I Moved Out

Making that decision to move out is a tough one. It takes a strong person not to stay in the same bad situation. Think of all the people you know who wish they had the guts to do what you did. Congrats!

Just curious about what you think is that feeling of LOVE that you are feeling?......how do you really describe what you are feeling & why?

What is it that you love about him that can counter the issues that you are having with him?

These are just questions to ask yourself....I'm not trying to pry into your personal life or feelings....sometimes these are just things we need to personally analyze.

I feel like I want to be a good wife, do chores, Make a nice dinner. I feel like I can act different when we are together and we can get along. But when he comes home, it's awkward, we eat and watch news, then another show. St hen comes the awkward walk to the bedroom and feels like I'm going to a torture chamber. I get panic attack and can't do it. I tell him I am too angry about what he keeps doing to me and how he ruins it all the time by acting how he does.

Sounds to me like role playing not a real relationship?

You managed to do it easily after dinner & a margarita the other night.....what was the difference? (just something you might ponder about)

And back out on my own again!

Do you need a farm hand, Eskie? I'm really good at dishing the dirt!

Those don't sound like bonding behaviors for sustenance.

How dull....come home eat, watch tv-which involves silence, then go to bed. No wonder the bedroom is a disaster, there's no intimacy already.

"Interrogate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

LOL.....Living alone, I always need farm hands. Luckily my farm isn't operational yet as I haven't set up a place for my chickens or fenced it in to have my horse brought here but just maintaining the fields & all the overgrowth from my woods that is surrounding my home is definitely enough work to keep a dozen people more than overworked.

It honestly sounds like both of you have emotional intimacy issues & when you put 2 problems together, it only makes the problem worse.....I know as that was exactly what was going on in my marriage. But then if I had known what emotional intimacy had been in the first place (if I had been around parents who had been emotionally healthy & knew what it was like), I NEVER would have even considered getting married to the guy I got married to at the age of 21.

And I probably still would have married my h because I wanted to have children, who are the most wonderful kids in the world, thank God! Other relationships I had could have ended up even worse. We just can't have it all. Did I take one for the team?

Hindsight is 20/20. I wouldn't go back to change my course, if I could. My children add a dimension to life that I believe gives me perspective and maturity. Plus, I probably wouldn't have learned half the life lessons that I have if I hadn't married my ex husband. Older doesn't always mean wiser, would be one thing that I would tell my 25 year old self, if I could.

How are things?

"Interrogate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

If I had a do over I would have been smart enough to have paid attention to the red flags & I would have followed my don't get married to him gut feel. I knew there was something wrong with him but back in the mid 70's no one knew about it.

I honestly needed some me alone time to know who I really was & get my own life settled & see what life was around people who weren't dysfunctional though I had no idea that was even what I was around. I had no desire to be married or have kids. Just seemed like the right thing to do at the time until the red flags hit. After that point I never respected him & love doesn't grow where respect is nonexistent.....but I didn't know that either so I just continued fighting the same old stupid crap that I fought about with my parents thinking my fighting was the common denominator never realizing until a few years ago after all were long gone out of my life that what was common was THEIR DYSFUNCTIONS.

I do love my daughter & so thankful I had/have her but I went into marriage with the desire to have NO kids.

Interesting thing is that I love where my single life is now but if I had been single the whole time I would have been so much better off financially of if I had waited & married a NORMAL person again chances are I would still be married to a good husband. It's miserable living from month to month trying to scrape by because a financially irresponsible H destroyed all the savings we had when I got too sick to handle the finances.....but I'm still happier now than I ever was when I was married.

Interesting how everyone's struggles & experiences are soooo different. Just proves that there is no one solution& that everyone has to figure out what is right for them. So often we loose the reasoning we had that made us do things so many years ago when we stop to think about it later on.

Thanks for asking! I'm doing.

It is working for the moment to be able to run away to the 'dog house' if I need to get away. We've been together as a family with two sons home at the moment. My mother is falling and breaking bones and will have surgery this week, so I am busy with her. We're not fighting and not having sex...just family right now.

I wish he understood me, but he doesn't, never will. He's still my best friend. Even though we can't fix our problem, he is willing to give me plenty of rope (probably in hopes I'll hang myself!).

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

I told husband I would go with him back to couples therapy. I asked him to find a t that takes our insurance. He said he would do it with me last night, then he forgot about it and said nothing to me.

Now we're going into the weekend. This causes my anxiety to surge because I know the attacks from hell are coming for me.

I think I'll go spend time with my mother and just avoid him.

Scratch that idea. Mom is mad at me now because I won't be her doormat.

I feel an attack coming on.

Were you able to use coping skills for your anxiety?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Yes. I focused on not getting hysterical and not opening my mouth. What I say to him just doesn't matter anyway.

We fell asleep in the same bed in chilling silence, resolved to existing together in hell. I awoke this morning with that longing feeling I always have of wanting to be held and loved. I briefly considered wrapping my arms around him and making love to him, but I wouldn't bring myself to do it. I don't want to perpetuate this charade any more and I know doing that will only lead to pain for me.

I was aware that he was waking and aware of me being awake. He lays there still, in silence, afraid to make a move, frozen deer in the headlights, not ever knowing what to do, and he knows I know it.

He gets up and leaves the room, going into the living room and gets on his computer.

He knows I am on here writing out all of this. We discuss his reading my posts. He said he wanted to read it. I said he could, but when he asked me to show it to him yesterday, I felt a distrust because when I brought up something horrible and traumatic he did to me he made a comment that I wanted to 'use that against him'. To me, that means he is aware that we are getting divorced and is scared that I will expose what he did to get through a divorce.

First of all-- why should I have to use anything to get what is fair in a divorce?

So, last night he told me he signed up to be on this site! He is sitting in the other room reading this right now!

He just walked in the room and told me "You are a very good writer."

Maybe seeing things in print will help him understand things better. Being able to read and re-read helps people who have learning disabilities.

Hopefully, Mr.Tisha will see your inner thoughts and have an eye opening experience?

Sometimes couples benefit by seeing how each other thinks and feels.

I'm glad that you were able to use your coping skills for your anxiety.



"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

This is my husband pretending he doesn't know me, defending himself, insinuating he has a learning disability!!!

I told him it was ok to come here and read my posts to see what is in my head, even though I have pretty much told him everything myself anyway, but I was hoping reading my posts would help. What does he do? He instantly makes an account and does THIS!!!

Hello tormentor, welcome to PC!!!!

What did he do, when he made the account? That part has me a bit confused 😕 Is he trying to understand you?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

He came on here to read my posts trying to understand me better, but he felt compelled to create an account and post about my husband having a learning disability. I've pondered his motives, I think he's gaslighting me as usual. He doesn't really care about me, only himself. The way he feels the need to say he has a learning disability to defend himself and make excuses. He throws anything he can to stonewall me and buy himself time to keep me from divorcing him.

I need to get up the courage to put the lawyer to work.

Have you told him that his discovery of a learning disability, as a result of a professional assessment I hope, doesn't make up for the years of marital discord?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

He doesn't have a learning disability!

This man is as highly educated as one can get!

That's good to hear. Wish you well.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Wish you well, too! xo

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PS: When I divorced, my stepdad asked what learning disability my ex had. Said he had always wondered. My ex is educated and doesn't have one. Just a not so great personality. My stepdad was like....Ohhhhh LOL

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