[Tailrider]

Hi All. I am not sure where to put this one. So to make a long story short my soon to be ex asked to separate a year ago and started a downward spiral that has led to us filing for divorce. She essentially drove drunk with our two children, ages 12 and 9, in the car (I was able to stop her from pulling away), has gotten scary drunk in front of the childRen many times, has withdrawn from them and me and now the children and I discovered her affair via a cell phone she gave the children to play with. They have expressed to me that they don't want to live with her and gey are so upset over the duscovery. I told her and showed her the discovery of the affair but didn't say that the children know and they haven't said anything to her either. Should they tell her they know? It is killing them.

[Tailrider]

I apologize and should have said thanks in advance for anyone's assistance. Just not myself lately.

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I think, imo, that your kids have the right to tell her they know of the affair and to express their feelings to her about it. It's healthier for the kids that way to feel like they have a voice. I am sure they are very angry. (((((Hugs)))))

[eskielover]

I'm not sure that them or you telling her would really make any difference. Them telling her might just make her blow up at them or get terribly defensive or who knows how she might react tob
them. She is into making BAD choices in her life....that is all part of her bad choices. Her reaction to them telling might just cause even more trauma between them. Maybe it would be best for them to just talk through their feelings about it with you.

I would just lump them all together as bad & go with the divorce & I would make sure the court knows about her drinking so that she doesn't get custody of the kids & only gets supervised visitation.

The affair is minor compared to driving drunk with the kids in the car.

[MickeyCheeky]

Definitely divorce with her as soon as you can.. it's the best thing to do for you and your children

[healingme4me]

I wouldn't demand secrecy of the kids. Their relationship with her is their relationship. On their terms and their time. It's difficult trying to give them a sense of normalcy in their childhood while going through all of this yourself and the broken hearted spouse. However, it's not just the cheating that stands out to me, it's that their mom, your (current) spouse sounds like she's dealing with addiction. The fact that she was choosing to drive inembriated with them is no doubt a battle with alcohol.
Children living in this environment are certainly at risk. What interventions have occurred prior to this incident?
It's a family illness. Are you currently pursuing a therapist for yourself? It takes a long while to recover from the full effects of such a homelife, the cheating certainly seems symptomatic, albeit inexcuseable, of all else that is beneath the surface for her.
My exhusband is without a doubt an alcoholic. My perspective is from personal experience. It wasn't an overnight, washed my hands of it moment. I still need to coparent with him to the best of his ability and of my own of course. The divorce finalized seven years ago. Kids are now 14, almost 12 and nearing 11.

[healingme4me]

I wouldn't demand secrecy of the kids. Their relationship with her is their relationship. On their terms and their time. It's difficult trying to give them a sense of normalcy in their childhood while going through all of this yourself as the broken hearted spouse. However, it's not just the cheating that stands out to me, it's that their mom, your (current) spouse sounds like she's dealing with addiction. The fact that she was choosing to drive inembriated with them is no doubt a battle with alcohol.
Children living in this environment are certainly at risk. What interventions have occurred prior to this incident?
It's a family illness. Are you currently pursuing a therapist for yourself? It takes a long while to recover from the full effects of such a homelife, the cheating certainly seems symptomatic, albeit inexcuseable, of all else that is beneath the surface for her.
My exhusband is without a doubt an alcoholic. My perspective is from personal experience. It wasn't an overnight, washed my hands of it moment. I still need to coparent with him to the best of his ability and of my own of course. The divorce finalized seven years ago. Kids are now 14, almost 12 and nearing 11.