Welcome to Divorce and Separation

continuosly blue · Oct 01, 2015 at 06:11 AM

Hi All, I just went thru a living hell after my wife decided she wanted ' to go in a different direction ". I guess the old " to death do us part ' should just be thrown out the window.
It's obviously a long story and I will share parts as I go along. I'm not much of a typer so I try to keep things short. But let me say this. I was married a very long time and because of my personal mental and physical situation I didn't even see it coming. For ME all the clichés are correct. Blinded by love , etc... It is like a death in the family and that's how I have to look at it to go on. The mental anguish I went through , especially having BPD , is and was horrific. To be continued...
All you people out there get all the help you can. If you have any feelings left for him/her its going to be hard. If your the kind of person who doesn't have any feelings left and have a ' replacement " or look with confidence about moving on it probably will be somewhat easier.

continuosly blue · 06:31 AM

TO : GAMGIRL 31

Wow, your husband doesn't know how lucky he is to have someone who is trying to understand and keep the marriage together. Obviously if he wants to die he needs professional help. At the same time you need to be ready to move on with your life without him. See I was on the other side of this and got hit with a ton of bricks I didn't even feel ! You are being forewarned so get the help you need too.

Grandessa · Oct 18, 2016 at 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DocJohn

This forum is for the support and discussion of those who are going through a divorce of separation and just need to talk to others.

DocJohn

Thanks! it was recommended I start a new thread. How do I do that?

RosieDee · Oct 29, 2016 at 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 72sweetskeet

I am brand new member effective today and I have just started the process of getting a divorce! It is so overwhelming! Any and all info that I can obtain will help me!!! I just came upon this site and extremely excited for the help and guidance of others here. Thank you all in advance!

Hi where do you live. Knowing that can help a great deal in starting the process. I'm also thinking about starting mine. RosieDee

RosieDee · Oct 29, 2016 at 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 72sweetskeet

I am brand new member effective today and I have just started the process of getting a divorce! It is so overwhelming! Any and all info that I can obtain will help me!!! I just came upon this site and extremely excited for the help and guidance of others here. Thank you all in advance!

Where do you live by the way. What can I help with.

Wantmyhusbandback · Dec 13, 2016 at 09:29 PM

Hi everyone I'm new here. Going through a separation right now going on 4 months. Been married for 21years.trying to work it out.

Grandessa · Jan 15, 2017 at 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharon123

I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse....I am a christian; what my church did to me (very long story)....spiritual abuse...but I managed as always to make something positive come from the ashes: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group; have written my memoir and my book of poetry (Sanctuary of the Soul) is in the process of publication. I am working hard to get on national tv to speak about verbal abuse (rarely recognized nor understood). it took The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to save my life and sanity. I have also written a 25 page paper on verbal abuse and joined the American Counseling Association; hopefully they will eventually accept my paper.....1 in 3 women abused and every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted. These are global statistics.....

Went back to school at age 60 and won a scholarship; it wasn't academic, but what I wrote about my life.

I believe we are all here to make a difference, and I will never stop. Getting a divorce was the most excruciating, scary experience of my life; being alone is right next to death for me, but I keep on....keeping on!

I agree... divorce is by far and away the scariest and most excruciating experience, but I'm moving on

Grandessa · Jan 15, 2017 at 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamielow

I've just got my divorce papers today gutted I wanted to grow old with her I'm so lonely Ive gone to my bed and don't want to ever get out just curl up an sleep forever it don't feel I can go on

Just keep living until you feel alive again. Ask anyone and everyone for support.... ask them to live with you for awhile if need be.

Grandessa · Jan 15, 2017 at 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamielow

I've just got my divorce papers today gutted I wanted to grow old with her I'm so lonely Ive gone to my bed and don't want to ever get out just curl up an sleep forever it don't feel I can go on

Just keep living until you feel alive again. Ask anyone and everyone for support.... ask them to live with you for awhile if need be.

Grandessa · Feb 14, 2017 at 11:06 AM

I hope you are doing better. We have to do what we have to do for awhile to manage the shock and pain. I drank a lot of alcohol and called people and sobbed while I was drunk. Now have a counselor, support group, and family and friends (despite drunken rants.) I completely fell apart. Almost 6 months have passed now and am doing much better. Joined a health club and got a personal trainer and am looking to move to a community with more people my age (I'm 63!) Divorce process coming to conclusion. My old life is gone.

You will eventually get out of bed... it's a process. You will get through this, but I know about the gut-wrenching pain.

campervanman · Feb 14, 2017 at 11:41 AM

"Good on you Grandessa"

I have been divorced for 8yrs now! First few months was shear hell for me! (Thank god my 3 girls had grown up!) Could not sleep, eat, wash, go out, talk to anyone, looking for answers and stirring into the gas fire like a zombie!!!!!!!!!!!!

`NOW` Over the turmoil (Thank God) More barriers guarding my heart now!!!
Depression and anxiety has calmed down to a certain degree!!!

`I know that this will never happen again` CAUSE, I will stay on my own!!!!!

Grandessa · Feb 19, 2017 at 01:27 PM

Thanks Campervanman (story behind that handle?)

I'm kind of excited by what I'm learning from this. Truth be told, I have a great life��

Grandessa · Feb 26, 2017 at 09:45 AM

Flintstone is exactly right! My former husband gave me divorce papers 4 months ago after a 41 year marriage. Now I get to heal a "victim mentality" that I've had from childhood, where my mother victimized me and encouraged my 6 siblings to do so as well. An old trauma that is now revealed so it can be healed. Not easy, and like Jamielow, I was gutted and did not see this coming. Went straight back into the early trauma and was suicidal. Too much pain... more than I felt I could bear.

Doing better now, but still triggered. Now, more aware and beginning work on boundaries with the lifelong victim trauma.

Motto: keep living until you feel alive again.

auyeung · Apr 01, 2017 at 07:29 AM

I just divorced in Jan 2017.

George5364 · May 04, 2017 at 10:23 AM

I have a question....I was in prison for 50 months and 2 days. Upon my return, I found out that my wife had a relationship with another man during the 13 till the 23rd month of my incarceration. She never told me about it and I only discovered it through some emails that she failed to delete.
My question....did she cheat on me?

prad22 · Aug 15, 2017 at 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George5364

I have a question....I was in prison for 50 months and 2 days. Upon my return, I found out that my wife had a relationship with another man during the 13 till the 23rd month of my incarceration. She never told me about it and I only discovered it through some emails that she failed to delete.
My question....did she cheat on me?

No,,,,,,,,, definitely no

prad22 · Aug 15, 2017 at 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandessa

I hope you are doing better. We have to do what we have to do for awhile to manage the shock and pain. I drank a lot of alcohol and called people and sobbed while I was drunk. Now have a counselor, support group, and family and friends (despite drunken rants.) I completely fell apart. Almost 6 months have passed now and am doing much better. Joined a health club and got a personal trainer and am looking to move to a community with more people my age (I'm 63!) Divorce process coming to conclusion. My old life is gone.

You will eventually get out of bed... it's a process. You will get through this, but I know about the gut-wrenching pain.

Appreciated...

Curry · Mar 30, 2018 at 01:03 AM

I got divorced two years ago. My ex has been cheating for six years and left me eight years ago and came back. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I am happy and don't have craziness in my life. I look at my ex and think no way would I like him back, I wouldn't even know how to spend time with him. I just can't let go of him. I feel like I am carrying a dead cat around by its neck, instead of skipping through the tulips of life. I think the hardest thing is for me to let go of someone who promised to love me and be there for me forever. He was nice the first year and looking elsewhere the next twenty seven. I think all his problems made him swear we were destined for each other, and all my problems made me hold onto his promise. I wanted to believe in someone and I kept my eyes shut and wished hard for such a long time. Maybe I can forgive myself and try again, just not with my eyes shut this time.

PattyCrocker · Apr 03, 2019 at 01:32 PM

My divorce was final 12/2018 but we were separated since 1/2012.
How do I move on without comparing my new boyfriend to my ex?

EWash · Sep 21, 2019 at 01:40 AM

In limbo. Not divorced. Emotionally separating. Husband is throwing in the towel. This is his second marriage so it's easy for him to just give up rather than lean in. We have 3 kids. One is a baby. One has special needs. One is older. Devastated that he is cold and distant. Been angry about it.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Books & resources on divorce & separation	sunrise	Divorce and Separation	5	Mar 31, 2008 12:11 AM
separation anxiety	Gabby2007	Anxiety, Panic and Phobias	5	May 28, 2007 06:42 PM
Using the old separation to survive	wisewoman	Dissociative Disorders	6	Dec 04, 2006 09:00 PM
Separation Anxiety	dac0976	Anxiety, Panic and Phobias	1	Aug 23, 2006 01:59 PM

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

Welcome to Divorce and Separation

My Support Forums

Wantmyhusbandback Junior Member Member Since Dec 2016 Location: Up north Posts: 11 7	Dec 13, 2016 at 09:29 PM #66 Hi everyone I'm new here. Going through a separation right now going on 4 months. Been married for 21years.trying to work it out.
	Reply With Quote

Grandessa Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Midwest Posts: 64 8 68 hugs given	Feb 19, 2017 at 01:27 PM #72 Thanks Campervanman (story behind that handle?) I'm kind of excited by what I'm learning from this. Truth be told, I have a great life�� __________________
	Reply With Quote

auyeung New Member Member Since Mar 2017 Location: Bangkok Posts: 3 7	Apr 01, 2017 at 07:29 AM #74 I just divorced in Jan 2017.
	Reply With Quote

George5364 New Member Member Since May 2017 Location: virginia Posts: 2 7	May 04, 2017 at 10:23 AM #75 I have a question....I was in prison for 50 months and 2 days. Upon my return, I found out that my wife had a relationship with another man during the 13 till the 23rd month of my incarceration. She never told me about it and I only discovered it through some emails that she failed to delete. My question....did she cheat on me?
	Reply With Quote

PattyCrocker New Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: Oregon Posts: 1 5 1 hugs given	Apr 03, 2019 at 01:32 PM #79 My divorce was final 12/2018 but we were separated since 1/2012. How do I move on without comparing my new boyfriend to my ex?
	Reply With Quote

EWash New Member Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Renton Posts: 6 5	Sep 21, 2019 at 01:40 AM #80 In limbo. Not divorced. Emotionally separating. Husband is throwing in the towel. This is his second marriage so it's easy for him to just give up rather than lean in. We have 3 kids. One is a baby. One has special needs. One is older. Devastated that he is cold and distant. Been angry about it.
	Reply With Quote