advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Styistlife
New Member
Styistlife has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: NYC ~> FL due to pandemic
Posts: 2
3 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Jan 13, 2021 at 12:04 PM
  #1
Hi all,
I could use your input and guidance during this difficult time. I just got through my 1st month separated (headed into month 2). It was a very difficult decision but I asked my husband to separate. He reluctantly agreed (after being unhappy himself). He left and never looked back. Initially we were communicating, i thought we would take sometime then try to heal in some way but after this month communication has stopped. He was at first very angry (which made me retreat/hide/backoff) and only wanted to communicate about our son. Slowly this changed into him disappearing then reappearing when his elderly parents came back into town (to put on a show that he is an attentive father). He know requests to see our son 3 days a week (to say goodnight) and one day on the weekend. He now just communicates about our son (& his parents seeing our son) which I am very agreeable to and do whatever I can to make sure they see each other. As the communication disintegrates how do I come to terms with the situation and am I supposed to try to make things work?
Styistlife is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Have Hope

advertisement
Heartbroken138
New Member
Heartbroken138 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
Location: Mechanicsburg
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Default Jan 13, 2021 at 01:43 PM
  #2
My husband just made the decision to leave me. I had asked him to leave several times, as he is an abusive alcoholic.....he left and came back 3 times. Now he has gone to rehab and after asking for one last chance to save our marriage, he has now decided I'm the cause of all his problems (drinking, abuse, etc). I'm heartbroken, I thought rehab would help him and we could save our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.
Heartbroken138 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 15, 2021 at 09:43 AM
  #3
The question is: do YOU want to make it work? Separation was your decision. So why did you decide this? What factors were involved? Have you been unhappy for a while? Has your husband been unhappy for a while? Have you tried to fix things in the marriage and talk about the problems together before you separated?

You don't have to answer these questions here - this is just to get you thinking about the reasons for the separation. Usually, when people decide to separate, it's for a good reason or for many good reasons. You seem ambivalent about it. Nothing is set in stone. You can always try to resolve the problems together - or not.

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Here we go again
Member
Here we go again has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2020
Location: Usa
Posts: 43
3 yr Member
16 hugs
given
Default Jan 15, 2021 at 04:36 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartbroken138 View Post
My husband just made the decision to leave me. I had asked him to leave several times, as he is an abusive alcoholic.....he left and came back 3 times. Now he has gone to rehab and after asking for one last chance to save our marriage, he has now decided I'm the cause of all his problems (drinking, abuse, etc). I'm heartbroken, I thought rehab would help him and we could save our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.
Try staring a new thread. Abusers usually blame the people that love them for their problems. It is him, not you, so not for a second let him bkameshift his problems on you. This is on him, you did not make the decision of him being an addict, it is and has always been his decision.
Here we go again is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 15, 2021 at 04:38 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartbroken138 View Post
My husband just made the decision to leave me. I had asked him to leave several times, as he is an abusive alcoholic.....he left and came back 3 times. Now he has gone to rehab and after asking for one last chance to save our marriage, he has now decided I'm the cause of all his problems (drinking, abuse, etc). I'm heartbroken, I thought rehab would help him and we could save our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.
Yes - I suggest starting your own thread so you can get support around this for yourself on here. Loads of caring and helpful people!


__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Cinderella67
New Member
Cinderella67 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2021
Location: Wayne
Posts: 4
3 yr Member
Default Mar 05, 2021 at 06:34 PM
  #6
Hi there... new here but just read your post... sorry for that situation. You seem to be tho pretty clear now that you will separate, I guess he has shown you his real face ... I am in a similar situation, 2 weeks ago only I moved out. He is making some lame efforts to communicate but really cannot. He just wants to see us as a family and does not really care about my feelings. I know it is all about the kids. But I can tell you that your ex is hiding behind his kids too.... that is one way never to grow up!
Hoping you find a base of communication with him. I am reading the book “Uncoupling” for the second time already.... see if it would help you. You seem to be a nice person who wants the kids to have relationship w the grandparents etc. I loved the book... all the best to you... one step at a time. Xo. Big hug
Cinderella67 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:13 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.