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steveki0
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Member Since: May 2021
Location: Minnesota
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Default May 25, 2021 at 07:32 PM
  #1
I'm almost 40 y/o and my wife of 10 years asked me for a divorce. Its been about a month now and we are in the process of filing. I dont want to divorce, but she does and says its time to move on. She is obviously over it and ready and I am not. I miss her so much and wish this wasn't happening. I just can't picture moving forward and life without her. Is this normal? I don't feel like I will ever meet anyone like her again and ever be happy again. Im just so depressed and can only think about her most days. It almost doesn't seem real as though im in a shocked state. I guess im just so loney and feel all alone and don't know what to do and looking for advice, suggestions , help, anything....
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CANDC
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Default May 26, 2021 at 09:11 AM
  #2
Hi @steveki0 -welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you are finding your relationship dissolving. That must be rough to go through as the person that wants the relationship to go on.

If you are all alone in a strange city, you may want to consider moving to where you have friends and family, if they are helpful to be around. I found that accepting that they were leaving helped me start the healing process. It helps to have a job or school to focus on or even volunteering. Feeling worthless can happen when I feel I am rejected by someone, so it is important to reinvent healthy routines like daily exercise, healthy diet (low carb), avoiding intoxicating stuff because it can lead to depression, mindfulness and showering and having clean clothes and sheets. Little things can give a different message to our inner child that is feeling lost and confused.

Hope you get the support you are looking for.

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Default May 26, 2021 at 09:59 AM
  #3
Any big change is hard. It means we have to find a new pattern to navigate. Give yourself time to explore doing new things in your life.
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Default May 26, 2021 at 12:30 PM
  #4
Welcome! So Sorry that things are being so hard for you! i agree with the wise and wonderful CANDC and Open Eyes about moving near your Family and Friends if possible and about trying to reinvent healthy routines to get through this period. i think it is perfectly normal for you to feel this way since it seems like you love her. Have you already tried to suggest couple counseling to her? If you haven't you may propose that to her. Please do not give uo. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk and i'll try to Support in any way i can. Hopefully many others will be glad to help as Well. Hugs. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @steveki0, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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adavidson04
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Default Jun 08, 2021 at 08:52 AM
  #5
Hi @steveki0. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling and depressed. I can relate to your situation as I am almost 40 y/o and my relationship is on the verge of divorce. My husband and I are currently separated and I want him to come home so bad. I fear he will ask me for a divorce that I do not want. It has been hard for me to function daily, but I have a 10 year old son that I have to take care of. The posters advice is something that actually helped me. Accepting the relationship is over is the first step to reclaiming your life back. Showering, getting dressed, and functioning like a normal person will help. If it weren't for my son, I probably would not be doing any of these things. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Some days will be better than others but try to look for something good in each day.
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jnc1
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Default Jun 15, 2021 at 08:52 AM
  #6
Totally sucks.
Honestly, it is really fast.
Maybe she would go to counselling with you?
Did she give you reasons? Was the marriage good (as far as you felt) and this came out of the blue?
Get out of bed, shower, eat, work, work out, talk to friends, go to sleep, repeat - until you can do it without instructions again. Write it down if you have to.
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Billyboy1232
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Default Nov 01, 2021 at 09:49 PM
  #7
You are dealing with all the emotions that come from separation and divorce.. will I ever be happy again? Lonileness? Anxiety about the future.. and some depression. I am dealing with all of that with my separation.. wife left together 20 yrs.. so all those emotions should be expected... But it's painful in the moment. I am having trouble getting out of my house.. ..live day to day for now.. and believe that you will heal and have a future .. albiet different then what you expect.. and after all the pain .. your will grow from this. It is so hard to see through the pain. But you need to . Talk to others. Don't self isolate . It's a killer and is happin to me. . peace to you. A think that has helped me is to read similar stories and post and get involved ..don't be afraid to get a therapist .I have both a therapist and psychiatrist
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