Divorce and I don't know what I'm doing.

Right now Im stressed and confused. My husband and I have two children and where together for 6 years basically.

He moved out a year ago after months and months of us fighting and me being depressed because he didn't have a job for three years because he wouldn't even look.

He finally went back with his parents. Because he was told to find a job or leave. After a year with that ultimatum and him only filling out three job applications in a whole year I gave up.

Now a year later we are still not divorced. I'm having trouble moving on, I dont know how to proceed. I can't afford a divorce attorney right now, I'm sort of dating someone, and I just dont know what to do........

On a positive note I have discovered things I had forgotten I enjoy because my husband wouldn't allow me to do them. Like spend time with my friends, paint, play games, run, decorate. And generally enjoy life.

What would you do now if you where me?

I assume you have some sort of income on your own since you kicked him out & you are supporting yourself & your 2 children......I know here there are low income (which takes into consideration your income & your 2 children) lawyers that provide services.......I would imagine that you really don't have much accumulated between the 2 of you since he went back to live with his parents.....& there are also ways that you can file for divorce on your own....you don't need a lawyer....you might just need some legal aid to make sure that your filing is accurate & reasonable....& with the 2 kids.....there will need to be some sort of visitation rights that will need to be put in place (that is probably the most complicated part of it).....I know that my lawyer here in KY....filing an out of state divorce after leaving my H 6 years ago from California....is only charging $750....& we are doing it a little at a time so I can afford to pay also.

I would personally call around to different lawyers & also to the legal aid in your state & see what actually is available....talk to them & determine the best way to proceed.

I stayed married for 33 years before I finally left...it was bad from the beginning.....& I know what you mean.....the first week I moved into my farm house & went to the grocery store & looked into the cupboards....it was such a relief to have food that was JUST WHAT I LIKED....I lived all those years eating only things that he liked & the things that I liked always had to be limited by taking into consideration that he liked it also.....since I would eat almost anything. I found I could live with my values & not his & I knew that the only way that I could break away from feeling the need to ask him questions because he had taken over the finances when my major depression had hit 13 years before....& I had no idea where any of the information was that he had or had filed....I would ask & he wouldn't know or he would tell me an answer that I would later find out was a lie or as far from the truth as possible...but he was absolutely sure that he was right.....& would never admit he had to look up any information.......it was such a feeling of freedom & being 2100 miles away from him was even better because I didn't have to have anything to do with him & wouldn't run into him anywhere.......I hadn't felt so good in 33 years.....so I knew it was completely over at that point....just didn't get around to the divorce until now because he was finally destroying me even worse financially so I knew it was time to end it.

I know exactly what that is like. I was so excited about that also because my husband was so picky and I wasn't allowed to have things he didn't like. When my kids are at my house they seem excited also because of the new foods we have.

Thank you so much for your advice. I think I'm going to call around and ask about legal help. ^_^

If you cannot afford an attorney, do you qualify, financially for your states 'Affidavit of Indigency'? And does your state, offer a referral service for pro-bono to sliding scale attorneys? The fees for filing could be waived, or at least if not waived, the file fee, isn't too expensive. And you could always find someone who would represent you, on a limited level, meaning, you do the dirty work, they double check your forms and only charge you, to stand up with you, in court.

My state goes under (name of state) legal services, it's a dot org, may need to sit down with a lawyer of the day, in the probate/family court, but it's not that difficult. I bet you can find someone to at least stand up with you, in the courthouse!!

I just wanted to say, to this aspect, isn't it such a relief?! To be able to not 'answer', to men like this???

I lasted almost 8 years in marriage. I just couldn't make it, another 2, to qualify for alimony, he was just too awful to be around.

There's things, to fight for. Backpay, child support. Try your best, to get FULL legal and physical custody. Wording for who pays and how college tuition is paid for. Make sure, there is wording, that also, allows you to take your kids, out of state, on vacation. This could bite you, if you just want to take 2 weeks to Disney, in the future.

Most states, have all the legal forms on-line. You can type it in and print or you can print or write them out.

I am going through a modification of custody, plus one more thing, right now. My lawyer, will only charge me, $175/hr in court only. No retainer, doesn't need to be paid, in full, that day, can make a payment plan. She mentioned that when I fill out the indigency affidavit, to note, that I want the extra fees, such as constable to serve him, checked off, and waived. I am about 2K below the states guidelines, I also have three kids. Most states, post that financial information on there. ((these are just recommends, pc friend to pc friend, to consider, while going through this stressful process))

You guys are awesome. I did some looking around and found legal help. I'm so excited, thats been like the biggest releif in a long time.

Hope all goes well!! Finding someone who will stand up for you in court, to me, is more a relief than anything else

It is a very empowering feeling to take over control of your life......One thing I found when I had tried to push for divorce prior to leaving is that he would always say....I'm not leaving the house & I'm not giving up this or that......& I would end up feeling hopeless again about the level of fight it was going to take & I would end up giving up.

This time, there is an issue with his retirement fund & he made a comment that it's "not on the table".....I told him to get a lawyer so they could resolve it because it wasn't UP TO HIM TO MAKE ANY FAIRNESS determination at this point......it's not fair that he gets absolutely everything from the 33 years......the money I took from the refi was money I loaned him from my inheritance with the agreement to be paid back out of the refi.....I should have gotten that in writing but I was going through some major PTSD issues from a trauma I went through with the home care person when my mom was dying of cancer.....as he's choosing to be a jerk & I'm now willingly giving in any longer.....but 2100 miles away from him & not being under the same roof has been a total blessing.

Hope things go well for you....but don't be surprised what stupid stuff that might end up coming up to complicate the issues......don't let it get to you though no matter what...fight for what you KNOW IS FAIR.