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Confusedandalone99
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Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: Oxfordshire, UK
Posts: 1
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#1
Right this is my first time on a forum. I am so confused. I do still have feelings for my husband of 22yrs (I think - not sure it is enough though) we are still intimate with each other occasionally. I don't feel like we are the same people anymore. We have 2 children 16 and 21. 16yr old son has left as he can't live in the same house as my husband. (Very long additional story there) my 21yr old daughter still lives at home. I don't think our relationship is healthy. I have tried talking to him but I do feel there are some emotional abuse issues so I end up getting stonewalled or gaslight and then he sulks and the tension is so bad I basically cave in to relieve the atmosphere. Everyone thinks he is lovely and would do anything for anyone but that is not the reality. He is moody and aggressive with words not physical. I am financially independent he works but sporadically. I am scared to leave (tried 12 months ago and
Possible trigger:
Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 25, 2021 at 10:47 AM.. Reason: Apply trigger code. |
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New Member
Mynewreality
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Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2
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#2
I’m new here as well. And have some similarities to your situation. I’ve been with my husband 20 years, married 11 of those years. I guess things started to change in 2016. As I think back to then, I see that I was the only one making an effort to make this work. Conversation with him was always one-sided. Even til today I can pour my heart out and he won’t even respond. Or if he does he tells me that all I ever do is complain and he’s getting tired of hearing it. Sometimes I just laugh to mask the pain because this is someone I’ve been with for a long time, who up until 5 years ago was my best friend. Listened, offered advice, encouraged me, had my back and never let me down. Confused is exactly the feeling I have because I can’t understand where that person went. It’s so heartbreaking dealing with someone you no longer know. So many years together you’re attached and fear leaving. You fear that you’ll never find someone better. Mainly because of the abuse you’ve suffered from him. Gaslighting and love bombing is abuse. That man is a narcissist and as I tell you I am also speaking to myself. It is time to leave. What that man is doing not only harms you, but harms your children as well. And as easy as I am saying leave. It’s not so easy to do. I most definitely understand. I decided yesterday I would find a support group and that’s what led me here. I know others are going through this and have been through this and with this and Gods help, I hope to be able to leave for good and finally get some healing. I hope and pray the same for you as well.
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