Two are better than One

IF one falls the other can help them up. This was a scripture my ex- to-be picked for our wedding. It should have read two are better than one If I fall you will help me up.If you fall I'm going to kick you in the face every time you try to get up.

If that was his outlook, then it's good that he is your ex.

I didn't write that very well I'm the husband but all the same 10yrs gone.

I think a bad spouse is worse than no spouse.

I'ld far rather be alone than have someone demoralizing me.

You sound experienced in the abuse dept. I will second that and we can have this in common if you would want to ever talk about it if you need too my inbox is always open

Yeah, even though there can be real good times, alternating with the bad times, there comes a point where it's just not worth it.

When I moved out after 7 years of him drinking heavily, I thought I'ld hate living alone. It took me all of one week to decide I was a lot happier. Having a peaceful sanctuary of my own was very important to me.

During a time when I was having job instability, he would denigrate me anytime I expressed worry about how a job was going. He seemed to have no grasp of how awful that is to be told you'll probably fail, when you are already terrified of failing.

Times when a person is not succeeding at work is when home needs to be a safe feeling place. He made it so it wasn't.

It was never physical abuse. It was denigration and the utter withholding of encouragement.

I second that also so we have all this in common. Your Ex used you to feel better and he would never communicate. When in public very happy at home nasty man told lies about you too I bet.

No, he didn't.

And I know that courts in WI don't take abuse of a male seriously. I'm sorry that you had to go through this, and be glad that she is 10 years out of your life.

we still aren't divorced she is dragging it out with a atty freind

Thats one of the reasons I dont move forward with separation (there are many others, pro and con) but she's very detailed about how hellish it will be. That threat, in itself, seems abusive to me. Dragging it out seems abusive but that seems to happen a lot.

Leaving after 33 years was the best thing I ever did....& I put 2100 miles between us.....but understand the not divorced yet either. I didn't have money to finish paying for it & he is so financially irresponsible & didn't want a divorce anyway. His reasoning was that it would make him look like a failure.....ya think my leaving 10 years ago & never looking back didn't make him look the same way. that was the strange kind of off thinking I tolerated for 33 years. He actually told me at the end that he thought because I tolerated him for 33 years I would tolerate for the rest of our lives. Only way I tolerated him the first 25 years was because I had a career to hide away in. After losing that depression hit when I couldn't find any work in that career....the beginning of the economic mess that was starting. Had I only listened to the red flags I saw & felt before the wedding I never would have ended up where I did but when a behavior was normal in my growing up life it was hard to know that the behaviors weren't normal. He is still effecting me in seriously negative ways financially but my name is stuck on the home loan because he won't sell & just keeps choosing to default on the loan....even divorce doesn't save me from his irresponsible behavior. It's just nice not to see red any more every time I have to deal with his irresponsible childish behavior.....he was like being married to a child & he was proud that he was that way.

I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary of leaving him & ownership of my own little farm. Being alone is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ironic that my inheritance from my mom who was the one who encouraged my marriage to him because he was NICE (& I rationalized that he couldn't possibly be like my dad because he had his college degree), ended up making it financially possible to leave him. I had been financially trapped in that marriage the last 13 years of those 33 I was with him.

Think there are lots of us who feel this way. Sad there are so many out there who make horrible marriage partners.

yeah i agree sorry for you thanks everyone