[K-seperated]

After 17 years we are seperating - she's found a new man and will be leaving the country to be with him. She stayed here the last week, but is out the door now. We were only a well functioning couple for about 6 months - then several months of back and forth, and then she became pregnant and completely withdrew from me. For the last 15 years I have tried to reach her and she has consistently pushed me away. I believe this has to do with her depression and other issues - she believes we are just two different people, and that I don't like conflict, where as she thrives on it. She's been very complimentray - telling me nice things over the last week, but is leaving full of righteousness - I can tell she thinks I have no right to be making her feel guilty as we have not been a functioning couple. I have been the sole financial supprt for the family, so that is not an issue.

Can't agree with what she did - I think it was wrong and that she handeled things wrong for years. But, it is better that she is leaving - for me. she will be Skyping from over 1000 miles saway with my son, so we'll see how he feels about that (he's good so far).

Somedays I'm good, somedays I feel the void - that I will never find someone else to be in my life. Also a lot ofm anger. The anger is better than the void.

Talk to me - help me make some sense of this.

[Leed]

I got divorced after 26 years, and even tho I wanted the divorced, you still have to grieve it -- you grieve the good times you have, and the years lost. So there is real grief here for you. You go thru the same stages as you would if your spouse died. There's anger, shock, depresion, bargaining, and acceptance. Some of us don't go thru ALL the stages -- for instance, I didn't go thru the "bargaining" step. I skipped that one completely/

So be prepared for some grief. It's normal. And if you want to talk to a therapist, that's normal too. I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care of yourself, okay? Take care. Hugs, Lee

[K-seperated]

Originally Posted by Leed

I got divorced after 26 years, and even tho I wanted the divorced, you still have to grieve it -- you grieve the good times you have, and the years lost. So there is real grief here for you. You go thru the same stages as you would if your spouse died. There's anger, shock, depresion, bargaining, and acceptance. Some of us don't go thru ALL the stages -- for instance, I didn't go thru the "bargaining" step. I skipped that one completely/

So be prepared for some grief. It's normal. And if you want to talk to a therapist, that's normal too. I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care of yourself, okay? Take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanls Lee - means a lot to hear that from someone who's been through it.

[sweetandsour]

if things are not going well i think its wisest to just let go and as leed said yuo'll grieve about it feel bad down lost but after you'll end up finding yourself.
and that would be a good thing i think because you've been in the relationship for so long and giving it all that you can that i'm sure you won't even recognise yourself now you'll be free of some heavy apprehensions.
take care and hang on.

[KVDh]

Well after 29 years and four kids and several companies, we got a divorce with a three year divorce process. It was hell. it is painful, it hurts. but now three years after divorce final, I think it was the best thing. thank God and Greyhound she is gone. and then honestly there are times I remember the good too. it is a process but thry to find you and as selfish as it sounds start to live for you and make you happy, healthy and better.