[Bobbarita]

Has anyone hired a DFA? I learned about this in the divorce books I have been reading for 10 months now. I have an attorney, and she advised a guardian, which I have---I am bi-polar and was OVERWHELMED by the bills and paperwork after I filed for divorce. She has been wonderful as well as her staff and she works with my lawyer and I. The guardian papers I signed limited her decision-making power as I am declared competent to make decisions with my attorney's input and receive all paperwork, etc., The guardian works for a reputable organization with a religious group and has been in existence for many years.

I had an accountant, (hired by me), at the beginning of the divorce to look at and confirm "the financials". After that was done I paid her and she is no longer in the picture. I'm concerned about my tax consequences of every move that's going to be made, along with how this final divorce will affect my financial situation 5 or 10 or more years from now. My guardian has referred my immediate questions to the accountant who works for her organization and I have gotten what seems to be correct answers.

But my concern is "the Big Picture". I am 59 years old. This was a 20 year marriage. There are significant assets. This is a "Grey Divorce", I am on SSDI and I see multiple physicians. My husband still controls the assets of "his" 401K, Pension, etc., as one Judge refused to freeze the assets as my lawyer requested.

I found a DFA and I am getting a free consult. His hourly fee is 1/2 of what my attorney charges and my husband was ordered to pay all my attorney and other fees the last time he dragged me into court over something minor.

The DFA confirmed what I had read about DFA's. They are specialists. This is an equitable distribution state and what appears to be equitable on a "spread sheet" may appear that way, but when projected may not be so. Therefore, he would sit in on the mediation and be able to advise me on financial matters. He would translate any financial offers made, (and share the information with my people), but not interfere with any legal advice my attorney advises. He would look at the LONG TERM financial consequences, taxes, etc. He would work and would generate a true and accurate picture on the spot with his laptop and be able to print it out immediately for all concerned if necessary.

Questions I ask my attorney regarding tax consequences, etc. are referred to the accountant now in place (from my guardians organization). My husband hired an attorney who is primarily an estate and tax lawyer as well as a family law attorney, and they have already attempted to manipulate finances, but my attorney called them on it. To say the very least both my ex and his attorney are NOT TRUSTWORTHY and I do not want to be "duped" into anything, or have someone not versed in accounting, (my attorney), advise me on something she herself may not entirely grasp. My husband is filled with rage and vindictiveness. I left him and his ego is shot. Too bad. There was no 3rd party on either side. I tried everything to save our marriage. Communication, counseling, etc. I had to end this marriage to save my own sanity. Being BP1, it is even harder with increased stress, worry, fear... In the end he would initiate and argue with me up to 5-6x a day. I made a post about that when this began.

I want this professional on my team. I will feel on an equal footing having my attorney, a DFA, and my guardian there with me in "mediation". So far this divorce has been totally contentious, I know the ex is out to screw me. To prove one or more of his oft heard expressions to me. Such as, "You would NEVER be able to live without me", "No one else would ever put up with you." and "I have nothing in common with you"---this after 20 years of marriage.

Has anyone hired and worked with a DFA?

Any replies appreciated.

[healingme4me]

No. I haven't and didn't need one. Sounds like a good, idea, however, to have the DFA.

Hope this all gets resolved quickly