure or short sale) & what the value of the loan is.....about $40,000.....they could force me to sell my farm for that amount, so I am working on somehow selling it one way or another so that I don't own it for during the time this could be a problem so I have no assets other than my truck that they would come after.

Don't have any friends much in the area other than my horse trainer who my stbx helps feed her horses every evening. I don't want to get her involved between us.....I felt bad enough going to her when he refused to respond to me when I confronted him about lying to me about having talked to the mortgage company & telling me that he was trying for a loan modification when he hadn't even talked to them. I asked her if he was alive any longer but I knew he was because I was still getting the credit on my board bill for the work he was doing at the ranch.....other friend is also a friend of my stbx's also & doesn't want to end up in an uncomfortable place between us. I have just finally written to the people we know there about what he did with the mortgage payment so they don't wonder what happens when the house sells & he's gone.......I even wrote a note to the pdoc that I also had when I was living there....he was my pdoc before my stbx went to him.....told him what stbx had done because he knew what stbx had done with the IRS......he needed to know this also because sure that stbx never said a word about it to him.....he keeps the stupid things he does real quiet & hidden or he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he does ......who knows where his warped mind is but it's definitely NOT with the things he does being wrong. I might have been able to get off the mortgage if he hadn't already allowed it to go to foreclosure........but maybe that was his way of trying to stick it to me also. Who knows? He did comment that I had taken the money from the refinance.....but like I reminded him, I had only loaned him the money from my inheritance with the understanding that I would get it back with the refi........& the little over that so I could pay off my truck was a little of the payment for the things that I ended up leaving in the house when I left now that I know there's no going back & I'm loosing it completely anyway.......don't feel a bit guilty about that.....just have to have my lawyer help protect what assets I have now that the value of my farm has dropped so badly that selling it isn't an option either.

Ending up between a rock & a hard spot....but know that my lawyer will help know the best way to protect what little I have from the mortgage company coming after it.

I actually went to my lawyer initially to fill out the quit claim, but the deed doesn't have the information for an out of state lawyer to take care of it, so I dumped getting it filled out back on my stbx......he claims that a paralegal group is filling it out & he will let me know how it's being sent to me for tracking.....haven't hears a word & that was last week. They are probably having trouble finding the information necessary for the quit claim also......have to get the quit claim filled out so that they will be able to process his loan modification. He said that if I didn't fill out the quit claim they would need my income & expenses.....I laughed at him & said that I would not give that information because I would never be in another financial situation with him EVER again & that divorce was NOW the only option.....but if he doesn't qualify for the loan mod or the short sale isn't sufficient to satisfy the mortgage company ($40,000 short of the value of the loan).....they can still come after me even with my name off the deed because the quit claim doesn't take the name off the mortgage.