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StayStrong2021
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Member Since: Dec 2021
Location: Baltimore
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2 yr Member
Default Dec 21, 2021 at 11:59 AM
  #1
I have been married to my wife since 1992 and we have three great children. I met her when she was a senior in HS and I was 19. I always thought of her as my soulmate and thought we would be happy for ever. We used to dream of the future and what we would do. BUT ever since the birth of our first child she began to withdraw. Today we barely speak and she told me I need to pursue interests other than her?? can you believe that? I always thought your husband or wife was supposed to be THE ONE MOST IMPORTANT thing in the marriage. She is now talking about moving out. My fear is this will be the beginning of the final end and she will never come back.
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Default Dec 21, 2021 at 02:20 PM
  #2
I am so very sorry to hear that. What a heartbreaking situation.! Wish I knew what to say to help!
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 07:26 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by StayStrong2021 View Post
I have been married to my wife since 1992 and we have three great children. I met her when she was a senior in HS and I was 19. I always thought of her as my soulmate and thought we would be happy for ever. We used to dream of the future and what we would do. BUT ever since the birth of our first child she began to withdraw.
Can you elaborate on this?
Quote:
Today we barely speak and she told me I need to pursue interests other than her??
If this has been going on for awhile why not try couples counseling?

Quote:
can you believe that? I always thought your husband or wife was supposed to be THE ONE MOST IMPORTANT thing in the marriage.
I know what you mean by by this but my take is a little different. I got married when I was 20 and my husband was 21. We met in college and I was 18. We are fortunate to be best friends and have been married for 26 years. 3 kids ages 25,21,18. We have had our growing pains and various times or stressors that might cause us to "feel" apart even when we live in the same house. Of course he is important to me, but I also know that my mental health, social contacts outside of our relationship and my children are in the same category labeled as "important". He is my soulmate but I would never put him in the position of being so important that he trumps every other good thing in my life. No partner can live up to that. No amount of love or devotion can make one person the 'most important'. I am not saying your wife isnt your most important or that she shouldnt think you are most important to her I just look at it as having balance. Ideally your children should be the most important to you and your wife.
Quote:
She is now talking about moving out. My fear is this will be the beginning of the final end and she will never come back.
When she talks of moving out what are her reasons? Does she mean moving out or divorce and separation? Regardless of couples counseling IMO you need to find a therapist asap. You need someone to talk openly with who will be unbiased.


I see you are in baltimore. Here are some therapists I found.
Quote:
Psychexperts & Associates, Inc.
3.4
(8) · Psychologist
611 Park Ave #102 · In 611 Park Avenue Apartments
Closed ⋅ Opens 11AM · (410) 777-8130

"SG, can’t spell his name, is the best therapist/counselor I have ever had."
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Ben Rutt, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
No reviews · Counselor
1414 Key Highway, Mangles Bldg. Sobo Suites (3rd Floor) · In LaShaun Annette Williams,PsyD
Closed ⋅ Opens 9AM Thu · (410) 995-8219
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Melinda Goodman, Ph.D.
No reviews · Counselor
1414 Key Hwy #300m · In LaShaun Annette Williams,PsyD
Closed ⋅ Opens 9AM · (352) 359-3227
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Thriveworks Counseling
5.0
(4) · Counselor
1120 N Charles St Suite 101
Open ⋅ Closes 12AM · (443) 419-7674

Online care
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
The Baltimore Center for Psychotherapy
5.0
(1) · Psychotherapist
623 W 34th St #105
(443) 873-0635
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Nathan Sharer, PsyD
No reviews · Counselor
326 S Broadway 1st floor rear office
Closed ⋅ Opens 8AM · (443) 687-9271
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Gershon Sonnenschein
No reviews · Counselor
611 Park Ave Ste 102 · Near the Walters Art Museum
(410) 777-8130
DIRECTIONS
Janan Broadbent, Ph. D.
3.0
(6) · Psychologist
2 Hamill Rd #120
Closed ⋅ Opens 10AM · (410) 825-5577
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
New Connections Counseling Center
5.0
(5) · Counselor
3600 Roland Ave Suite 4
Closed ⋅ Opens 8AM · (410) 801-9700

"Cathy is an extremely compassionate and skilled therapist."
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Space Between Counseling Services, LLC
No reviews · Counselor
222 W Read St Floor 2
Open ⋅ Closes 9PM · (443) 527-2042
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Vanessa Pikler Ph.D.
No reviews · Psychologist
600 Wyndhurst Ave #125b · In North Baltimore
Closed ⋅ Opens 9AM · (410) 246-4150
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
PsychCare Psychological Services, LLC
4.9
(8) · Counselor
104 Church Ln #101
Closed ⋅ Opens 8AM · (410) 343-9756

"He is a skilled and dedicated marriage therapist who pursues ..."
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Terra Counseling and Consulting, Inc.
5.0
(2) · Mental health service
711 W 40th St Suite 355 · In The Rotunda
Closed ⋅ Opens 9AM · (667) 309-3063

Online care
WEBSITE
DIRECTIONS
Healings from Within, Individual & Family Therapy
No reviews · Family counselor
620 W 36th St
(410) 493-5918

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moodyblue83
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Default Dec 22, 2021 at 08:02 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by StayStrong2021 View Post
I have been married to my wife since 1992 and we have three great children. I met her when she was a senior in HS and I was 19. I always thought of her as my soulmate and thought we would be happy for ever. We used to dream of the future and what we would do. BUT ever since the birth of our first child she began to withdraw. Today we barely speak and she told me I need to pursue interests other than her?? can you believe that? I always thought your husband or wife was supposed to be THE ONE MOST IMPORTANT thing in the marriage. She is now talking about moving out. My fear is this will be the beginning of the final end and she will never come back.
After almost 30 yrs. of marriage this is something that just didn’t come
out of nowhere. You say ever since your first child , when was that ? This type of
thing happens in most marriages after a long time together. For whatever reason,
and there are many possibilities , she’s going thru some changes. Get yourself some friends or a therapist to talk to and get aquatinted with a lawyer. Also bring up to her if she’s interested in couples counseling.
When this happens you tend to think it came out of nowhere but if you look back carefully you’ll see the signs that you probably missed.
Best of luck to you.

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StayStrong2021
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Default Dec 23, 2021 at 10:22 AM
  #5
Thank you for the kind words. we have been to multiple counselors over the past 15 years. things start to improve and we just stop going. She is no longer willing to go to couples counseling anymore. My children are boy (24), boy (21), and girl (19). all in college $$. I always did put her first above everything else. my family upbringing taught me that your wife should always be the most important thing in your life. your children eventually grow up and move on but you are supposed to be with your wife for ever. We moved to Baltimore about 20 years ago for my job and left both of our families and close friends behind in Indiana. have not found any really close friends in MD since we left indiana. it sounds crazy but I always thought my wife was my best friend and I would not need any more. perhaps this is why she wants me to pursue "other interests" other than her. She is talking about moving out to just see if it helps her figure things out. She even put a date of 1/10 on the calendar (after the kids go back to school. I don't believe she is "in love" with me anymore just kinda tolerates me. I am now moved from trying to win her love back to trying to just save the marriage.
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StayStrong2021
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Member Since: Dec 2021
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Default Dec 24, 2021 at 05:27 PM
  #6
Well, it has been very hard today. I am not a very good communicator here (perhaps that is part of the problem) but I am trying. My son asked, while the entire family was present, if he could have his girlfriend stay for a "couple" nights. I knew right off the bat that it would be more than a "couple of days". I asked how many days he was really talking about and he said 6!. That is where the conversation ended. I would have thought my wife and I would have discussed this together but instead she came to me this afternoon and told me when his friend was coming and when she was leaving. She knows leaving me out of these decisions really hurts me. I told her that I live here also and having a guest for several days impacts me as well so we should have discussed it together. She does not see it this way. I have always been the disciplinarian when it comes to the kids which usually ended in an argument between my wife and me. Things that bothered me do not seem to bother her and she almost always sides with the kids. of course they gravitated to mom since she became their advocate for whatever the issue happened to be. I seemed to be the A-Hole and Mom was the good guy. I am grateful we are still in the same house on Christmas Eve but it is getting really hard to not crawl in a hole in my bedroom.
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