advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Zrichmond
Newly Joined
Zrichmond has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2021
Location: Detroit
Posts: 1
2 yr Member
Confused Dec 07, 2021 at 03:41 PM
  #1
I am in shock and total disbelief. I'm so hurt that I can barely breathe. I've spent the last 25 years of my life with this man. I just can't believe it. I'm so hurt that I don't know what to do.
Zrichmond is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
workinonit32

advertisement
CANDC
Super Moderator
Community Support Team
Community Liaison
Chat Leader
 
CANDC's Avatar
CANDC has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,324 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
2,307 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 07, 2021 at 04:04 PM
  #2
Hi @Zrichmond - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry for the loss of your long term relationship. That sounds like it must be so challenging after so many years together.

I am looking at the practical things. Do you have a home to stay in that you can afford? Do you have any friends or relatives that might put you up for a little while so you can get a change of scenery. The house you are in probably has tons of memories. Of course with Covid, that may be a consideration.

Some people I know do a redesign and redecorate their house they are staying in. Some sell the house and make a fresh start.

I think a therapist might be a help just to have a trusted person to confide in and help you feel like you are not all alone in coping with this. Support groups can also be helpful and many have Zoom online meetings.

I find a routine helps me so I do exercises on youtube including Adrienne Complete Beginners Yoga and Five minute Tai Chi.

I am finding when I practice being aware of what I am doing in this moment, it gives me relief from the tirade of thoughts that can flow through my mind.

When you have 5 approved posts (you have one as of this posting) you can visit the chat room. https://mysupportforums.org/chat

Feel free to send a personal message to me and or reply to this thread with my tag in your post @CANDC

__________________
Super Moderator
Community Support Team

"Things Take Time"
CANDC is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
workinonit32
Junior Member
workinonit32 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2021
Location: Arizona
Posts: 17
2 yr Member
8 hugs
given
Default Dec 08, 2021 at 10:36 AM
  #3
Sorry to hear that, going through the same but I only had 7 years. I've been through it before at 10 years and can say you will make through, right now is the toughest. I can't make it through a day without crying myself and I have so many emotions. Trying to accept it currently but it's hard, I keep holding out hope although I know in my head it know over. Hang in there and know you have support.
workinonit32 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
DevastatedinAZ
Member
DevastatedinAZ has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2021
Location: Arizona
Posts: 33
2 yr Member
Default Dec 08, 2021 at 12:29 PM
  #4
I am so sorry to hear this... As another 20+ year partner, it really bugs me to hear about these types of situations.

All I can say is it is time for you to focus on you. Mentally and physically. For me, exercising (walking) is big to get my mind off stuff, get more energy/endorphins going to combat any of the low times you will experience.

Start making yourself busy. Workmates, friends, go hang out and have them babysit you. You need to keep busy as much as you can. There will be down and quiet times, that is to be expected.

While not giving any false hope, you dont know what the future holds and anything can happen. Work on bettering yourself and look for any opportunities that present themselves.

Find a therapist that can help you navigate your feelings/well-being through this process. That is a huge help too!

For me, I starting eating better and walking and I am down 56lbs in weight. I work out as well to handle my physical side. On the mental side, I have starting reading relationship books, seeing my therapist and working through what I did wrong in my relationship and now I am identifying what she did wrong in the relationship. I went and bought new clothes to match my weight loss (new look) and feel better. Self image work...

I am about 13 weeks into this mess... I am still talking to my ex- (had 3 kids) and we just spent 5 hours on the phone yesterday talking about our relationship. Odd??? She is now seeing a therapist for herself and admitted that she is screwed up at the moment. She is now admitting fault for herself in the relationship, specifically what she did in the relationship. She told me she is starting to miss our relationship, that she took it for granted and that she is second guessing herself on filing for the D-word. She is wondering if this will be the biggest mistake in her life. (I just listened, she needs to come to this conclusion on her own)

So I am not telling you this to give you false hope. But anything can happen. You need to get yourself in order/shape. Do not fall all over yourself when you see him or talk to him. You need to remain flat, calm and boring when communicating verbally or through texts/emails. He needs to get the impression that you are NOT impacted by this event. Perhaps even distance yourself to some degree while you WORK on yourself.

With any luck, 2 things will happen... a) you work on yourself, picking yourself up and moving forward. No one wants to see a miserable person post breakup, (the other spouse will not find it attractive) If this does not work out, you have not lost any time in improving yourself and carrying on with life. B) if he starts to see those changes in you, that you are not impacted by what he did... he may or start to second guess himself and if he made the right decision. He wants a divorce, but why isnt that affecting you more? Maybe he under-estimated how strong of an individual you are and will maybe start to find that intriguing or attractive again. After all, you just took the largest hit someone in a relationship can take... and look how you are carrying yourself. With strength, composure, dignity and still being true to who you are as a person. Anyone and everyone WILL respect that...

Again, not wanting to give false hope. I just wanted to share my story and give you some pointers on what I have learned and what I am doing. Whichever way this goes, you will be better off as an individual moving forward which is primary. And if anything happens back with him, well... isnt that just the cherry on top?

Start to get moving and get going. There is no time like the present. Report back in your thread. You are not alone. There are some very cool people here that support you and can help out with this and/or that...

Jeff
DevastatedinAZ is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
workinonit32
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:51 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.