[Aviza]

She doesn't know certain things she should at 16. She's without siblings I know she would have had them had I stayed married. Because I used natural family planning as my birth control. She's very ackward not confident and angry with me, seethes underneath.

I still would be crazy because I was going crazy when I was married, my ex didn't realize because it wasn't terrible awful but got worse. I just have so many regrets when it comes to divorcing him and the affects on my daughters development. She is not the person she would be had I stayed with her dad. Everyvtime I see her it's like a slap in the face of how I wreaked her.

[healingme4me]

Did your ex remain an integral part of your daughter's life?

How do you think she'd be different?

What would having remained married had looked like? Would you and your ex be excellent role models of married life?

[Aviza]

He has custody but he's neglectful. Didn't give her baths she was takingcshowers on her own at 5 didn't learn how to wash correctly or shut the shower curtain when showering. That's one example of many things.

We would be poor he was lazy and regularly unemployed. I was a stay home mom who worked irregularly myself. His parents were paying our mortgage back than. We were two spoiled children who got married. Didn't know how to be adults were playing adults. My son was very demanding and social services was in our life. Had I stayed married it would have turned out differently. He would have come home. I would have had help sooner. I was overwhelmed and wanted out so I left. Shucked everything and left.

[healingme4me]

I don't know, if I'd personally go down the path of "if only" here. She is 16 and teens are notorious regardless of their parents marital status of being angry and wicked with the tongue. It's their brains changing.

[MickeyCheeky]

You did the right thing. I don't think it's healthy to think about what could have went differently.. what happened, happened. Now it's time to go forward..

[Rose76]

People get divorced all the time and manage to raise kids who can cope. Divorce is hard on kids, bit so is living with parents whose marriage has unraveled. It sounds like your ex and you had trouble coping with parenthood. That was the problem . . . not the mere fact that you divorced.

Do you have joint custody? Or does your daughter basically live with her father? Not having a sibling did not ruin your daughter's life. Only children manage to grow up successfully in lots of homes. If you feel your parenting was inadequate, then focus on improving that. You can't change your ex. Maybe he's a lousy father. That is what it is. At age 16, your daughter can choose to spend more time with you. Focus on now. Bewailing the past is an excuse to abandon what you are responsible for now. These self-recriminations are a distraction. You don't have time for lamenting what's over and done. Not one single second of the past can be relived. You did what you were capable of then. Now you are older and wiser. Make a plan for tomorrow and for the rest of the week. That's enough to keep your mind busy.

If you have a son, then your daughter has a brother. Where is your son? I'm confused. Yes, children are demanding. Your ex and you got into a marriage you weren't mature enough for. That's happened to lots of people. It's unfortunate, but it happened. Maybe your daughter is owed an apology. If so, make it. Then tell her you both have to make the best of what is possible now. Then do that. No more hand-wringing. You don't have time for that.