Struggling with the loss of my rock

Hello,

I have been with my wife for 30 years and married for 25 years. I will be filling for divorce on Tuesday. I do not want this but my wife thinks that it is the best for us. A little background on me is i am former alcoholic who has been sober for 5 years come September. I was so consumed in myself over the years with my job, the long term care of my father and my needs that I neglected the best person for me was right next to me. We have been separated off and on for 8 months. She has found someone that she wants to see will make her happy. We had bad communication skills even being together this long, I have told her many times that I wish I could go back and change things I would but I can’t only from this point onward can I do. I did not listen to her until it was too late. I know I made mistakes but I was true to her. I told her I had forgiven her for the infidelity and we really tried for the last few months to work it she says that I have changed for the better but she has also changed. She says she loves but her feelings have changed. She tells me I am her weakness but that her feelings have changed. I tell her she is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose her but I also want what’s best for her. Sometimes I wake up and think this a bad dream and I am going to wake up. I would like to know how people on here are coping with this and how do they handle the sorrow? Come Tuesday it will be the hardest thing in my life to do.

Dear Hurtingds1,

What a heartbreaking situation! Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. Wish I knew what to say to help or to ease your pain and grief. My heart goes out to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Letting go of someone we love is the hardest thing to do whether through divorce or death. Divorce is like a death and in some ways harder. Wish I could lessen your heartbreak and hoping at some point in the not too distant future you can start envisioning a life for yourself that will be ok. It is possible!

Hurtingds1, it is so hard to read about your pain.

I am the wife. I just told my husband to leave on Sunday night.
I can tell you what I experienced on that side. I feared at first that he didn’t love me; now I fear that I can’t put up with him anymore.
I hope that he will change, and I hope that I will change.
My need is to know that he 100% recognizes and takes responsibility for his behaviour. I need to see my triggers and have them soothed.
Most of all, I want my husband to reflect, to listen to what I need, and to never give up.

Maybe if you truly truly give it your all and don’t give up, you will foe able to offer her peace. Maybe that will bring you peace as well. Maybe that will bring you back together, but knowing yourself so deeply and caring for her so strongly could not be wrong., no matter the result.

I’m so sorry for your remorse.