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Grice3689
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 05:05 PM
  #1
Hey there. Going through a very hard time with my wife of 7 years. She recently cheated on me..we got into an.argument and I foolishly yelled I don't love you anymore( which isn't true. I love her more than anything) and I immediately apologized. And broke down. She proceeded to leave the house and disappear for 4 days..had no idea where she was or if she was OK. After she came home I found out she had slept with another man. Her saying it wasn't cheating cause she told me we weren't together. And that she didn't owe me an explanation. It has been 2 months now. After I found out I went to a shelter for 2 nights and after night 2 she called me begging to come home. And that she was sorry and all that. Things were good for a few days but it quickly went back to how it was before. She refuses to do anything to help rebuild the trust that was lost. She continues going out all night until early mornings...I need advice...any advice...I have no friends to talk roo about this,my family isn't really involved much and are biased for obvious reasons. I love this woman I really do. She keeps telling she doesn't have it in her to do the work to fix things but continues to ask me to sleep in the same bed.. cuddle..watch movies and so forth with her..she does have bpd and is medicated for it but it needs adjusting and she has said as much just hasn't bothered making an appointment yet. Again I need help..i have no finicial safetynet.. no support group near by..closet relative is next city over...if I leave and call it quits I have nowhere to go. We also have 4 kids together which complicates things
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TheGal
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 06:39 PM
  #2
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this @Grice3689

When you say she has bpd, do you mean she has bipolar or borderline?
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Grice3689
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 06:51 PM
  #3
Bipolar disorder and there are two types she is type 1. (I believe)
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 06:53 PM
  #4
Hi @Grice3689 - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you have a difficult situation with your partner and 4 kids to take care of. I am not sure what options are open to you, but I find having a professional therapist can be very helpful if that is covered by insurance.

I am not a professional but I can say that the behavior you describe sounds like what my partner went through when they were in the manic phase of bipolar disorder. Without treatment mania can get worse and even has led to psychosis in my partners case. Getting them to treatment may be difficult as my partner suffering from mania often feels like nothing is wrong. They usually end up in hospital in patient when they get like that. They can also run up big spending bills on credit card. If you are on card check with credit card company.

I hope you get the support you are looking for.

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Grice3689
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 07:12 PM
  #5
She will not do therapy. We have tried in the past and that's what this is..a manic phase but she does not feel like anything is wrong and that what's she's doing to me emotionally and mentally is me just being a baby.i am very emotional person where as she keeps things tight to her chest...she realizes at least that her medication needs adjusting but won't get it done. I don't understand..one phone call to her Dr and it can be changed. This has happened before and we got through it. But this time it's much worse and I fear that I can't hold on much longer..yesterday was our 7 year anniversary and I saw her for 30 seconds all day..my heart is literally being crushed and it doesn't seem to be effecting her at all
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 07:43 PM
  #6
@Grice3689

I agree with CANDC in that she needs treatment asap.

Does she have a psychiatrist? Is the psychiatrist aware of what is going on now?

As for you, you must really be hurting. What can you do for you? do you have access to a therapist/psychologist?

If you call 211 in most provinces, you can get directed to resources such as a helpline to talk to someone, as well as other social supports that are out there, they could tell you what's available.
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Grice3689
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 07:54 PM
  #7
She does not have a physciatrist..she has a family Dr who obviously knows about her bpd but she doesn't tell anyone anything and if I were to call on her behalf and tell them what's happening she would never forgive me even though it is out of love for her that I'd be doing it. And as for me sadly all I can do is sit back and watch..I have been talking to someone through my eap at work but other than that I don't have many friends ...it's been 2 months since my wife and I did something together..we were supposed to go to Niagara Saturday for rhe night for our anniversary but she winded up ditching me..said she was taking the kids to her mom's and would come back and get me so we could go...she didn't come back until Sunday around 11am..and she left to take the kids at 1230pm Saturday
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Default Aug 22, 2022 at 08:09 PM
  #8
I have to also admitt that I haven't been all rainbows and sunshine. I have had my share of outburst...punched a few holes in walls..broken some things..I have a bit of an anger problem that I have been wotking on it...it's one of the things she's told me I need to work on to better our marriage and I have been..it's been 2 months since my last outburst..I still yell a bit..not nearly as much as I did before. I've been working on myself
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Default Aug 23, 2022 at 07:48 AM
  #9
I'm not suggesting you call her gp, but sounds like she might need a psychiatrist and psychologist to help her better manage her bipolar... You could perhaps post on the bipolar forum to gain additional insight from people who are dealing with it.

Good that you are taking steps to manage your anger... is there any possibility of your getting a psychologist, too?

Or maybe a marriage counselor for both of you?

Remember there is 211 to call, as well.
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Default Aug 23, 2022 at 10:08 AM
  #10
We have tried marriage counseling but she doesn't want to do it anymore sighting finicial reasons. But we both have benefits through work. And I am seeing a councilor to workmon bettering my self
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Default Aug 23, 2022 at 10:57 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grice3689 View Post
She will not do therapy. We have tried in the past and that's what this is..a manic phase but she does not feel like anything is wrong and that what's she's doing to me emotionally and mentally is me just being a baby.i am very emotional person where as she keeps things tight to her chest...she realizes at least that her medication needs adjusting but won't get it done. I don't understand..one phone call to her Dr and it can be changed. This has happened before and we got through it. But this time it's much worse and I fear that I can't hold on much longer..yesterday was our 7 year anniversary and I saw her for 30 seconds all day..my heart is literally being crushed and it doesn't seem to be effecting her at all
I know the feeling of having my dreams crushed. It is surprising we are still together, but I found a way but the price was high, I had to totally change my expectations of our relationship. It did not happen over night - it took years but when you are in the position you are in with no other means of financial support, that may be worth considering. @CANDC

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Default Aug 24, 2022 at 05:33 AM
  #12
Your wife needs professional help immediately. You need to get help also. I know the kids complicate things but
I would have to tell your wife that if it happens again your gone ! But how can you trust someone so irresponsible
to watch your kids ? If she doesn’t want to take the proper medication for her condition, then you are in for one hell of a roller
coaster ride.

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Default Aug 25, 2022 at 06:43 AM
  #13
I am glad you're seeing a counselor for your anger issues, but I will tell you that I almost divorced my husband for yelling at me frequently. He would have rageful outbursts, and it pushed me away to the point of a near divorce. Your wife also needs help, like everyone here is saying, but she doesn't see that there is a problem. She's got to get her meds adjusted and her meds and condition should really be managed by a psychiatrist, not a family doctor. Somehow, you've got to be able to get through to her and talk some sense into her. You also need to get a handle on your anger. I also would have walked out the door if my husband told me that he didn't love me anymore. That probably would have been the end of our relationship.

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