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FinallyFree21
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Member Since: Jul 2021
Location: Kent, OH
Posts: 1
2 yr Member
Default Jul 28, 2021 at 02:15 PM
  #1
Hello,

I'm new here, and my name is Andrew. I've been with my wife for 10 years, married for 7 and our first temporary orders hearing is coming up August 6th. I'm desperately trying to avoid court though due to the costs associated with it. I submitted a proposal for settlement to my wife's attorney through my attorney weeks ago, and was just told by my attorney that we still haven't heard anything and should be expecting to go to court on the 6th. This was my olive branch. I gave her the option to give me 1 over night Monday - Friday and every other weekend. Plus half the equity in the house and a reasonable amount of child support that I'd pay. My wife doesn't want me to have any over nights because she thinks my sobriety isn't strong enough. But I haven't had a drink in nearly 3 years. She still treats me like I'm a piece of garbage addict and I've gone a good amount of time doing the next right thing. I just want my fair time with my daughter. My attorney has told me that our county is a court of 3rd and 4th chances for sobriety and favors shared parenting with near 50-50 custody. So if she doesn't take my offer, I'm going to ask for 50-50 on everything and will most likely get it because I'm in a good place. The only people winning here are the attorneys making money while my daughter loses time with her dad. I just want her to take the deal so we can all move on. But I know she's going to drag it out and we're BOTH going to spend thousands for no reason. The only good thing is I'll probably win more time with my daughter. Anyone have any experience on settlements? How'd it go for you? Just looking for some people who have been through similar things and want to relate and talk.
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Keeptalking71
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Member Since: Nov 2021
Location: South Africa
Posts: 3
2 yr Member
Default Nov 02, 2021 at 05:17 AM
  #2
Hi FinallyFree21

I can relate to some of it. We were together 23 years and married for 20 (21 if you count the year she'd been moved out and we dealt with the divorce). My wife left me. I didn't really get much reasoning or explanation. Although I'd known she was becoming increasingly unhappy, and aggressive towards me. Simultaneously her father was dying from cancer and she was unable to go to him for an extended period due to Covid.

We have one child. The child was hit hard by our split, although that has led to an increased positive relationship with the child and myself (sorry, trying not to use gender and age). And it was for this reason, plus a desire not to hand money to lawyers, that I worked hard at a settlement... and even went beyond my "line in the sand" twice. I do think I have paid too much, but then I get true 50/50, no child maintenance beyond a monthly fund we pay in to equally to cover things like books and clothes and extra-mural activities. I also stayed in the family home.

I think it is a balancing act between not giving money to lawyers, but also being robbed of your "day in court" because you settled. I try and calm myself when it flares in my head that any "winnings" I'd have gotten fighting in court will have been cancelled out by legal fees.
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