Hello

Hello everyone, I am here to reach out for support during my separation and divorce (due to infidelity). The ups and downs have been difficult. Some days I am good, other days, not so good. I know it's the right decision, but it's so hard. Does anyone else feel this way?

Hi, from everything i read, it gets worse before it gets better. people grieve broken relationships, even if they are no good. this is how the brain processes loss. i'm not even divorced yet and going through couple counseling, but it hits me hard. i'm very sensitive, emotional, and susceptible to depression, and that makes it extra hard for me. IMHO, a singular infidelity is not a reason to break a relationship. people learn a lot from those. Are you familiar with the "the state of affair" book by Esther Perel? its on audible too. it helped me a lot. it was recommended by one of my therapists. of course, your situation could be very different. please tell.

I recently got divorced and I would say that the reason of divorce in my opinion does not matter much. It all depends on what you expected from the marriage.

Everyone has a certain dream when getting married and tries to keep the marriage as much as possible to keep his/her dream alive. But at some point you realise that your dreams will not come true, but a small hope keeps you from getting a divorce.

I personally have ups and downs myself. When I hang out with my friends I am a bit positive, but once I stay alone I become thinking about all the situation and become a bit depressed.

So, my tip for you would be to hang out and talk with positive people as much as you can.

Also making a list of what negative issues you will no longer encounter after divorce and a list of positive things that you will encounter after a divorce.

I find exercising as much as you can helps lower the depression levels. It will not eliminate them, but you can lower them.

Try to fill up your schedule and keep busy as much as you can. Do you have any hobbies? Painting, reading, biking, hiking?

Hanging out with friends and doing stuff helps keep your mind off of things. Going out as much as you can helps to meet new people.

I went through the anxiety phase which was terrible. Now I think I am in the acceptance/depression phase. I tried really hard through therapy and finding compromises/overlap to work on reconciliation… but it looks like its not meant to be. So I fell back into a depression state now.

Its really hard after 21yrs of marriage not to go anywhere that does not trigger a memory. A location, a song, a movie, anything… its hard.

Try to keep busy doing stuff and active and I imagine the rest will just take time for this storm to pass.

Really great tips. Being busy makes it a bit easier. I find it difficult after 4 years, even though we hardly had any positive moments during these 4 years.

Can't imagine how difficult can it be after 21 years of marriage, especially as you stated there are some positive memories.

Hi, I hope you are having more good days than bad days. I'm going through a separation that was a mutual agreement after over a decade. I know that I definitely feel free and that I made the best choice for me and my little ones because he was becoming financially abusive. For the first little while I had good days being firm about my decision as I wasnt in love with him and hadnt been for a few years, plus he snuck around before hand leading up to the conversation that he initiated. But then the reality of change hit and it knocked the wind out of me. Sometimes a single thought can being me extremely down. I've tried to avoid thinking about my separation for months and the fact that I lost my best friend of 15 years. I even got into a ****** relationship with a guy to avoid it all( I do not suggest!) My advice and I know it might be hard is to try and accept or come to terms in anyway you can that the person you once knew is just not there anymore. And also, there is someone who will love you better than that, treat you better, be proud that you're theirs and not hurt you so deeply. It helps if I try and tell myself that, so maybe it will help you too.
My mother told me that you never really ever know anybody and it might sound depressing (and I'm sorry for that) but it comforted me because it made me feel less alone. Like everybody has been shocked the hell out of by somebody. I hope that helps you too. Anyhow, know you are not alone and just try to keep moving forward.

Tessa