Books & resources on divorce & separation

Books and resources for divorce and separation.
Please share your favorite books and websites. Sometimes the right book at the right time can be so helpful or inspiring.

Here are a few books that have been really helpful to me.

Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child. by Isolina Ricci.
This book is for parents who are getting divorced and helps you learn to have a good relationship with your ex-spouse so you can co-parent effectively and without animosity—like a cordial, business relationship. The top priority is placing your kids’ needs first, and this goal helps drive the development of a good post-divorce relationship between the parents. Even though the book was recommended fairly early to me in my divorce process, I wasn’t able to tackle it until I had moved further along. But it is really good once you are grappling with issues like separation, how to tell the kids, developing a custody arrangement and parenting plan, etc.

Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two. By Isolina Ricci.
This is the kids’ version of the book above, especially targeted at ages 10-14. I found this book useful for myself too, as you come to understand better what your kids are going through, what will help them get through this painful process, and how to talk to them better. I’d like to share it with my 13 year old, but I’m not sure she’s ready. The author also says you can read parts of it to younger children too.

The Good Divorce. By Constance Ahrons.
Reading this book was huge for me and contributed to allowing me to move forward and actually tell my husband I wanted a divorce. I was stuck and had been for ages, unable to take the plunge. This book gave me hope that we could separate and divorce and not hate each other and become consumed in vitriol. It gave me hope I could heal from all the pain of my failed marriage, that I could construct a separate future in which my children had strong relationships with both of their parents, and that my ex-husband and I could interact civilly and cordially after our divorce by keeping our children’s best interests paramount. Also useful to separating/separated couples without children. This book was very healing for me, provided positive role models, showed me a way, gave me hope.

On Your Own Again By Keith Anderson with Roy MacSkimming I have just started this book, but it lays out the emotions and watch out for what the author describes as a common pattern for those going through divorce. 1) Hurting - the first three months or so 2) Exploring - the balance of Year one 3) Becoming You - Year Two 4) Gettin gcomfortable - Year Three. I like the fact that the author seems to understand that three months from now, this is still going to be a huge impact on my life and while I might feel better it will have that impact for years to come.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman. Ok I hope people don't mind me putting this one in here. This is for those of you who are perhaps separated or considering it, but would still like to try and save your marriage. It is the best book I ever read on the subject. This is the only book my T (at that time my marriage councelor ever recommended) Lots of good information, but easy to read. Gottman is a professor of psychology and has a website www.gottman.com. He's quoted in the bestseller Blink.

Just want to keep the book thread going. Here's another one I recommend:

Rebuilding: When your Relationship Ends. by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti.
I bought this book and reach into it from time to time for support and understanding. It documents the emotional landscape of divorce and recovery, seems to know just what you are feeling, and has good advice for moving forward. I find the book realistic, yet optimistic. I am glad I bought this one.

Oh what a painful time in one's life.....hugs to all who are going through the process.

One of my favorite resources was the bookstore. I'd just sit down and read read read. Barnes and Nobles or any other bookseller that allows you to sit and read. Helped me tremendously.

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