[darrinbailey]

I am a recovering alcoholic. Had a drunken blackout and apparently said some pretty ugly things. Anyway after a 21 day gap my wife filed a Victims Protection Order. After I read the order I voluntarily checked into an alcohol and drug treatment facility. While in treatment my wife filed for divorce. Married 20 years in October.

To my question. We are still separated due to the VPO. At the VPO hearing she requested that we be allowed to go to counseling and that our youngest daughter be removed from the VPO.

I spoke with two counselors near our area. Due to the VPO I had my mother contact her to see if she wanted to attend counseling.

Her answer, via text, was a very abrupt NO. I take that as meaning she is done with the marriage and not willing to work on it. Is that a correct interpretation. I know that the community(we live in a small rural community) has had a rough day a long term teacher passed away.

I appreciate your thoughts. I personally love my wife, but completely understand why she would have a trust issue with me. I have not been sober for 60 days yet, will be on Wednesday.

Thoughts appreciated.

[Skeezyks]

Hello darrinbailey: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the addictions forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/addictions/

You asked if your wife's "no" response, with regard to the question of counseling, means she is done with the marriage & not willing to work on it. I don't know as I have the answer to that. Only your wife knows for certain. But that's the way I would interpret it. Perhaps other PC members will have differing perspectives they can share. In the meantime however here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of discernment counseling that may be of some interest:

When One Spouse Wants Out of the Marriage But the Other Doesn't

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[sarahsweets]

I am glad you are sober. I also am an alcoholic and have been sober for 7 years. Do you go to meetings? It sounds like your wife is done but she has no right to make your daughter be done. If she wont get counseling-fine but your daughter needs it. You are her father and you need a chance to make amends and be in her life. Do you have a lawyer? You should get one. You need to nurture your daughter not be blocked from her. What are the laws regarding those types of orders and children? What does your family say?

[sarcgeo]

I gave up drinking close to 20 years ago. Kudos to you for trying to stop the seduction of alcohol. That is a very brave first step.

Regarding your daughter, I agree with sarahsweets, your daughter should not be blocked from you. Trust me, I know the pain when your partner wants to end the marriage.

Hang in there and confide in some friends that you may have obtained from the treatment facility.

You must return to the you that didn't used to drink, you must learn to HATE alcohol. That is how I did it. I have never touched it again.