My divorce story

I stumbled upon this forum, and have felt validated reading peoples' stories and I've decided that I need to post my story.
Husband moved out a few months ago saying that he "gave up hope" on our marriage (16 years) after months of couples counseling. I was blindsided but shouldn't have been, and I didn't work hard enough to make the changes he needed to help him feel emotionally safe (I have a temper & anger issues) and he has PTSD from childhood.
I kept hoping that he would change his mind, that he didn't really want the marriage to end. There are no children, and we've been together for so long. It's so difficult for me to believe that this is what he wanted, because it's so far from what I wanted.
I think that he felt like he put my needs above his own (not healthy) and the only way for him to heal & grow is by leaving the marriage.
It's been so confusing and difficult because he hasn't acted angry toward me, and is thoughtful and kind and it's just breaking me apart. I feel like I can't move past this. I've been in therapy all along and I've been trying to find the good in this, that perhaps this is what's better for everyone (this was not my choice) and I'm still so devastated. I am working hard everyday to heal, to reframe this, to make something good from this. I know, Time heals all wounds. In the meantime I'm in a serious depression (but again working hard to turn it around with supportive friends, and those friendships have deepened since he left) but everything feels so meaningless. I'll keep on keeping on, continue to have faith that things will change, but it's So.Darn.Hard.Every.Single.Day.

Hello and welcome to MSF!

I’m sorry you are going through this tough time. This is a good place to process your feelings.

It sounds like you are doing a lot to help yourself through this but I know that doesn’t make the pain vanish. For me, when my husband is kind and caring through this separation process it sometimes makes it more painful and confusing. But ultimately I am grateful for the kindness as there is so much pain already. It is so hard when the person we thought was our “forever” ends up not being so. Keep taking care of yourself!