Welcome to Divorce and Separation

This forum is for the support and discussion of those who are going through a divorce of separation and just need to talk to others.

DocJohn

ooo wow.. this is sooo cool .. wish i had a divorce and separation forum to visit when i was going thru my divorce.

yeaa to PC.. seems like everything anyone would need is here.
way coooooool

radio_flyer, even though you are done with your divorce, it would be great if you could visit here sometime and lend your wisdom!

Good sub-forum...having gone through a separation in 2004 and divorce in 2005...I can see the need for it as a separate area...though I've gained some strength somedays could use the the help of others...somedays I may be able to help others...

Yay! I'm so glad this sub-forum was added. I hope people who are newly divorced/separated will contribute along with those who've gone through it years ago.

Could this also be a place for children of divorced parents?

Thanks so much DocJohn! I think this is a wonderful idea for those of us on the divorce/separation side of life.

Just another wonderful thing that you do for PC and it's members.



Hugsss
sabby

Wow, I was just broseing around PC & came across this......what perfect timing....I am just going into the separation & never thought there would be a place to talk about what is going on with it.

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asylumgardens said:
Could this also be a place for children of divorced parents?

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Sure! Why not? Children are so affected by divorce. Please post away. I am interested to learn your experiences since my own two girls will soon be the children of divorced parents.

Even though my divorce came in 2004, my sons still are affected by it. As long as one is a parent, divorce affects you until the children are grown. At least my situation is like that. My ex doesn't have an interest in the two sons we have. This affects the boys greatly. I can guarantee that once they each reach 18 years of age, he will not communicate with them anymore. He has done little regarding communication as it is. This room might also be helpful for people who have been through the whole divorce process but still encounter frustrations regarding the children. Deadbeat Dads, Education and medical expenses, visitation legalities, etc.

JUST A QUICK NOTE -- how do u know when there is no more hope and it should be over??????????? Iv'e been married for 17years it's taken all the life from me iv'e totally lost who and what i am and stand for-- my kids see it to-(that's the worst) when do i call it quits or do i?????????
help

Hi 26west, a therapist helped me sort it all out. It took some time to even know what I wanted and what the best course was. It was just too big of a problem for me to figure out on my own. The thing with your kids sounds like a different problem from whether to end the marriage. The marriage is to your husband. You will still be a mom to your kids whether married or divorced. Maybe a family therapist could help with some of the kid issues. Take care and best of luck.

Hello, this is the first time I have ever done this, My husband who is disabled(completely blind) has asked me for a divorce, this is not the only time he has done so but he is having an affair and is faulting in my face I love this man I have been with him for 15yrs (6 of them married) I married after he lost his vision the person I once knew is gone when he lost his sight his personality went also. I have forgiven him in the past but at this point I dont know what to do I feel that this person is just using him like before they think he has money which he does not all he has is his ss which is not much. all my friends tell me that I do way to much for him that he doesnt appericate what he has and never will for me to leave him

Hello all I was served papers yesterday and to make matters worse she has also put a restraining order out on me as well. The restraining order is all false and I think it is just a way to discredit me to benifit her wants and needs. I dont want the divorce I love my wife with all my heart and even more for my 2 1/2 year old son and my 2 month old son. I think she is suffering with post pardom depression. I think she is also upset that she had her tubes tied witch was a decision we made together. I don't know what to do. I have zero contact with her so I cant talk to her. I believe her mom went with her to have the papers drawn up. Her mom has always ben very short with me and maks snide remarks all the time when we are in the same room. This came totally out of left feild and I was cought blind sided. I believe the root of it all is a type of depression. And if that is the case ARE the children safe with her? HELP!!!

Hello all I was served papers yesterday and to make matters worse she has also put a restraining order out on me as well. The restraining order is all false and I think it is just a way to discredit me to benifit her wants and needs. I dont want the divorce I love my wife with all my heart and even more for my 2 1/2 year old son and my 2 month old son. I think she is suffering with post pardom depression. I think she is also upset that she had her tubes tied witch was a decision we made together. I don't know what to do. I have zero contact with her so I cant talk to her. I believe her mom went with her to have the papers drawn up. Her mom has always ben very short with me and maks snide remarks all the time when we are in the same room. This came totally out of left feild and I was cought blind sided. I believe the root of it all is a type of depression. And if that is the case ARE the children safe with her? HELP!!!

Hi THX1138, and welcome to PC.

I'm sorry you were served papers like that out of the blue. What a shock. I'm going through a divorce and it's very tough.

Because you have been served not only papers but a restraining order, you do need a lawyer to help you deal with this. Since you are hoping to still salvage the relationship, I would advise not immediately getting the most aggresive, hardass lawyer you can. Get someone a bit softer, who can litigate if necessary, but who understands you still are hoping to salvage the relationship. See if you can work with your lawyer and "the other side" to resolve the issue of the restraining order (that it is inaccurate). Your lawyer can also help you file papers to give you access to your kids.

Would it be possible for you and your wife to go to some counseling to get both of your feelings out on the table and find out what is going on? It seems like this is a possible route to reconciliation. At least you will know what you are dealing with. Your lawyer may be able to recommend a therapist who is good at dealing with separation issues like this and can help you and your wife work on communication and whether to stay together.

If your wife is suffereing from post-partum depression, she needs to see a doctor as soon as possible.

Take care and please post again. You can start your own thread down below if you wish.

separated going on 2 months...we are working on things but it has been difficult...I have been ok with things...getting the priorities straight and i have made progress with myself and thusly with my relationship but in the process sometimes the lonelyness gets to me...the lack of a physical relationship of any kind has been uncomfortable in my mind eventhough i know unto it self it is not important...i yearn to talk to a woman...i suppose subconciously more but i know whom i want to be with and i will be patient...it is just sometimes the lonelyness becomes depressing...

I don't even know in what category to post, my husband once more mention divorce and this time i don't even know why. I am so confused, I really don't want the divorce, but also I don't want to be in a marriage that every time that things get rocky, divorce is around the corner. What should I do?

I know my break up is the "right thing" but it still hurts. Im angry with myself for being lied too and still love and miss her. I know I would take her back and that upsets me more

I know we will both move on but we talk almost everyday. We have joint custody of our 15 yr old daughter. But I am having a hard time getting my head around the fact that my (ex)wife will be dating etc. another man
and possibly already is. My main reason for divorceing her is her infidelity.

this message is to Ingridave2 . i have only been officially divorced for a few months but i understand completely with what you are talking about . I have two children as well . one is 8, the other is 9. Thier father and i were together for 9 years total and during that time he was a good father , he was a LOUSY husband , but a good father . Since i left him, he doesnt seem to have time for the children anymore . he is too busy with his new girlfriend who has made it very clear to myself and my children that she doesnt care for them all that much . my youngest is a girl and she has always been a daddys girl , but now that he is gone and has a gf, she feels as if she has lost her father forever. he has weekend visitation every other weekend and he can call them whenever he wants , he only calls on thursdays before he supposed to pick them up , the kids say all he does is go and buy them things and sit on the couch with his gf, and then brings them back on sundays but that he doesnt do anything with them . they fight with me every time i say its time to get ready to go to your dads neither of them wants to go . im lost and dont know what to do . can some one help me ?

I am currently having the same type of issue with my ex-hub. He also was a good father but terrible husband (although i wa not perfect either) He recently got involved with someone he met online and is totally obsessed. This is his first girlfriend since the divorce and he has become a completely different person. It has gotten to the point where my children also cry and have fits when it is time to go to his house. He has been neglecting them because he is so wrapped up with this new woman. Prior to her he called almost every night to say good night, did more with them, basically just paid attention to them. I have tried to tell him this however he then accuses me of trying to make him feel guilty. I am just trying to get it through his head that he is losing his kids over a 3 week relationship. I am very concerned about the kids. I don't know what to do. It is up to him at this point to make some changes, but he doesn't agree. Thinks I am making it up and telling the kids lies.. which is not true at all. I would never put the kids in the middle of this. I only want what is best for them. I don't trust him anymore as he has been going back on his words, and missing his nights with the kids. He is just not the same person at all. It is very sad and I hope he can make some changes soon or he will lose the kids!

Hi, I'm new as of this week-
Just need a place to get this heavy burden off my chest-I'm working to leave my emotionally abusive "boyfriend" he's negative everytime I talk to him, nothing is ever good enough or right- he doesn't appreciate anything anyone does for him, people start out liking him, but they drift away when they realize this...he's in my band, i live on his property so while I'm looking for another musician for that spot and a job for a new apartment- I have to interact with him-This 43 year old man has the maturity of a 13 year old, he's been laid off, finally had the first interview and wore shorts and sandals when they asked him to the 2nd one -"they'd have to see the real him", has an MBA, BSEE smoked pot all summer and expected me to support him with my disablity income...no I'm not perfect,I've been to a therapist about an emotionally abusive mother and I realize I've been feeling obligated to rewrite the past by pleasing an unpleasable person but I'm done, and moving on.
Here's the problem, I've been dealing with him in passing, by being involved in positive activites ( tap dance classes, community college,)but then he insists that we need to be "close" and "have conversations", which he uses as opportunities to talk about himself.
Every time I talk to him, try to give him the benefit of the doubt, it's almost always a waste of time-I try to be patient and bide my time until he finishes talking, but lately anytime I give him benefit of the doubt it's too draining, this last time it just felt like a big weight on my chest literally, like I could not breathe.

Hello,

I am so glad to have landed in this site. I've gone through separation in 2006 and divorced in 2008. I agree with Direction, we all need space and have clear path to live our life to the fullest. I also like to share experiences and help others ...

Recently I dated two men via online dating, both with qualities I like and how I wish I can find someone in both combination (real time).. It gives temporarily pleasure and excitement.. while keeping myself busy at work and meet up with my girlfriends.. hoping someday I'll meet someone I like lol.

A friend of mine said to me, to lower down my expectations... I disagreed with her... simply because, I had lowered my expectations and was married to, and now divorced, I should deserved better and should not get lower than that (my ex)...

So the points here that we have matured and learned our lessons, forgive ourselves and the one that hurt us in the past... so no one should feel low or bad of themselves after a rough divorce.. always be happy and thank God you are free ... to choose better MAN and direction.... lol

Hello everyone: