advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
sah123
Newly Joined
sah123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2021
Location: new york
Posts: 1
2 yr Member
Default Jul 06, 2021 at 03:58 PM
  #1
While mild in comparison to some controversial divorces, I feel like it has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've finally gotten to a stable place where I feel adequate enough to divorce my 40 y/o husband. We have no children, just a dog that will be mine...but I just feel so ****** lonely. I feel like I am restarting with finding the love of my life and I'm not so much looking forward to things, just trying to survive at the moment. I can't really speak to anyone, because not many of my friends can relate and are not too understanding. Even those who are are too emotionally involved. Meanwhile, the husband is in total denial and that is hard in itself because I seem to be the only one moving this along and I have no freaking idea where to start. On our bad days, he's just the nastiest person bringing up my vulnerabilities or past trauma and using it against me. I look at him and just don't even know who this person is. We've only been married for 2 years, but still...the fighting and things he says makes me feel so disgusted and lose all care for him. But I am trying to be the bigger person and sit out our one-year lease and go to counseling and move through all this slowly. I understand he needs time to process and will go through the emotions...but sometimes I just look around me and feel such numbness.
sah123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Bill3, RoxanneToto

advertisement
CANDC
Super Moderator
Community Support Team
Community Liaison
Chat Leader
 
CANDC's Avatar
CANDC has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,322 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
2,307 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 06, 2021 at 05:07 PM
  #2
@sah123 - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you are having a tumultuous relationship that is not functioning like it was. It sounds like you are taking the high road and not fueling the fights. They only make both people feel worse.

Focusing on your own self care may be what you need to get through these difficult times. This article offers options https://www.mcgill.ca/counselling/fi...rategies_0.pdf

If things get violent and you do not feel safe, maybe it is time to move out and continue paying rent on the lease if you have to. Do you have family or friends that could take you in? If you feel unsafe, a women's shelter may be able to help.

It sounds like it is a difficult situation. Besides couples counseling, you might want to consider a personal therapists. Many insurance plans cover that with a copay. You really could use someone on your side to help you navigate this minefield. Even if you are not ready to go to a women's shelter, they may be able to recommend people that can help you.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

__________________
Super Moderator
Community Support Team

"Things Take Time"
CANDC is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto
Rose76
Legendary
 
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Treading water.
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,404 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
5,302 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 07, 2021 at 01:22 AM
  #3
If you are sure the marriage is over, then I hope you've spoken with an attorney.

Age 30 is quite young. With no kids to consider, you are very free to move on. Those two facts give you good odds of building a better future for yourself.

To be living with someone you plan to divorce must be painful and lonely. It has to be. You just have to endure this current pain as what you must go through to get to another place. If there is any way you could be physically separated from him sooner, that would be good to arrange. Meanwhile, take advantage of what opportunities you may discover to be elsewhere, with other people.
Rose76 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto
RoxanneToto
Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 yr Member
6,991 hugs
given
Default Jul 07, 2021 at 02:47 AM
  #4
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also hope you’re getting legal advice and second the suggestion to spend time with others outside the house if this is possible (if you’re under covid restrictions, hopefully they’re either lifting or you can work with them). I’m sorry your friends aren’t more supportive or able to be objective, it must make things harder for you. I get that if you haven’t been through divorce, you’re less likely to understand, but nobody sees everything that goes on in anyone else’s relationship, anyway. If the marriage was unacceptable to you, that’s what matters.
I don’t believe that just because the divorce was your choice, rather than his/a mutual decision, that you don’t deserve compassion.
RoxanneToto is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 07, 2021 at 04:39 AM
  #5
So Sorry! PleaseDDo not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about contacting a lawyer and spending some time with other people if possible. If you don't feel comfortable at home may it be possible for you to move out at least temporarely? Perhaps some Family or Friends can help you out. i Hope things will Improve soon for everyone. Please do keep us Updated if you can and want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @sah123, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:06 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.