[facelesscontributor]

Most articles I've found from search engines involve talking about how to leave your abusive husband or how to know you're in a toxic relationship. That's all well and good, but what about if YOU are the toxic person and the other person is too blind or nostalgic to leave you and save themselves?


I am most definitely a narcissist. No, don't tell me that I am not one because narcissists never think they are one. That isn't true. Self awareness is NOT enough to fix yourself, contrary to popular belief.


He is a good person and he deserves a better life with a woman who is a fully formed adult and will appreciate him naturally, the way he deserves and she won't have to "try" to do it. It will just happen. He's still young and also smart and can earn money and he's accomplished in his field. He has a lot going for him. His friends know how I am, he will have endless support and they will introduce him to people. but he's attached to our life, I think he loves the idea of me, or what I could become if I found the right medication or therapy or mindset. But I am unfixable and I wish he would save himself.

He won't do it. he keeps staying and all we do is fight. He'll never heal if he doesn't go. He keeps remembering the good times and says I haven't brought him ALL misery, but any of you in abusive relationships know full well that you can't stay with someone just because there were good times. It's the whole package that counts.


Can someone please tell me how to convince him to leave me in the most humane way possible? How can I get him to see the truth and save himself before he is too hurt to ever trust again? Please, I am desperate to save my husband. He doesn't deserve this.

[Skeezyks]

Well... DocJohn has an article, in PC's archives, titled: "You Can Only Change Yourself". Here's a link:

You Can Only Change Yourself

And, assuming DocJohn is correct (is there any doubt?), then you can't change your husband. Only he can do that for himself. And if he won't then the ball is in your court, as they say. Perhaps it's not a matter of you figuring out a way to get him to leave. Perhaps it's you who needs to figure out a way to do the leaving if it's that important that it happen. At least that is my thought with regard to your post.

Originally Posted by facelesscontributor

Can someone please tell me how to convince him to leave me in the most humane way possible?

Leave him. Tell him you need to figure yourself out before you can be in a relationship, and that being in a relationship is too much for you to handle right now. Which is true. And then go get help.

He'll probably fall for another narcissist anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Or, you could let him decide what he's willing to put up with in order to feel happy and fulfilled. He's an adult with his own reasons and desires, after all. I'd still take a break from the relationship so that you can sort yourself out, but maybe he'd be willing to wait.

[sarahsweets]

You can convince him to leave, you need to do it.

[MickeyCheeky]

If that's how you feel, @facelesscontributor, then I agree with all the other wise, wonderful posters that it's up to YOU to leave him. Tell him that you don't feel ready for a relationship right now! Just be honest with him and tell him that you think that's the best option for BOTH of you. Also, I wish you good luck on your healing and your journey! I truly don't believe you're "unfixable" and even though self-awareness by itself may not be enough it IS a good starting point so be proud of yourself for that. I hope things will work out well for BOTH of you in your own separate lives and I hope you have a support system IRL as well. I'm not sure if you're seeing a therapist right now but maybe that could help if you haven't considered it already. In any case, I wish you BOTH the best of luck with your journey and your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH of you and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for WHO YOU TRULY ARE, FACELESSCONTRIBUTOR! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!