[BDPpartner]

My partner and I have been going through a really rocky time, he has several mental and physical health issues and was in hospital a few months back which has left him with what appears to be post traumatic stress.
Since then he has been very hot and cold with me has thrown me out several times including once when I was wearing very little. I've been called every cruel and hurtful thing he can think of and has accused me of attempting to kill him He's told me that he hates me, doesn't like or love me and that it's over.

He never actually says sorry but he does something takes me out for dinner, books a break away ect he tells me he loves me. We still share a bed and have still been physical with each other and he has booked future holidays and discussed booking others. Two nights ago he laid in bed next to me on the laptop chatting on some online chatroom. I knew he had been going onto them and had asked him previously whether he was looking for my replacement he reassured me it wasn't like that. But I had previously seen a message that he had sent to a younger woman asking if she liked older men. He didn't get a reply and I didn't call him out on it. But two nights ago once he thought I'd fallen asleep he began to exchanging sexual messages with a 25 yr old. I lay reading the messages for a short time then sat up and asked if he was enjoying chatting with her. He tried fobbing me off saying he had just been messaged by some random bloke. I told him that I had been awake and that I had seen the exchange he stayed quiet. I went to the bathroom then return to grab a pillow and blanket before going downstairs, he did question me as to why I was going. I mumbled something about not being able to get comfortable and left the room. I had my phone with me and by the time I reached the sofa he was messaging me asking if he'd upset me, I was honest for once and told him he had hurt me he didn't apologize just told me he understood how it made me feel and that he'd avoid it in future but then he messaged on about us not being in a relationship, that we're just housemates.

Only that day he'd told me he loves me had booked up for us to go away together to visit his family. I don't usually drink but I quickly demolished 4 very large glasses of wine on top of my pain medication and some how drunken I ended up back in bed with him and we fooled around. Now I feel cheap and hurt, I have always known he likes younger women as has ' joked ' over the years about trading me in for a couple of twenty something's !!! I always thought it was just him larkin around but now I am not so sure.

WTF am I still doing here, the doctor has already had to increase my antidepressants

[MickeyCheeky]

[BDPpartner]

I brought a bottle of wine today, it's so out of character for me I think he realised something was wrong !

He started sending me naughty messages saying how much he loves my body ect and that even adult films don't inflame him the way I do but it feels like lip service. I wonder whether he has crossed the line and I'll never trust him the way I did. Don't get me wrong I am not am angel in my life b4 him I frequently had one night stands and was a mistress/f-buddy for several years but that was I didn't trust any man enough to really let them into. I took a huge leap of faith with my partner trusting him and now I don't know if I can ever believe that I mean anything to him

[Medusax]

This might sound very odd and off to most of you...but posts like this make me thankful that my husband and I have always been distant. There is nothing to cause pain.

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by Medusax

This might sound very odd and off to most of you...but posts like this make me thankful that my husband and I have always been distant. There is nothing to cause pain.

I wish I had kept my distance, my partner is the first Man that I have left get close to me, until him I have always kept men at arms length !