[angelagal544]

I am so lost and confused. I lost my mom earlier this year and have been going through hell dealing with it. I was so devasated and my husband wasn't really there to comfort me (we haven't had sex in months and wouldn't even hold each other). I turned to this guy I use to date in my mid 20's and he was giving me the attention I guess I needed. One thing lead to another and we ended up have sex. I was so guilty and told my husband of 17 yrs what happened. He told me he forgives me but there will be consequences. Well now I have discovered what those consequences are. He has been using escorts and had a prepaid cell phone and prepaid credit card. He is on those sex dating sites and has a craigslist ad. He has been busted and he says he wants to work it out. He says he did this because of what I did. I'm so sorry I feel he took this WAY to far. I asked him for a divorce. He wants to work it out. I feel disgusted when I look at him, I know I am the cause of all this. I honestly didn't want to be with that guy. I was heart broken, scared, lonely and grieving. I'm not making excuses for what I did, but I don't think I will be able to accept how far he went with this, and he only stopped because he was busted and saw what it did to me. I have been going to grief counseling, I'm on meds. I can't live like this, his work takes him to different cities around us and I saw he has been in contact with girls from those cities. I said we could try to work it out. But I can't do it. I can't worry about every time he is late or won't answer my call or text. So I think today I will let him know I can't do it. I don't really have any family here except a brother that I am having to help. I think I'm scared of leaving the only think I've known for 17 yrs, but I can't do it. I look at my husband and I can't believe he did this. I believe he will do it again. He says he threw away that cell phone, I don't believe that. I believe he would still be contacting girls had he not been busted. I just busted him a week ago. Any advise out there?

[Skeezyks]

Hello angelagal544: Somehow, I find it hard to believe that this all started with your husband after he learned of your encounter. This sounds to me like something that has been going on way longer than that & your encounter is just the rationalization that was available after he got busted. But, that's just an opinion. Obviously I don't really know. Perhaps I'm way off base.

I've written this previously in response to a couple of Threads here on PC. I used to know a guy who would often say: "If you want to know which way the bullet is going, look down the barrel of the gun." I can imagine how scary all of this must be to you. But, if you re-read what you have written, I think you'll see where this is all headed.

I don't really have any advice for you other than to suggest the obvious which would be that you may want to find a therapist with whom you can talk through this most difficult situation (assuming you don't already have one.) I wish you all the best with this most difficult situation.

[continuosly blue]

All I know is this. I was in the same situation. I was young ,had a lot of personal problems which spilled over into my marriage.
She wound up having an affair and used the same logic. I was lonely , etc......
Bottom line is guys look for girls that are in a troubled marriage or whatever and take advantage of the situation.

My situation was reverse from yours though. You cheated first.
All I know is two wrongs don't make a right.
Bottom line is this. you will never trust him again and he will never trust you.
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
17 yrs. is a lot to throw away.

I wound up trying to make it work for many, many , years. Sometimes when something gets broken it can't be fixed.
I wasted my whole life on a marriage based on a lie. Almost 40 yrs. of hell.
I wound up doing now what I should have done a very long time ago. Get divorced.
The only hope I can see is if your both willing to go to individual and couples therapy.
I would try that before a divorce. I don't see any other way it can be "fixed".

Best to you,
CB