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BetrayedNotBroken
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Member Since: Jan 2022
Location: Washington state
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Default Jan 22, 2022 at 09:56 PM
  #1
Hi. My name is Shawna. I am 46 and have been married for 9 years. On Christmas Eve, I caught my husband sending sexual texts to a woman. I kicked him out that night. He apologized and begged me to forgive him and go to counseling. I filed for divorce the Monday after Christmas. This wasn't the first time I caught him chatting with women and making plans to hook up with them. I found a way to tap into his whatsapp account and was able to see ongoing conversations between him and a women he actually introduced me to before we were married. Turns out she has been a side piece for years. I have since found out that he uses apps to find random women to have sex with. I know divorcing him is the right thing for me, but I'm literally sick over it.
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QueenMisty
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Default Jan 23, 2022 at 04:37 AM
  #2
I'm so sorry that you have experienced this.
You've made the right decision but that doesn't stop it being painful and wanting to get outside your own body as the pain is too big, but this too shall pass. You have remembered that you are important and that you deserve so much more than he is capable of giving you. Stay strong, stay resolute and if you falter, which you may, remember your why.

I found it helpful to speak to a counsellor and to my best friend, who weathered the storm with me.

I wish you a smooth passage
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RoxanneToto
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Default Jan 23, 2022 at 04:50 AM
  #3
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is the right decision, but it will be painful for a while. There is a potential great new life for you on the other side, though.
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Yazz
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Default Jan 27, 2022 at 08:46 AM
  #4
I know what you're going through. The same happened to me. I was married for 15 years and most of that time my husband cheatet on me. I found out later, but I always knew that something was going on. Text messages to woman, dating pages, hiding his phone ext.
Now he's dating a married woman and he manipulated me so much that I left him.
I'm free now and that is good, but I feel hurt, sad, broken..
God has a plan for all of us!
It hurts, but we are not alone! It will get better! I hope so!
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mytam
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Default Feb 02, 2022 at 06:22 PM
  #5
I'm 45 and was married for 6 years and I'm going through a divorce right now due to his alcohol, mental and verbal abuse. So I understand how you feel in that initial stage. For me, i was fortunate enough to be surrounded by close family members and friends plus my work also kept me distracted. It's now 2 years since I left him and it did got better for me because I went back to school, advanced myself in my career and learning more about myself. It will take time for you, it's not easy but I know you can do it because you already made the first step by divorcing a cheater like him.
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Default Feb 04, 2022 at 05:46 PM
  #6
Hi All,
Also a new member. Am heading into my 3rd month of leaving my partner of 19 years. December was an absolutely miserable month. I had packed all my things and had to do all the moving myself. My beloved cat of 18 years died 3 weeks after I left. The whole month of December was just a swirl of trauma and complete exhaustion. January slowly started to recalibrate and get familiar with my surroundings. Now moving into February and the shock is starting to sink in. I am alone.
AM finding evenings so difficult. Even though my partner and I never really did anything together, we did watch TV in the evenings. I miss just not having another body in the room, or to laugh out loud to something funny, or cry or comment or anything. It is just silence.
Have pulled away from friends, because they are not therapists and really don't want to hear the details of my dysfunctional life. Am feeling like an emotional basket-case, fragile, lonely, sad, sandwiched between moments of pure bliss and euphoria. I DID it!
I kept a journal for all those years. In a real twist of honesty, I knew from about day 7 that things were a bit rocky. Due to circumstances and living arrangements, I found that it became more and more impossible to just leave. He was also classic narcissist, and had me feeling completely incompetent and disabled right from the beginning. He totally screwed with my mind.
It took many, many years. Constantly journaling, constantly re-evaluating, constantly planning. After one particularly bad fight last summer, I told my hairdresser and only confidant...and she gave me the best piece of advice ever.
I asked 'why am I still with him?' I knew he was not right for me, I knew he didn't treat me well, I knew everyone else saw how mean he was. I was so ashamed of still being with him. She told me, 'you'll leave when you've learned everything you're meant to learn'. 'You must still be learning something about yourself, and you will know when the time is right'.
One week after that, I sat down with my partner at the beginning of September and told him I was leaving. I said I found an apartment and would be moving out December 1st. I told him we had 3 options: we could have an amicable separation and do it ourselves, we could hire a mediator to help, or we could go to court and have a battle.
He chose the 1st option.
I said I'm going to continue with all the same routines and chores as usual. Cooking every meal, cleaning, shopping, laundry, gardening. I wanted everything to be smooth and non-confrontational. I spent the months packing and cleaning. December 1st I moved out.
By that time, it had taken a HUGE toll on me emotionally. But I left with my dignity in tact, and saved the breakdown for after I left.
It has been difficult. He's never asked me why, or where I live now, nothing. I do feel like there is a missing piece of closure. And the sense of loneliness is enormous. It is difficult getting through the evenings.
Just found this site and see that so many others have similar stories, and everyone just needs support.
Thanks to all who find the time to read this. I haven't shared these details with anyone yet.
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Default Feb 05, 2022 at 10:36 AM
  #7
Madeupmymind welcome to MSF . You are amazing. Keep posting we are here for you.

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solemen
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Default Mar 26, 2022 at 03:21 PM
  #8
Hi everyone,

My wife left last august for space. I kept the kids every weekend only to come home a few weeks ago with a letter in my mailbox. The letter told me that this lady’s husband was sleeping with my wife. Still trying to wrap my head around this and it’s hard.
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