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#1
Dec 02, 2018, 10:26 AM
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My husband was sexually abused by his older brother and his father was an alcoholic. Very dysfunctional home life growing up. Doesn’t like to be touched, showed little emotion,etc. Went to counseling and while EMDR therapy did help him confront the abuse, he became even more withdrawn. Finally made the decision to divorce after 17 years of marriage. I have Rhematoid arthritis and gained weight the last couple of years. Finally starting to feel and look better after losing 23 lbs but now I feel myself getting so angry at how unsupportive and cavalier he has been about situation. Any advice about how to get over the anger would be appreciative. I feel like I put up with so much of his issues in marriage for so long and now it’s like he is a stranger. Should mention that he still sucks his thumb while sleeping, is a sexsomniac, and just found out he has the testosterone levels of an 85 yo so candidly he is no great prize. Don’t know why I feel this way as I don’t love him anymore and definitely don’t want to get back together. Sorry for the length of this post. Clearly needed to vent.
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 Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
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#2
Dec 02, 2018, 11:18 AM
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I'm sorry you're struggling, Beachgirl850
 It usually takes time to get over a divorce. After all, you've been with man for 17 years... that's a long time. I do believe you'll get over him: just give it time, focus on yourself and don't think about it too much. Sending many hugs to you  
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| Bill3
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 Bill3
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#3
Dec 02, 2018, 01:22 PM
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Thank you so much. Really needed to hear that!
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| MickeyCheeky
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| MickeyCheeky
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#4
Dec 03, 2018, 09:11 PM
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Accept and embrace the anger is the advice that I would give. It is part of the stages of grieving, afterall.
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| MickeyCheeky
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| Bill3, MickeyCheeky
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#5
Dec 21, 2018, 11:44 AM
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You have to decide how important the anger is to you. Believe it or not, IME we want to be angry sometimes which gives the other person power over you. Sometimes we need to be angry as a coping skill but you get to a point where that anger does not serve you well. When you "forgive" someone its for your own good, not theirs.
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| MickeyCheeky
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| butterfly_angel, MickeyCheeky
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#6
Dec 23, 2018, 03:34 PM
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I've always heard, "Forgiveness is for ourselves, not the person who hurt us" (or some variation on that) & at first I was angry too & didn't understand what that meant. Now that I've moved passed the anger, I understand, it's to bring us closure and healing, even though the person who wronged us may never alologize or take responsibility. Although forgiveness is not easy to give, I encourage you to forgive him, as well as yourself so that you may find peace.
__________________
Dx's: Major Depressive Disorder (2006), Anxiety Disorder (2013), Attention Deficit Disorder, primary inattentiveness (1993). Current Meds/Supplements Wellbutrin XL 300mg, 100mg of 5-HTP, B-Complex Vitamin, & 2000mg Omega-3 fish oil in AM, Melatonin 6mg at bedtime I've literally tried just about everything from A(mbien) to Z(oloft, just ask me if you have questions about my experiences! |
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