Divorced and hurt

Hello, I have joined this forum because I was married for 17 years when my ex told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and that he wanted a divorce. We have one child together. I did everything I could to get him to change his mind, but as it turned out, he was falling in love with another woman and therefore didn't have anymore room for me. We are amicable to each other and are able to co-parent without heated arguments. The woman he left me for ended up not working, but now he has been dating a new woman he found online for the past 6 months. We have been divorced for only 1 1/2 years and I have no desire to meet/date anyone because my heart is still for him. But he has so obviously moved on and I just want to be able to let go. It's so hard especially because we talk and see each other because of our son. I guess what brought me here is that I don't understand how he found someone so special so soon. It makes me feel like I was a fool for so long. Anyway, I just don't want to cry everyday and I want to be focused on my happiness and my son. Thank you for reading.

Hi @Foolishheart - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. It sounds like this breakup has really had you down in a dark place. It seems you really are committed to this relationship a lot more than he is.

Have you considered contacting a therapist or support group that might be able to give you another perspective on this relationship and maybe some options to consider a next step. It sounds like in some ways this has been a big disruption in your life.

Also posting on these forums can also help find support and I encourage you to explore other MSF forums where you may find common ground with others, like maybe Depression Forum.

What has helped me through loss is making new routines for myself like scheduled zoom exercise or yoga classes, doing virtual volunteer work and taking on new hobbies. Anything that takes the focus off my loss and onto a new innovation or reinvention of my life, seems to take me beyond the pain of loss some of the time.

@CANDC

Welcome @Foolishheart

Im so sorry to hear youre struggling at the moment. That sounds like an awful situation to be in with unrequited love/feelings.

I agree with everything @CANDC said.

Therapy or some kind of support group sounds like a really good suggestion.

Is there anything in your area that youd be willing to try? There may be face to face or online versions.

I look forward to seeing you around the other forums.

Sending lots of hugs

Thank you CANDC and Pinny for those suggestions and kind words. So, June of 2020 is when he officially told me he wanted the divorce. However, he mentioned the previous November that he didn't like how things were going and we'll try to work on it, but in hindsight, his mind was already made up. Instead, I bent over backwards, literally on my knees begging him to stay in our marriage.( Can you say PATHETIC?) We went to counseling, he read books, I read books, we tried to have more date nights, but ultimately it was all too little, too late. He was not happy anymore. Who am I to stop him from being happy? Honestly, other than that moment he has always been a wonderful husband. He is an absolutely, wonderful father!!
We did the divorce without lawyers, were able to work everything out fairly. We both didn't want to be in a nasty battle nor did we want to give a whole bunch of money to lawyers when we felt we could handle it ourselves and use that money for our son - he is the main reason we are able to co-parent so well. Anyway, we officially were divorced in September of 2020. I would say that for the first year all I did was work, come home and sit in the dark and watch movies. And because of co-vid, it was so much easier to do just that. We both have 50% custody of our son. When my son was with me I would try to do things but because of co-vid we mostly stayed home. I did find a great counselor last January (2021) and we would zoom meet 2-3 times a month. Then this past summer I had to have an abdominal surgery which kept me home from work for 6 weeks as my job is very physical. I was back to work for a couple of weeks when on my way to work i was rear ended on the highway by a driver who didn't realize traffic had come to a complete stop and he hit me going 65 mph. Needless to say, my car was totaled and my neck got really jacked up so much so that I had to have cervical neck fusion at two levels. I was off of work again for another 8 weeks. During that time, unfortunately, I had to cancel online therapy because I couldn't afford it, I was only getting 60% of my income so anything extra I had to cut off. Anyway, I feel I really have come more to terms with the fact that my life is completely different than I thought it would be now. I am working out more often, going for walks, listening to live music. For the most part I am not depressed. There are moments when I am, but it definitely doesn't control my world. In addition, I have been meditating and chanting which I think helps as well. Honestly, I thought writing on this forum would help me at least jot down my feelings and maybe even get some advice.
I guess the hardest part is that I only get to see my son now 50% of the time. Mostly I really want to get out of my house and do things now, but it is just those moments of time where my head just won't shut up about my past. In practicing mindfulness, I have read and been told that I should let those feelings of sadness, anger, fear come and I should feel them, but then just let them go. It is hard, but I try. I appreciate being able to share all of this and am grateful to anyone who has taken the time to read my words. Thank you.

@Foolishheart I am sorry to hear how much you have suffered. You are a brave person to keep on going and practicing mindfulness. You are strong in spirit.

I am not sure how much your physical injuries limit the kind of exercise you do. Please consult a doctor if you are unsure of your limitations before trying any of these.

I find with me that movement of the body slows down the mind. The most easy movements I do are Qi Gong, Sitting or Standing, which helps me keep the energy flowing. That may be what keeps my mind quiet as well.

Yoga is a way I do gentle stretching, being careful not to force the body or do anything that is oversensitive or painful. The most basic one I have found is complete beginners yoga on youtube by Adrienne that last 20 minutes. I modify any difficult poses or skip them if they are beyond my physical abilities.

Mindfulness is very important in my recovery. The most complete app I have found that is consistent with other mindfulness practices I have done is the free Healthy Minds App in the Google Play or Apple Store. It is by the University of Wisconsin and is professionally done with no ads or in app purchases.

Feel free to send me a personal message if you care to or continue this conversation in the forum. I have suffered losses that have been most difficult but have managed to get through them with perseverance.

Hope you find the support you are looking for. @CANDC