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Contemplative2021
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Member Since: Jun 2021
Location: Dover, nh
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Confused Jun 25, 2021 at 04:57 AM
  #1
Been wanting a divorce for YEARS but truthfully afraid of my wife. She can have bouts of physical anger (not hurting anyone, but throwing and breaking things) and screams.

We have zero in common, conversations are always one sided, no sex, no intimacy and no attraction, not even a real friendship. Let's face it, I'm more friends with the grocery check out person than I am with her... I've felt dead for so long and want to be free to live life.
Also concerned about her financial well-being as she does not work.

But how to start with one so quick to anger and aggressiveness?
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Default Jun 25, 2021 at 10:40 AM
  #2
Dear Contemplative2021,

What an unhappy and heartbreaking situation. Can't even imagine what your day to day life must be like. Wish I knew what to say that would help. My heart goes out to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Richguard23
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Default Aug 02, 2021 at 08:08 AM
  #3
I’m in a similar space. Im going to leave and tell her after I’m gone. I just cant take the chance things will get physical and I will get blamed. And i work at home. She will make it impossible. And she wont want the divorce. She is too comfortable and well taken care of.
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howtomovepastdivorc
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Default Aug 08, 2021 at 10:57 AM
  #4
Have you tried asking your wife what she feels when she behaves this way?
What have you done to become your wife's friend?
Everyone's advice is going to be tainted with their own experience. I'm asking these questions because I wish someone would ask my husband that. I'm sure he tells himself a similar story to what you tell yourself. Although I have never broken anything - I'd have to clean it up, so that's the inhibitive factor - I have certainly had times where I screamed at him out of desperation, humiliation, agony, and hope. There have been moments that I thought he was close to trying therapy or just sitting down for a conversation. Instead all we have had is emotionally charged battles that lead to more hurt, and hurt, and hurt. He feels that he has given it time and if things haven't improved, then there is no chance. I feel that we haven't done anything productive and meaningful for recovery and for growth in our relationship. But I'm also too hurt to get us through it alone. I can't turn off how humiliated and abandoned I feel when he does the smallest thing that takes me back to those feelings of rejection. I'm just sharing this because I wish someone would help my husband see my side and stop telling himself this story. You may have nothing to relate to this with, but I hope it helps you and your wife.
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Kate2715
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Default Aug 23, 2021 at 03:39 PM
  #5
I just found this site, I just read your response. I am feeling exactly the same way. My husband tells himself all of those things and blames me for where we are. He says he has tried but fighting isn’t trying. He’s says he’s been lonely but watching TV is showing that… he says he’s done. He can’t stand to be around me. He up and left me to handle everything and then bounces in and out “to see the kids.” I agree with everything you said.
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sarahsweets
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Default Sep 02, 2021 at 01:27 AM
  #6
M

Quote:
Originally Posted by Contemplative2021 View Post
Been wanting a divorce for YEARS but truthfully afraid of my wife. She can have bouts of physical anger (not hurting anyone, but throwing and breaking things) and screams.

We have zero in common, conversations are always one sided, no sex, no intimacy and no attraction, not even a real friendship. Let's face it, I'm more friends with the grocery check out person than I am with her... I've felt dead for so long and want to be free to live life.
Also concerned about her financial well-being as she does not work.

But how to start with one so quick to anger and aggressiveness?
make an appt for a free consult w/ a lawyer but do not tell her. Bring your financials and documents. Her behavior is emotional abuse.

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