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momofgirls1109
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Default Jan 29, 2022 at 12:58 PM
  #1
Hi everyone, I am new here. I am in need of emotional support during a difficult, nasty & stressful divorce. Would love some advice and suggestions as to how to keep moving forward and prevent feelings of panic and anxiety. thank you in advance.
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Default Jan 29, 2022 at 01:27 PM
  #2
Welcome to MSF My Support Forums @momofgirls1109 ! I am sad to hear how difficult divorce is proving to be. I have suffered losses of relationships, and it is never easy.

I am here for you in this forum or you can message me by clicking on CANDC in blue to the left of this message and selecting "send a private message to CANDC"

I think if divorce is disrupting your life to the point of not being able to function, then a professional that is experienced in relationships or a support group of compassionate people looking to help each other could be a great help. I know when I first had relationships fall apart, the last thing I wanted was to start dating, so that kind of support group I avoided.

I am not sure what will work for you but here is some of what I do to cope with challenging situations. I try to get enough sleep. For me that means 6-8 hours with naps if I do not sleep well, especially when I get off from a long day and want to feel good again or even a shower helps.

I eat healthy food and cook my own on weekends when I have more time so it lasts most of the week. I do free online exercise class like 5 minute Tai Chi that is more like just slow motion movement. Very relaxing! Adrienne complete beginner yoga is also relaxing.

I think the thing that helps me the most is practicing mindfulness. It is a combination of being aware of what the senses are tellling me and learning to not react to thoughts and emotions that arise. The most concise way I found is an app called Healthy Minds available on Google Play and Apple store. It is done by the University of Wisconsin, and amazingly it is free and ad free. It only takes 5-10 minutes a day and if I skip a day it is not judging me and is ready to start right where I left off.

I find routines help me a lot. The scariest thing for me is looking at the week ahead with nothing planned. A routine helps set up some basic things, even if it starts out small.

RIght now virtual contact is very helpful since socializing in person during Covid is really risky.

I hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC (if you reply to this thread please include the tag @CANDC in your thread so I get a Mention that you replied.)

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Marie02
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Default Jan 30, 2022 at 02:16 AM
  #3
Hello. I am going through a divorce too. I wasn’t expecting it and feel very blindsided. I am worried it is going to get nasty and I have a child with Autism that I am trying to protect. I am happy to chat if you need someone to talk to. No one I know is going through these issues so it’s really hard for them to understand the ups and downs. I know my relationship isn’t good so I don’t know what I really want to save. I think just the fear of change and the unknown. It is very scary.
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Default Sep 20, 2022 at 03:08 PM
  #4
Firstly, I am sorry that you are going through this tough phase in life. I am also currently going through the same so, just some suggestions from my experience & what I am doing to deal with it right now:
Immediate Actions:
1. Work/Distraction: I was at a point where I felt like I should take a break from work because I wouldn't be able to handle the stress at work in addition to the stress on personal front. But my friends & family suggested I continue working. I did that & I realize that suggestion was bang on, It provided me a distraction for at least 8-9 hours a day, which I would have otherwise probably spent crying. It also did not bring me to a phase where I woke up in the morning looking for a purpose/reason to get up. I had to get up & start working.
2. Routine: I developed a routine for myself by incorporating at least 1 hour of exercise & working towards better fitness which had been my goal for a long time. As a part of the routing, I also started focusing on eating healthy, Sure enough, I started seeing results on the weighing scale & measuring tape. It gave me some sense of pride & achievement, which is a so valuable at a time like this.
Mid-term actions:
3. Pursue hobbies/interests: I have recently started feeling like I am accepting this huge change in my life a lot better than I was a couple of months ago. With that I decided to start pursuing hobbies & interests that I had lost over the last few years. Without a spouse on the picture, I realized I had a lot of free time on hand. So I decided to restart my vocals/singing training.
4. Doing things that make you happy, even if there is no reason to do them: I love make up, skin care etc. I love trying on different make up looks, nail looks. I started doing more of this, even if I had nowhere to go. Just doing something that I like doing without any agenda except to make myself happy... That gave me more pleasure than I imagined it would.

These are the things that I have done over the last 3-4 months. This is a journey & I might have some new suggestions a few months down the line as I walk this path... I will be sure to share an update whenever that happens.

Sending all the love & prayers your way to deal with this.

Love,
SushiNCorn
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Default Sep 21, 2022 at 12:43 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by SushiNCorn View Post
Firstly, I am sorry that you are going through this tough phase in life. I am also currently going through the same so, just some suggestions from my experience & what I am doing to deal with it right now:
Immediate Actions:
1. Work/Distraction: I was at a point where I felt like I should take a break from work because I wouldn't be able to handle the stress at work in addition to the stress on personal front. But my friends & family suggested I continue working. I did that & I realize that suggestion was bang on, It provided me a distraction for at least 8-9 hours a day, which I would have otherwise probably spent crying. It also did not bring me to a phase where I woke up in the morning looking for a purpose/reason to get up. I had to get up & start working.
2. Routine: I developed a routine for myself by incorporating at least 1 hour of exercise & working towards better fitness which had been my goal for a long time. As a part of the routing, I also started focusing on eating healthy, Sure enough, I started seeing results on the weighing scale & measuring tape. It gave me some sense of pride & achievement, which is a so valuable at a time like this.
Mid-term actions:
3. Pursue hobbies/interests: I have recently started feeling like I am accepting this huge change in my life a lot better than I was a couple of months ago. With that I decided to start pursuing hobbies & interests that I had lost over the last few years. Without a spouse on the picture, I realized I had a lot of free time on hand. So I decided to restart my vocals/singing training.
4. Doing things that make you happy, even if there is no reason to do them: I love make up, skin care etc. I love trying on different make up looks, nail looks. I started doing more of this, even if I had nowhere to go. Just doing something that I like doing without any agenda except to make myself happy... That gave me more pleasure than I imagined it would.

These are the things that I have done over the last 3-4 months. This is a journey & I might have some new suggestions a few months down the line as I walk this path... I will be sure to share an update whenever that happens.

Sending all the love & prayers your way to deal with this.

Love,
SushiNCorn
I agree with all of this.

I just joined myself. This community is great and will help however they can. I went through a divorce just recently and now I feel like I am on the upswing of things. If you would like to talk you can message me as well. Here's what I ask myself a lot:

Is there something I can do about this?

Yes?: Then do it, find a way to resolve some problems to make this blow easier to take. Stay preoccupied, find a group, a hobby, do a new routine.

No?: Sadly, you will just have to go through the pain.. we all do... But don't sit in it and wallow in it for too long. Take the time you need to grieve the death of your divorce in your own (healthy) way. Make sure you have someone or people to talk to during this time so you don't beat yourself up over it.

We will be here as best we can. Welcome.
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Default Sep 21, 2022 at 06:41 PM
  #6
Hello. After 31 years of marriage and 3 children, 2 of which are still at home we are getting divorced. I only work in an elementary school as an aide and was a stay at home mom for probably 16 years we have decided to get divorced. He wants to sell the house and split it in half but not mention anything else. Also does not want to use a lawyer for most of it. He has quite a bit of possessions (ie boat, camper, antique car, tools) I’m not sure if I should go with his idea.
It’s been a very emotional day being yesterday was the day he said he wants the divorce.
Im trying to stay strong for my kids (17 & 21 the other married) without showing my breakdowns.
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Default Sep 21, 2022 at 07:28 PM
  #7
@Amomme welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you are looking at a divorce. It is difficult no matter how you look at it.

Before you sign anything hire a lawyer. You could sign everything over to him and not even know it. Unfortunately that happens.

I think the more assets you have the more it would seem you need your own lawyer to look out for your interests. If they have savings and 401Ks and IRAs then it would be good to have a legal adviser to know what you are entitled to.

You can say I do not want to fight you but I need someone to help me understand all this.

You are fortunate in a way that your children are almost over 18. Sometimes a divorce agreement the dad pays for part of college expenses. Again these are things that a divorce lawyer could tell you better.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

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Default Dec 02, 2022 at 02:38 PM
  #8
Was told days before my 25th wedding anniversary that he was no longer in love with me. Then a month later I get confirmation of an affair. I spent a month being devastated trying to get him to talk to me. My pain meant nothing to him as he continued to lie. Just turned the corner into anger and since I don't tend to stay angry long I expect this stage to pass more quickly than grief. Suppot groups like this, hobbies and charity work is proving to be my salvation. Having those things in your life that bring you joy- just you- is invauable
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Default Dec 02, 2022 at 04:00 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amomme View Post
Hello. After 31 years of marriage and 3 children, 2 of which are still at home we are getting divorced. I only work in an elementary school as an aide and was a stay at home mom for probably 16 years we have decided to get divorced. He wants to sell the house and split it in half but not mention anything else. Also does not want to use a lawyer for most of it. He has quite a bit of possessions (ie boat, camper, antique car, tools) I’m not sure if I should go with his idea.
It’s been a very emotional day being yesterday was the day he said he wants the divorce.
Im trying to stay strong for my kids (17 & 21 the other married) without showing my breakdowns.
Don’t let him rush you. See a lawyer and find out your rights. You may qualify to receive alimony plus half of whatever you both have right now.
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Default Dec 07, 2022 at 12:29 PM
  #10
I just wanted to thank you for some of your suggestions. While I am still not able to work (I'm a writer which requires me to be able to live in my head which is spinning) #4 I have embraced. I didn't even realize how much of an old discarded dishrag I was feeling like. I saw a picture of me out in the garden and was horrified. Now my hair is colored and I FINALLY went out and got my eyelashes done. Something I've wanted to try for years but didn't feel deserving. I'm amazed at how it does make a difference in yourinternal dialog
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