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JustMeAndTheCatNow
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Default Aug 19, 2020 at 01:32 PM
  #1
I felt like she has been growing distant for a long time now. Things we used to do now we wouldn't. She stopped showering with me, stopped coming to bed early with me, and she would stay up late playing VR chat with her new friends. One day I found her sending selfies to strangers online (and not to me as well) and confronted her. I asked that she at least ask me how I feel before trying to get attention from other people online and that I would prefer is she would send selfies to me. She agreed and apologized. Only 2 days later I found her selfie again addressed to another individual, and asked her if she had been sending more selfies for attention and she promised and swore she didn't even though I had already seen them. This isn't the first time she had ever lied to me, and she has had a long history of lying to me. I try to communicate with her but she claimed she gets emotionally overloaded so she cant reply when we talk. So, I have to leave her alone and the communication never happens truly. After she lied about the selfies I asked her to go back to her family for a bit but it is states away. She called her dad and he told her to work it out with me, and didn't want her to come home. I told he since I couldn't handle her lying anymore to please just tell me the truth. She finally admitted she stopped loving me a year ago and that it was just easier to fake being in love and enjoying sex than to go back home where she wasn't wanted. I was devastated. I asked her if she felt like she could ever love me again or if it was the beginning of a divorce. She replied that she could never love me again like when we first met. She left yesterday on a plane back home. Last night I did not sleep and laid paralyzed and shivering in my own coldsweat. I tried to put most of her stuff out of sight so I wouldn't think of her as much. This is day 2 and I am alone in this house with my cat now. I look around and imagine her everywhere. All the places she would be. I am a broken man, who endured bootcamp like it was cake only a few years ago. That was nothing compared to the pain I now feel. If anyone out there could help me in any way... I would appreciate anyone at all... somebody to talk to, so I am not alone in this home with my baby cat who we called our child.
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Default Aug 19, 2020 at 04:44 PM
  #2
Hi JustMeAndTheCatNow. Welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry for the devastating loss. It seems like it is really difficult for you.

It is not easy, but starting to do self care might help a bit. Eating healthy food, walking or exercising, doing some kind of activities to take your mind off things might help.

Feel free to read other forums and reply to other's post where you feel like it.

Hope you get the support you need
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Nammu
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Default Aug 19, 2020 at 06:02 PM
  #3
Better that she’s gone than sitting there pretending to care. Still it must be lonely with just the cat. I agree with the above poster, self care is the key. You survived your boot camp you will survive this. It hurts but you will persist.

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Default Aug 20, 2020 at 02:57 PM
  #4
I am sorry you are hurting and trying to see through this disappointed fog you are in. Well, this young woman was not ready to have a long term relationship. She just got bored and even though this hurts, it's better you found out now rather than later when you have to worry about children and a wife who cheats on you. In time you can heal from this and find someone who IS capable of loving you and having a long term relationship with you.
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SuddenlySingle
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Default Aug 31, 2020 at 07:55 AM
  #5
I just want to say that I'm very sorry for what you're going through.
And I can relate. I also feel that my husband tapped out of our marriage about a year or two ago. That's why it was easier for him to leave the marriage.
He used to prefer playing online games into the early hours of the morning and coming to bed very late. So many times I had to ask him when he's coming to bed.

It's hard seeing her stuff (she should come fetch it) and the places she used to occupy. And it will be for a while. But I think everyone on here gave some good advice when they told you to practise self-care. I try to exercise and to focus on doing things that I enjoy. But it's also okay to feel sad sometimes. I think it's all part of the healing process to allow yourself to feel those feelings.

Your cat a helpful companion. Better than being alone. I have my dog and it helps to have her here.

I wish you all the best.
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Default Sep 02, 2020 at 05:19 PM
  #6
I'm so sorry for your pain.... I have been in a loveless marriage for a long time. My daughter was 3 when I first discovered the cheating, I was 29 years old, according to other people quite attractive, and yet my husband just kept cheating. I have have breakdowns every time I caught him, cry, ask why, what was wrong with me? He always said it was a mistake, he was sorry, we would make up, but the pattern continued. We are still married, that's another story, but I have no feelings for him anymore, indifference is probably the major emotion. I cook and do laundry for the hosuehold, I work full time, take care of our 2 kids, basically fulfill my responsibilities as mother and "woman of the house", whatever that means. But I tell you, you dodged a bullet. You don't want to be where I am, and try to see the bright side, that there are no children in the mix. I feel for you, hang in there. You sound like a man with a lot of love to give, some lucky woman will find her way into your life.
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sarahsweets
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Default Sep 09, 2020 at 01:02 AM
  #7
Hi @JustMeAndTheCatNow, welcome. I am so sorry for your heart ache. How long have you been married? Were there any other signs of problems?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustMeAndTheCatNow View Post
I felt like she has been growing distant for a long time now. Things we used to do now we wouldn't. She stopped showering with me, stopped coming to bed early with me, and she would stay up late playing VR chat with her new friends. One day I found her sending selfies to strangers online (and not to me as well) and confronted her. I asked that she at least ask me how I feel before trying to get attention from other people online and that I would prefer is she would send selfies to me. She agreed and apologized. Only 2 days later I found her selfie again addressed to another individual, and asked her if she had been sending more selfies for attention and she promised and swore she didn't even though I had already seen them. This isn't the first time she had ever lied to me, and she has had a long history of lying to me. I try to communicate with her but she claimed she gets emotionally overloaded so she cant reply when we talk. So, I have to leave her alone and the communication never happens truly. After she lied about the selfies I asked her to go back to her family for a bit but it is states away. She called her dad and he told her to work it out with me, and didn't want her to come home. I told he since I couldn't handle her lying anymore to please just tell me the truth. She finally admitted she stopped loving me a year ago and that it was just easier to fake being in love and enjoying sex than to go back home where she wasn't wanted. I was devastated. I asked her if she felt like she could ever love me again or if it was the beginning of a divorce. She replied that she could never love me again like when we first met. She left yesterday on a plane back home. Last night I did not sleep and laid paralyzed and shivering in my own coldsweat. I tried to put most of her stuff out of sight so I wouldn't think of her as much. This is day 2 and I am alone in this house with my cat now. I look around and imagine her everywhere. All the places she would be. I am a broken man, who endured bootcamp like it was cake only a few years ago. That was nothing compared to the pain I now feel. If anyone out there could help me in any way... I would appreciate anyone at all... somebody to talk to, so I am not alone in this home with my baby cat who we called our child.

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Here we go again
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Default Dec 30, 2020 at 08:10 PM
  #8
You deserve better than this. You will in time know how valuable you are and how lucky you really are. You won't understand now because it's raw, but you will soon see that this is for the best

I am in love with my husband but he doesn't love me. According to him, he had faked it for 4-5 years and can't take it anymore. I have been so happy and didn't know. I am numb and confused. Nothing worse than loving someone that doesn't love you. He doesn't love himself, so it's very hard for him to love another, I wish he would work on his own healing and seek help instead of putting our family's heart on the chopping block.
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