For the LADIES that LEFT

I knew beforehand, took me 26 years. What a waste.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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Let's remember that life only deals to us what we can handle or what we can find support for, if we believe in ourselves. When we lose faith in ourselves, we lose the ability to conquer our problems. If we accept help with dignity, and still feel that we can succeed, we are stronger with each and every problem we face.

Big hugs to all of us.

hi...i have been separated going on two months...we have been talking and it has been difficult...i think we can work it out but it is something you said ...your so very lonely and yet so alive,,,i wrote something in divorce and separation...and somehow what you said is how i feel...thank you for your time

Wow! I am inspired by your note. I too am in a marriage that I have stayed in because I don't know how to get away but you seem to have figured it out and good for you. I am not sure right now what I will do. I still have a few years (<5) in my career before I can retire. My retirement is important because that is what I will be living on for the rest of my life and my medical insurance is part of that. I don't have the option of moving out of state until I retire because the company I work for is only located in this state. Financial problems are not a real issue but the continuous emotional abuse over years are and I am tired and drained from it and don't want to take on anymore. I don't have family to turn too and my children are grown and moved away. And yes he does take advantage of this too.

My first husband expired unexpectantly due to illness. My children are from my first husband. He was a wonderful husband and father. I actually was naive' enough to think all men were wonderful like him because I never had parents or anyone to tell me differently and we dated when I was in high school.

My second marriage I should have gotten out much sooner but I kept thinking it would get better as we got to know each other but it hasn't. The physical abuse has stopped .......but the mental and emotional abuse are still here because he knows he won't go to jail for it.

Actually I am probably able to leave financially but he has degraded and threatened me so much that the thought of being alone scares me. And yes I am scared he will try to get me back because I have gone back three other times. I am seeing a counselor to work through my concerns but it is going very slow. I know I probably will leave eventually because I don't want to live like I do now and I am getting up in age. I will probably have to leave the state to get far enough away from him.

I am proud that you were able to find a new life and hope that I can one day find the peace that you seem to be working towards. The saddest thing is that my relationship with my second husband has affected my relationship with my children. I know they love me but because I am still in this situation, they "aren't as involved" in my life.

I look forward to the day I can write you and tell you that I have gotten out of this and started a new life on my own. I too do not want to ever be near another man because of this horrible relationship. I will never be able to trust another man as long as I live. I know there are good men out there but I am so hurt and scarred that I will not ever let down my guard again and be vurnerable to another. My second husband even used bible verses to court me----------it sickens me to even think about how it has all developed over the years. I live with a very sick person that needs me for medical reasons but I don't love him anymore and must find peace for myself.

Lost89, I am sorry your partner is so abusive. It sounds like you are moving toward health and healing by planning to leave the relationship. I have been in a 20 year marriage with an abusive spouse, and have recently separated. It took me a long time to get there, including working with 2 counselors. My second counselor really helped a lot, as he is somewhat of a divorce specialist and really knew how to support me and help me move forward. One thing my first counselor had me do in preparation for the divorce was to spend time and energy on building up my sources of support--friends and family. It really helps to have people to lean on during this challenging time, if only a teeny bit.

I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there. You can do it! Now that I am separated and know what it is like to live without him, there is no doubt in my mind that this was the right thing to do. It is so much better being on my own! I hope you will check in here and let us know how you are doing.