Trying to move things forward

Hi. I am trying to go through a separation having been married for many years. I love my wife but am not in love with her and quite honestly she deserves much better than me. She is an amazing woman and undoubtedly a great partner for someone else. We have been having the conversation for almost 2 years and I have another flat which I have been living between. It’s time to move to the next stage but I really struggle to get her engaged in any meaningful conversation about it. I want to do this in the right way, but feel I am getting to the point where I am going to have to force the issue. Any thoughts or experience would be really appreciated

Welcome! So Sorry things are being so difficult! Hugs. i believe the best way may be to simply be honest about it and talk to her about how you feel. If you do believe things can't work out then i am afraid she may have to accept it also. m. If you do believe this is simply a temporary thing and that some issues need to be worked on then perhaps couple counseling may prove Useful. m. Either way, make sure to be clear about your Intentions and yes, if necessary be the one to bring it up. At least that way there won't be any pain involved in the Future regarding whatever decisions you want to make. i hope things will Improve really soon for everyone and that other wise and and wonderful posters will be able assist you with this also. m. Be Kind. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Soul Patrol, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

As a wife that has recently been told this same thing I may have some insight. It is always tough to hear from the one person you rely on the most that they are not in love with you anymore. She may be in denial like I was for a while. It took me awhile to see how this could even be possible. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I went to counseling and still am actually. Because this is a huge change. Many years invested and memories. A way of life. Change is hard. You don’t want it to be your reality sometimes. She may even being holding onto the hope that tome will heal this and you will come back. I don’t believe there is a “right” answer for this. If you are both able to be respectful and considerate of each others feelings a conversation about how serious this is should help. And maybe some tough love. Even though that can be hard to do. Counseling for you both or mediation could help. I hope you guys can stay amicable. Just remember she is dealing with a loss also. You almost have to mourn before you can move forward. Not sure if this was helpful.

I've been in a similar situation. Not quite for as long as two years but it sounds very familiar. I chose the path of forcing a resolution because it was wearing on us and I also couldn't engage her in any meaningful conversation. Communication hadn't broken down, but we were like strangers at a bus stop. Everything was filled with tension and uncertainty so I definitely sympathize with becoming frustrated wanting to know what will happen. Ultimately, me forcing the issue didn't go well. I think it is important to recognize that if people find themselves in this situation, it is likely that it may be more centered around fear of being 'officially' alone or admitting the conclusion. That is what it was for me, but really it was an unhealthy situation for all involved. I don't know about you, but I certainly couldn't persist indefinitely in that situation. I do think it is telling you say you're not in love with her though. I think you're at a juncture where you have to make the decision to pursue it whole-heartedly if that is what you truly want... or let it go and close it out. From my experience, leaving things open-ended and unmaintained will subject a relationship to decay.. you become more uncertain how to deal with each other because there is so much unresolved. It is tough but no one can predict life - think about where you were a year ago, 5 years ago.. what differences in circumstance and mindset. Perhaps dig deep and ask yourself what you truly want to happen. If you do want to revive the relationship then you should put your whole heart into it and be as clear as possible. No matter what happens, you won't have to blame yourself for not giving it your all - and that is all anyone can ask from you.