Should I move back after she did this?

My wife and best friend moved out in January and said it was because of an argument. A basic argument everyone has, apologizes for, hugs and makes up. She left to her brothers and never came back. I made an earlier post on it so I wont go into further detail.

She moved 45 minutes away. After 2 months of misery thinking I lost my wife because of an argument, she told me if I moved to where she was, she would put her ring back on and move in with me and we could go to marriage counseling and be together. She abandoned me because she hated the neighborhood, the neighbors, the schools and the city. We live in a beautiful home. Some of the neighbors are rude and the schools are ok but... what in the world? So I have to sell out home and uproot to be married to her or she isnt coming back?

We have a 5 year old son. We share him now.. she confessed that she needed therapy. I don't know what to do and could use advice.

We did talk about moving before she left. and were actually starting to look at some places. So she knows we were working on it.

How manipulative of her

I can understand being unhappy in a home that’s in a neighborhood of shallow people.

However, your wife should have talked about how unhappy she was with you so you both could plan a move.

Your wife could benefit from seeing a therapist and you both can see a therapist so you can learn healthier ways to communicate with each other.

Yes, this was the latest update. She told me this the day before yesterday. I dont even know what to do. Selling a house is not quick task.

We have talked about it but it was like any couple talks about it at first. We both said we wanted to move and then, just last year, we started browsing around to see what's out there. There was no emergent situation she was expressing or anything. Then we had an argument, she left, said I was awful, never came back. Now saying I wasnt horrible but not coming back. I have to move to her or I guess I dont have a wife anymore.

At what point do you stand your ground? This is so wrong.

This is not a good time to buy another house. Tell her no. Prepare to get a divorce. I would never let another person bully me into moving when there is no reason to.

If you sell your house and move as she wishes, she will be tempted to use such tactics again.

How old is your wife?

Your wife has serious issues. Most healthy marriages all have arguments and kiss and make up. She walked out on you so she is the one in the wrong here. Tell her if she wants to remain your wife she has to come back home. Any problems, issues, plans can be made there together. She can't leave and then threaten you because that's what she has done. If she won't come home and work together, whether eventually moving then I would divorce. Maybe divorce may wake her the heck up and get back to her senses. You do not abandon your husband then make those threats.

You seem like a good husband. Stay strong and don't fall for her nonsense. Tell her it's your way of divorce. Abandoning you is àlready good reason for divorce. If she loves you she will go home to you. She needs to earn your trust. I would have lost all trust if that happened to me.

She was truly a best friend. We did everything together. Trained together, swam together, ran together, biked together, competed in triathlons together, had all the same hobbies and collections together, loved the same foods, traveled together, almost never fought. No cheating, neglect abuse anything involved. Finances werent a problem. Everything wonderful in the bedroom.

She told me the other day she felt she needed a therapist. She didnt feel like herself anymore and wanted to run away from life. And was having bad thoughts. So I told her i would get her therapy and even take her. That she wasnt alone. I'd hold her hand through it all. I just dont know why we are going through this now. Our marriage was a 9 out of 10 and in an instant it all went away. Now to even be near her I have to move.

She is 33. She told me the other day she didnt feel herself and needed therapy. That she felt she wanted to run away from the world. I told her I would help her find a therapist and even take her to her sessions. Even if I had to wait in the car. That she wasnt alone. I dont know how our marriage went from a 9 out of 10 to completely fallen apart in a matter of 2 months. We were not only husband and wife. We were best friends.

This is what I fear most. Will it be this easy for her to just up and leave the next time we argue? This is so bizarre.

It sounds like it wasn't 9 out of 10 for her. I do not intend to downplay what she has done, she is absolutely in the wrong here, and also considering what I will write next, it is her responsibility, not yours, to ensure she is herself. Perhaps she felt appropriated. Perhaps doing all those things together meant that she lost any notion of who she was without you, that all that she was and did was determined by who you are and what you want.
Again, it is of course not possible for you to notice that (if that's what the issue is), as she clearly didn't communicate it. It is her responsibility and her actions thereafter (i.e. leaving you and setting an ultimatum) place her clearly in the wrong. That being said, I've felt like doing what she did before (I never did just up and leave, but I have wanted to plenty of times).

ETA: If that is correct, you driving her to therapy may also be unbearable to her, as it is her that needs therapy and it is supposed to be her thing, not yours, too. May I suggest instead of driving her, could you help enable her to drive herself?

Thank you for responding. Anything is possible but it would be hard for me to believe as she was always asking "when do you want to go run", "when do you want to go swim", "our race is only 2 weeks away, are you excited?" Hey honey, "lets go get sushi! "... and I was always 10p% supportive and ready to go. It was very organic and not forced. We were truly best friends. When we went to our races and competitions, we encouraged one another. She loved it. But she left 2 months ago and isnt back so maybe it wasnt all so special. Like I said she recently asked for therapy. She usually asks if I will go with her. She asked the other day if I'd go to her dentist appointment because she is terrified of dentists. So I took her. We talk and text all the time. She tells me she loves me. Even told me she is in love with me. Told me if I find a house where she is staying (her brothers) she would move back. Told me she needs a therapist and is very depressed and doesnt feel like herself. None of this makes sense to me. How thing can change so drastically in an instant.

Her behaviour indeed doesn't add up to her written and spoken declarations. Is there a specific reason she wants to move to the same area as her brother? Aside from liking him I mean?

I'm sorry she is putting you through this. I do agree with some of the others that you should set a limit of your financial support and emotional involvement if she keeps this up. Maybe you can set a soft limit to yourself, assuming to reduce both when she hasn't returned in, say, 4 month. Half a year is plenty of time...

She went to her brothers because she doesnt get along with anyone else in her family really. None of this makes any sense. We have a beautiful home. Her brothers home is a wreck. Terrible conditions. She lives in one of the rooms. She says now her brother screams and curses at her kids (my stepkids) like he is their father which I always played with and loved them. Her brother and his wife are abusive to one another scream and yell and fight and cheat on one another. My wife and I share my son.. 1 week with me, 1 week with her... This is where my wife left me to go stay. Her and I never fought like this. Again, she always told people how we almost never argued and fought. I think my wife has lost her mind. She still lives happy off of my bank account so she is not living the rough life yet. But I spoil her all the time. Have always spoiled her and treated her with love and i feel like she doesnt appreciate me anymore. I feel like she isnt helping me fix our marriage. Like you say, she is saying the words but I dont see the action. She tells me about how much she likes her job and the city she lives in now which makes me feel like she has moved on. She never talks about missing me and us getting back together. But when I ask her she says she is still in love with me and wants to work on us. But I dont see any effort. If I tell her I love you, she says it back... but if I dont say it, she wont. I feel like I need to go away and let her experience life without me. If she really loves me, then she will come back and change all by herself. Instead of me continuing to put in 300% and feeling disappointed everyday because I get 50% back from her.

What do you think? Or do you still think give it a few more months?

I pretty much agree with this. No need to wait, really, unless you want to. When you do leave, try what life feels without her, too. Maybe you'll find you don't want her back in the end.

Do try to not tell her that she has lost her mind though. People don't really like that sort of thing

There is no 'should'. Ultimately, you do what you want to do .

However, I would set some boundaries and/or ground rules first. There is something that is not right in this relationship dynamic if every time she says something, you have to snap to it or else you will lose her. IF nothing changes, you will be hostage to her demands forever.

You both need to work on your relationship and communication (e.g. counselling). You need to consider seriously - what if 2 months or 2 years down the line, she does the same thing? Marriage is a compromise not a one-way sacrifice. So, think carefully and set your 'conditions' so you are not her puppet for the rest of your life.

Yes, I agree with everything you said. Thank you. I feel if I do everything now to save the marriage then I will have no regrets later that I didnt do everything to show her how much I cared, tried, and loved her. The only regret would be hers. I dont understand her at all.

Why would a wife tell you she is still in love with you and that she wants to work on the marriage but then be cold and distant day to day? It seems that once you get to a point of being able to realize you actually do want to save the marriage with your husband, youd really start embracing one another and coming together. That's just me.