Divorce issues

How in the world do you get out of being on the home loan when the other person can't qualify to refinance the house on their own salary & the house is so upside down in it's value that there's no way.

I left him 6 years ago....moved 2100 miles away & took my inheritance, purchased my own farm & basically walked away from the horrible marriage after 33 years......he managed to quit paying the property taxes then the house payment without saying a word to me about it......(after getting mad at him for not communicating to me when I first left about the IRS back taxes he had blown on my inheritance).....he never communicated when we were married either.....It just took getting my inheritance to be able to leave him after loosing my engineering career.

So now I'm sitting with my farm......& he ended up getting a loan modification....but it didn't remove me from the loan even though he qualified for it with on his own salary, it was just a modifiation, not a new loan.....so I'm still stuck on it & if he blows it again.....I could end up loosing my farm because of his financial incompetence.

So I am getting the divorce going...started it last fall, but with the loss of several of my dogs, I didn't have the patience to deal with him on negotiating about the assets..most of which I am just leaving since there is almost no way of moving my furniture 2100 miles across country......

But I want off the house...I want out of anything that financially ties me to him because he's so absolutely irresponsible even at the age of 61....he never grew up or learned how to be financially responsible or how to communicate about anything.

Just really curious how others are able to get off the house they owned together when it isn't possible to sell it & the other person isn't able to qualify for a refi????

Yep, wish I had never gotten married that long ago & knew there were issues before I ever got married that at the time were enough for me to not want to marry him...but stupidly listened to my mother who knew nothing about relationships either since she led a completely sheltered life & I knew better than to listen to her also....so I really blew it back in 1975......& it never got better....while I hid out in my engineering career.

Lost my career & ended up even more trapped in the marriage until my mother died & I was finally able to physically escape....but now I need to escape financially & cut all ties that have anything to do with him.

I have nothing to do with him....all communication is either by email or texting.....refuse to have anything that isn't in writing between us because he lies about everything.

Grrrrrrrr.....I want nothing to do with this idiot......& continue to feel so trapped.

This loan modification requested a quit claim from me on the property we own together....but now, I'm still stuck on the loan & they want me to sign the paperwork for his loan modification.....& I don't want to have anything to do with it.

Dumb question - can't you just sell him your half?

That would still require a refinance of the loan....& the upside down of the house & the huge leans that he allowed to be put against the house has left it almost unrefinancable.

Do you have an attorney that can help you, before you sign anything?

I have an attorney but it's an out of state divorce. Divorce isn't the problem....that's easy....it's the being stuck on the loan that's the problem.....I basically walked away from everything even though I still want to bring some of my things if I can....but he's basically getting everything......I got away from him, but am still trapped on the loan & if he pulls his financial irresponsibility, then I could loose everything if the mortgage company comes after my farm that I got with my inheritance because I'm still on the loan....only way to get off a loan from my understanding is with a refi & that's impossible at this point in time.

In essence, your attorney cannot help you get removed from the loan, without a refinance?

According to all I have researched & in talking with the mortgage company my understanding is that the only way I can get my name off the loan is that the ex has to refinance the loan.......I was trying to get others experience to verify that my understanding is correct.

Ah, the loan modification people I just talked to said that the quit claim I signed & stbxh filed at the beginning of the year was enough so that I don't have to sign the loan modification papers......what a huge relief.....now to get the rest of the divorce going & get him out of my life completely......what a blessing that will be when I get this overwith.

I have been divorced to a total of 2 weeks, my ex-wife has the house but I'm still on the mortgage. Like you that is a huge concern for me, my ex has 10 months to get it refinanced buy me out or in some why remove me from the loan. I had our divorce decree worded that if she sells the house for less than the appraised value (we weren't quite under water but close) she and only she is stuck with the loss, but if it sell for more she gets to keep the profit. I'm fine with that gives her incentive to keep the house up, I have no clue how she will ever qualify for a loan. But that isn't my problem, she wanted the divorce so she can deal with the fall out.

Had an interesting resolution to the problem. The previous loan modification person had told me that filing the quit claim to get me off the property was sufficient & I wouldn't have to sign the loan papers because they didn't look at my income for him to qualify for the loan modification. STBXH even filed the quit claim at the beginning of the year.......so I was off the property & there was no way I was going to sign the loan papers.

This new loan modification person called me on Monday after talking with my stbxh. She said initially that I had to have the legal separation or the divorce filed with the judge..........then in further reading of the information it stated that filing the quit claim was also sufficient so that I wouldn't have to sign the papers.....which is exactly what I had been told before.

But as normal, stbxh didn't send me a copy of the filed quit claim being filed, so I didn't have proof of it having actually been filed & I guess for some reason, it wasn't passed on in the package to this new person.....so she got him on the phone in a conference call. ...just hearing his voice was like fingernails on a chalkboard.

But he said he had filed it......& I said I need the copy for the divorce also.....so he needed to sent both the loan modification & me a copy.....I still haven't received a copy & all he has to do is email it.

I'm guessing he misplaced that just like the title paper to my car that I left there for him to use.....that has since quit running I have to arrange for the salvage so I can get the money for it.

Anyway....the quit claim ended up being sufficient so that I don't have to sign the loan modification papers & I don't have to push the divorce papers through before June 26.

However, I finally gave him the list of things I needed resolved & the way I plan on resolving them in the divorce & the need for any asset & liability information......still haven't heard & haven't received a copy of the quit claim through email.....but that's his typical way....he always agrees to everything then does nothing.....that's his typical passive aggressive way I put up with for 33 years.

Anxiety level is so high having to deal with him......I can't wait until he's completely OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

Sadly, I have disliked him & his ways from before we got married, so I"m sure that's why our marriage was so miserable because I shouldn't have gotten married to him in the first place.....I had no patience for his passive aggressive ways before we got married & it only got worse & I hid away in my degree & in my career until I no longer had that.....then I fell apart because I no longer had an escape until my mother died & I ended up with my "only child" inheritance.....& I split as quick as I possibly could after trying to recover from the trauma I went through with the home care person & my mother's situation.

I actually hadn't planned my escape but it turned into that & what a blessing that has been...I knew I was miserable & I knew I kept wanting a divorce.....I just didn't realize how bad it really was until I left.

Doing a divorce from 2100 miles away isn't the easiest thing & yet the best. He says he wants the divorce & yet every time I put down the information I need, he ignores it......so this time....I will just tell my lawyer to go with what I want & screw him if he doesn't like it TOUGH!!!! I have given him enough chances to communicate.....& now enough is enough. Just wish I had enough money to go get some of my things that I left there....including some of MY FURNITURE......but mostly, I need to make sure I am financially FREE from his irresponsible financial issues.