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Jimbo2802
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Member Since: Apr 2021
Location: Gibraltar
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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 06:27 AM
  #1
I have 3 kids from my ex-wife. I then spent 9 years with a new partner (no kids with her). This partner left me in June 2020, mainly due to me not marrying her and my mental health issues. It was a very happy relationship overall but we were very dependent on each other and things started to go wrong about 3 years ago. Since she left in June I suspected she was in another relationship but she denied it and kept saying she needed space and still loved and missed me but wanted to take things super slow. We only met up once, in November 2020, kissed, hugged (did not sleep together).

As recently as early February this year she thanked me for giving her the space she needed and told me she would like to spend the day together. It never happened and she went very quiet.

Last week she told me the truth: she has been in a relationship all along and is engaged to the new guy. She then blocked me on phone and email.

I'm glad for the closure but the last year has been absolute hell and I am devastated. I have intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings which I don't upon for the sake of my kids, and an inconsolable grief which is eating me up inside my body.

I know this is a lot. It would be nice to connect with anyone who understands what I'm going through.
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Yaowen
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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 09:52 AM
  #2
Dear Jimbo2802,

I am so very, very sorry you are suffering. People who never go through such things can never ever really understand how awful and devastating these things are. After a separation I developed clinical depression which became so severe that I had to be hospitalized. Luckily I was given medical treatment that helped me bounce back from the terrible pain I suffered. Separation can be the most painful thing a human being can go through in my opinion and my heart goes out to you. Wish I knew what to say to ease your pain and grief and distress! Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Zipper dog
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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 10:29 AM
  #3
Dear Jimbo 2802,
My heart goes out to you. We definitely know most of the time when things are not right. It's sad that she wanted you to marry her and when you said no, she found greener pastures. She eventually got what she wanted. I believe that the pain of betrayal and staying in a no-win relationship is the worst. I'd say you dodged the bullet. If she cheated on you and wasn't honest about it, just might happen again. You've got 3 beautiful children that depend on you. What will happen to them, if something happens to you, my friend? Hugs from afar...Zipper dog
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Jimbo2802
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 02:36 AM
  #4
Your words are comforting Yaowen. I am feeling like that right now, I am really struggling to function in my daily living as I am in such awful pain. It's good to know you got through your terrible ordeal, thank you for your wonderful support.
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Jimbo2802
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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 02:39 AM
  #5
I know you are right Zipper Dog, I'm trying so hard to keep going. Thank you my friend.
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Ocn88
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 01:50 PM
  #6
Hi jimbo2802,

I'm sorry that you are going though this. Its the hardest thing in the world when you feel like something is going on but she denies it. I asked my wife this last night and she said no but, we are seperating and taking things "slow". Im a nice guy but I learned that sometimes people would rather hurt you in the worst way despite you doing everything you can for them. Darkness will only bring out the best in you because you can say you made it through. I wish you the best.
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WishLifeWereFair
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 09:07 PM
  #7
I am so effing sorry to read this.

I may not be of much comfort as I'm going thru my own stuff and I feel a lot of anger, a lot of the time.

Humans can be so selfish. She was clearly looking out for herself, and whatever happened to you, meh sorry. Unless you were some abusive a-hole, you don't deserve this. Most humans deserve honesty almost all of the time. Being met with lies with something so big and important. That's terrible.

I'm sorry.
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Jimbo2802
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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 04:18 PM
  #8
@WishLifeWereFair what you've said is true and it is good to know that I'm not the only one who gets how hurtful lies are. So thank you for replying. I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. We will come out the other side. Sometimes people don't deserve us. How are you holding up right now?
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Saraceno
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Trig Apr 26, 2021 at 03:26 PM
  #9
I understand what you're going through. Last week my girlfriend with whom I have a 4 year old son told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore after 7 years together. To make matters worse she is seeing someone else.
The pain and emotional upheaval I am feeling is almost too much to bear. I am constantly oscillating between panic and depression. The future is suddenly a bleak and scary as hell prospect and I am terrified of the loneliness that lies ahead. I will be 47 this year and I'm not holding out much hope of meeting s.o. for whom I'll manage to achieve the level of love intimacy and respect I had for her.

The worst part of it all is that I had it coming. I have been emotionally unavailable for the last few years because of all the pressures of life, work, childrearing, household. Now that it's over i can't stop playing back all the moments in my head when i was neglectful and uncaring. The guilt and remorse i feel are unbearable. There is nothing worse than realizing you threw away the best thing in your life. This will haunt me for as long as I live.

To be honest
Possible trigger:
i cannot see myself ever recovering from this, but that would just shift the pain to others who are undeserving of it. At the same time i have no idea how i am going to bounce back. This is by far the single most traumatic experience of my life. The world suddenly feel cold and alien and there is nothing to do but live through each horrendous moment.

My one and only comfort is scouring the net looking for posts from people who are going through the same hell. It helps to know you're not the only one.

I hope this provides you with some comfort. You are not alone.

Last edited by CANDC; Apr 26, 2021 at 03:44 PM.. Reason: Add trigger code
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