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Here we go again
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Member Since: Dec 2020
Location: Usa
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Trig Dec 30, 2020 at 02:10 PM
  #1
Hi everyone,

I'm new here and wishing you all love and happiness.

Married for 12.5 years, together for 15.5, we had happy family, all the way until we moved away to another state for his job. I lost all my network of friends, quit my job to move, and became a housewife with a toddler and a baby.

My husband's career took off and he has become very successful due to his hard work, skill and support at home. We both have sacrificed family time for him to get ahead and become the successful man he is today. I'm so proud of him. His new job brought also spoils of overseas travel, first class tickets and a fun group of coworkers in fun locales without the worry of diapers, bills, tantrums etc. and all the normal day to day household things. So home life became "boring" as he started to travel more and see us less and less.

He changed completely, his priorities changed. I love him very much, and this is hard because he said that he hasn't been happy for years (not a coincidence the same amount of years that he has been travelling with his co-workers). Not suprisingly, he had an affair with a woman that he travelled with. My wonderful husband, the man that I love, it was very hard. He moved in with her for 4 months then came back home after realizing that that didn't make him happy either. It has been a hard couple of years dealing with recovering from the affair and mending our marriage. He refused counseling, I've gone on my own. I though we were good, were happy and then here we go again, he tells me he is not happy and has an appointment with a lawyer next week. I'm devastated.

He struggles from undiagnosed me talk health issues, he had depression as a teenager, and ptsd as an adult having home to war 4 times, his new job is very stressful which triggers him, so he is anxious and depressed and can't deal with normal day to day things at home. To top it off, his best friend travel buddy killed himself a few weeks a go, which triggered this situation. He says it would be easier if he didn't have to deal with other things other than his job, and that he wants us to be friends.

Sigh... I am in love with him, he is a good man and he suffers from mental health issues undiagnosed, doesn't want any help and his issues some makes everything at home seem bad when in reality it isn't. He says that he wants me to be happy and that he has not been a good husband and father, but throughout all of this all I can say is that I have incredible respect, love and care for him and our family, and that has not changed despite it all. We have everything we need to be happy and we both believe external circumstances brought us here, but nothing is wrong with us.

I feel that our marriage is worth saving. Making an appointment has only made me physically ill and sad. I feel anxious and can't sleep, I feel like am not myself, like I'm an annoyance that can't utter a compliment without sounding desperate, unsincere, pathetic, and stupid.

I don't know what to do anymore and I am tired. I don't want our family be torn apart. When we worked on our marriage we became happy again and it was the happiest he had even been in his life he said, then
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He seems decided on divorce, and he said
Possible trigger:
I'm sad and this all makes me feel bad. It seems like life it's too much to bear for him. This stinks.

Last edited by CANDC; Dec 30, 2020 at 08:03 PM.. Reason: Add trigger code
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Here we go again
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Here we go again has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2020
Location: Usa
Posts: 43
3 yr Member
16 hugs
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Default Dec 30, 2020 at 09:28 PM
  #2
Ps/ I have to learn not to love him anymore, but everytime I see him my knees tremble. I can't stand that he rejects me, I can't do anything right, and wants to be "my best friend". That killed me into acceptance. I will get through this.
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LVNerdygirl
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Default Dec 30, 2020 at 10:42 PM
  #3
That seems to be the hardest part. Learning not to love someone who you feel so passionate about is so difficult. I can't offer anything because I still have not learned how to make it better. I can listen and say it's not you. You gave so much of yourself and at some point you have to stop giving because you have nothing left. Nobody deserves to feel low, everyone deserves happiness and sometimes it is scary to look back and realize you weren't really happy. Be strong and you will make it through to the other side. He will look back and it will be too late. Don't let his problems become yours. As you are told on a plane you must first help yourself or you can't help loved ones put on their oxygen. Focus on your oxygen
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Laughsmilecry
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 11:23 PM
  #4
Your feelings and situations are very similar to mines. Like you I love my husband to death and he simply does not. I was the one who decided to move us for a job. We have both prospered here though. Even with the cheating and a child I still think the marriage is worth saving. I can do no right when it comes to him. I feel like I’m forced to make decisions alone and critiqued for the decisions I make. When i say forced I mean he isn’t in the home so he doesn’t feel he has the right to make decisions in my house but often talks about the choices I’ve made or says he would do differently. I often feel like I’m inadequate although I’m very smart and capable. Sometimes I want to let go to not have to deal with it as much. I’ve never voiced that before. I’m very confused.
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Default Mar 28, 2021 at 09:36 AM
  #5
I feel so bad for you and I understand how you feel. So sorry.
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Default Mar 28, 2021 at 12:28 PM
  #6
So Sorry about everything that is happening and So Sorry for your Losses! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posts. i don't think this is your fault and it does seem like he's struggling himself. Try to insist with couple counseling if you can but other than that i am not sure if therer is much else you can do to convince him to stay. Please do not give up. i Hope and Pray things will turn out well for everyone. Hugs. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Here we go again, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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