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systemRAT
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Member Since: Jul 2021
Location: New Zealand
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2 yr Member
Default Jul 26, 2021 at 05:48 PM
  #1
Hi all

My first post on the forum, and feeling very self-conscious about it all, but here goes....

After 16 years together and 8 years of marriage, I am now going through a separation with my wife.
She's been emotionally abusive for a few years now, blaming me for everything that is wrong in our marriage; from money (although she only wants to work 3 days a week) to her not getting pregnant and moving us to a new country. The past two years have caused a lot of extra pressure and strain on our marriage, exposing all the cracks I suppose.
Well after she blackmailed me with some money and a video recording of me, she forced me to make, I finally had enough one evening and told her I want to end things. She took a swing at me, jumped me and tried putting me in hand and shoulder locks. In trying to get out of her grip and asking her to stop, I caused a bruise on her upper right arm. This caused her to run to the neighbours, call the police and friends and tell them what an abusive husband I am. That I choked her, hit her and through her around the house... all of which is not true. In fact, she's hit me in the past. The police asked me to leave my house for at least two days for everything to cool down. It's been three weeks and I haven't been back. Not planning on it either.

Obviously, relationships and separations can't be reduced only to the events of one night, but that pretty much creates a picture of my life the past 4 years.
I think I've been emotionally preparing for the separation for quite some time, but I'll admit going through this has been extremely hard. The sense of loss is sometimes overwhelming, but I'm hoping it gets better soon.

Thank you for listening.
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MickeyCheeky
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Default Jul 27, 2021 at 07:33 AM
  #2
So Sorry for what you're going through! Please Do not give up! It seems like there isn't much else you can do unfortunately. Have you already tried to make up things with her and suggesting therapy to her? Perhaps that may Help. If she doesn't want to or it's not feasible then i'm afraid that this is the right path to take. i think it is terrible that she lied to others as well. If you do decide to get through with it definitely contact a good lawyer if possible if you haven't already of course. From what you wrote it seems like you don't have kids. It must be terrible if you wanted some but Hopefully you will have them in the future if you wish to, perhaps even through adoption. i'd also suggest a therapist for yourself if you need help to process this. i am available through pm if you need further support although i don't have much experience with this kind of thing. Perhaps and hopefully others may be able to help as well. Stay Safe. Be Strong. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @systemRAT, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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systemRAT
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Default Jul 27, 2021 at 03:46 PM
  #3
@MickeyCheeky

Thank you, I'll keep your suggestion in mind. Luckily we don't have any kids, because that complicates the situation a lot.
I'm definitely pushing through with this, as I feel I've put in SO much effort to try and make things work. I've spoken to a lawyer and I'm following her advice to the letter.

Till next time... 😎
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Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
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