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Icemanz
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Default Jan 23, 2021 at 07:11 AM
  #1
Ok here we go........ Been married for about 15 years, have three children 9,10 and 12. I am currently stationed overseas and have 2 more years on my tour. Back in Sept 2020 my wife decided to surprise me with she is not happy no more and think we will be better going our separate ways. I was shocked, I never cheated on her or was abusive and taken by surprise. I asked her if we could try marraige counseling, she accepted and during the marriage counseling she had no will to making the marriage work. Fast forward to December she leaves to go back stateside with 2 of 3 children. For the kids I'm trying my best to keep things civil, we came up with financial agreements until I return and so far that aspect has been working. Since she has been gone, she doesn't want to really communicate with me. Thank god for FaceTime I can chat with the children. We are still friends on facebook and to me it seems like she has no care in the world how she left me and is moving on with her life like I never existed. I am about a month into being separated and depressed and having a hard time dealing with Single life. Im not much of a social person and realized most of the people we hung out with were her friends. Starting over is super hard, and I'm lost on what to do. Feels good just sharing my story.
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Default Jan 23, 2021 at 12:18 PM
  #2
Hi @Icemanz - welcome to My Support Forums. I am sorry for the losses you feel as a relationship that has been a big part of your life changes in a big way. Glad you have joined the community. Hope you get the support you are looking for.

Some of these articles may be of interest
8 Strategies for Helping Kids Adjust to a Divorce | Psychology Today

Children and divorce: Helping kids after a breakup - Mayo Clinic

7 Key Facts About Divorce After Long Marriages | Psychology Today

Dealing with a Breakup or Divorce - HelpGuide.org

I find online exercise classes help me feel better physically and also give me some social time even if not the normal face to face class. A divorce support group and or a therapist can also be a big help.
@CANDC

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MickeyCheeky
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Default Jan 23, 2021 at 01:38 PM
  #3
So Sorry this is happening! Unfortunately it can be hard to go through a divorce especially if you don't have much of a support system most likely. Please do feel free to write here and contact any friends or relatives that you feel like may help you go through this difficult moment. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Icemanz, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Icemanz
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Default Jan 23, 2021 at 11:51 PM
  #4
Thank you for the kind words. Everyday is a challenge, some good and some not so good. Not much of a support system here overseas but there are a few people I talk to regarding this that helps.
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Newpath
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Default Jan 28, 2021 at 07:24 PM
  #5
I'm new to this but understand your pain.
I filed for divorce but still heart breaking.
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Icemanz
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Default Jan 29, 2021 at 08:24 AM
  #6
She has been gone for over a month, chat with the kids often but not much like we never existed. Really hurts, and hope time will heal me and I can move on.
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Newpath
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Smile Jan 31, 2021 at 11:50 PM
  #7
Time will heal but it doesn't make it easier. I can only imagine you being overseas and dealing with this. Thank you for your service. One day at a time.
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cjackson968
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Default Feb 13, 2021 at 12:10 AM
  #8
I walked through something similar starting in 2019. During our 15 year marriage she was adulterous multiple times, however, I stood by her side and always asked for her to seek help, to go to church, and was always encouraging.

I left my career of 13 years to be home with my family in October 2019. In December 2019 things started to come unglued and she wanted out. She said she would try to stay if the marriage was open. I was at a low-point and against my morals said yes because I didn't know what else to do, I was hoping she would see the error in her ways. Well she ended up leaving me and our 4 kids for one of the guys she met.

I knew it was the end, I was hurt, begging for her to come back, my world was shattered my family was lost. During this time I sought a closer relationship with God and prayed to let go. The moment I let go is the moment God started working in my life. Not even 4 months into our separation God sent me an angel, she has been the most beautiful person to me and encourages me daily with the word and just giving me self-confidence.

I know it's hard, I was there but trust me.

Last edited by bluekoi; Feb 13, 2021 at 11:52 AM.. Reason: Religion
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Laughsmilecry
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 10:57 PM
  #9
I’m with you about starting over. I’m not super social either. The idea of even trying to date again is scary. My kids are 17 and 13. They love their dad and know nothing about the affair. I’m afraid for them to know either.
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