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Member Since Nov 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 190
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#1
Title pretty much says it: wife hates me for not disciplining my child (her stepchild), but when she does the disciplining, it looks pretty violent and scary, and over the past year and a half it hasn't done ANYTHING positive for my child. I know I'm scared, I know my child is scared, and the child's behavior doesn't change. Wife has "had enough" every week now for the past several months and she wants a separation, and maybe a divorce. I'm so sick of being scared for my child that I'm thinking divorce is not a bad idea despite the fact that I do still love my wife and it's going to be very very very lonely and scary--in fact, my least favorite way to be. But I'm pretty sure it's going to be better for my child.
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Pretzelle
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
Hello MrMoose: I'm sorry you're in the midst of such difficulty. I would simply like to offer my best wishes with the hope that your situation will end up being resolved as positively as possible for all concerned.
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Perpetually Pondering
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Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
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#3
It's difficult when criticized for your biological child. However, I'm uncertain where it's a stepparents role to turn into being the disciplinarian. I've known of how damaging someone like this can be for a child, now adult.
What steps towards communication have you and your wife taken? What role does the mother of your child play in life? What about Positive Parenting types of classes? Or reaching out for advice from church or the school department? |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: tn
Posts: 40
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#4
please do not permit your wife to punish your child it sounds as if your wife resents your child because it reminds her that you had a child with someone else before it sounds like this could lead to child abuse if not already and your first job is to protect your childeen
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MrMoose
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MrMoose
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#5
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Letting another adult brutalize your child is one of those things! You and your child living in fear of this abuser is another! Your child is depending on you! And, yes, the sooner you get your child out of this situation the better! Sincerely, Pfrog! |
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Fennel61
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2015
Location: Madison
Posts: 13
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#6
Your wife is being violent with your child and you're wondering if you should leave? Just do it. If you're afraid of her, how can love dwell in your heart? As someone else mentioned, it is not her job to discipline your child.
And perhaps not focus on another relationship until your kid is eighteen. Disagreements concerning step-kids causes too many problems and is actually one of the reasons that second marriages fail at an even higher rate than first marriages. I hope the next time you post, you've gotten your kid away from your wife. I know the first few weeks of separation are brutal...but you will get through them, I swear to you. |
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MrMoose
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#7
Maybe YOU need to find a way of disciplining your child that would be positive for the child & not make your wife feel like you are doing NOTHING. Doesn't sound like you are taking a very active role in the marriage from what I get from your writing.
Sounds like your wife has no respect for you & maybe you haven't given her anything to respect. Marriage is not based on love alone or just because you don't want to live alone. It's based on having a good relationship together & working together for the best possible family environment. Sounds like maybe you don't know what goes into making a good marriage & maybe BOTH of you need some good counseling go get your acts together in the marriage & make it a REAL marriage. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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MrMoose
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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 190
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#8
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