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Manataloss
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Member Since: Feb 2022
Location: Bournemouth
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Default Feb 13, 2022 at 09:20 AM
  #1
Hi all, I am a 45 year old male with a 7 year old child who has just been told by my wife that she wants to separate because I haven’t been paying her enough attention. I know this to be true because I have been so wrapped up in my stressful job and planning ahead for our retirement together that I really lost focus on the now. She tells me that she has already come to terms with it but I am struggling. Currently she wants us to carry on as normal and see if we can be friends first then she may let me back in but I’m not sure if this so I can adjust to the idea. I feel so ashamed that I have caused this, that I cannot bring myself to tell my friends or family. Should I just start preparing/making plans for a divorce or should I stick around hoping I can show her I can change? I can really do with some advice because I don’t want to be in this situation if their is no chance of a reprise.
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Default Feb 13, 2022 at 04:34 PM
  #2
I am so sorry you are in the situation you describe. Wish I knew what to say to help, but sadly I am at a loss. To be honest, I don't know what I would do in your place. Hopefully others with more knowledge, experience and insight will see your post and be able to be truly helpful to you. I think you want things to work out between you and wife so I hope this is what happens. I regret that I am unable to advise you!
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Foolishheart
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Default Feb 14, 2022 at 10:40 PM
  #3
Manataloss,
Hi, first, I'm so sorry you are going through this and I know exactly how you're feeling because my ex did the same. Told me he wasn't happy in our 17 year marriage anymore. He told me in November of 2020, but he wanted to see if things could work. Well, after 6 months of living together, but in separate beds, me trying everything to keep it together and praying we could work it out, he told me in June of 2021 that he just isn't happy anymore and wanted a divorce. I was heartbroken and still am. We have a 14 year old son together. Anyway, I know where you're at. Listen, it takes 2 to make a marriage work. I know that's cliche, but its true! I'm sure you're busy and need to work on that, but so does she. Have you guys been to counseling? When was the last date night? You guys both need to try but there shouldn't be any ultimatum like "maybe if, and, then if we can be friends maybe she'll take you back?" That sounds like she's leading you on and for how long? It'll be a super awkward situation and your child will definitely know something is going on. And she has come to terms with it being over? It sounds like she may be not be emotionally there for you anymore. I would try everything you can to save your marriage, but her heart needs to be in it too! If she can't, or wont, then save yourself from prolonged heartbreak and break away. I hope that helps?
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Snapshot27
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Location: Texas
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Default Feb 28, 2022 at 08:31 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manataloss View Post
Hi all, I am a 45 year old male with a 7 year old child who has just been told by my wife that she wants to separate because I haven’t been paying her enough attention. I know this to be true because I have been so wrapped up in my stressful job and planning ahead for our retirement together that I really lost focus on the now. She tells me that she has already come to terms with it but I am struggling. Currently she wants us to carry on as normal and see if we can be friends first then she may let me back in but I’m not sure if this so I can adjust to the idea. I feel so ashamed that I have caused this, that I cannot bring myself to tell my friends or family. Should I just start preparing/making plans for a divorce or should I stick around hoping I can show her I can change? I can really do with some advice because I don’t want to be in this situation if their is no chance of a reprise.

I think many husbands would treasure the opportunity for the chance to show their wives they could change. If you know it's on you, and you love your wife and family, youd do anything for them. So do it. There are alot on here, who get left and are never offered the opportunity or chance to change or right their wrongs. Which in my opinion is an awful thing to do to anyone you love if you've never given them an opportunity before. To just leave them? Awful and heartless imo. It's sort of happening to me right now. My wife moved out over an argument although we are talking and dating now. But some wives leave and never come back. So here is your opportunity.
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