Separated and Sad

New here and first post. I really just needed communication with people in my shoes so joined this forum.
OMG , what a rollercoaster of emotions since my husband left. I begged for counseling , we have 25 years together.
One minute I feel strong like his loss and the next I’m begging God to heal our marriage ??!?
I hate feeling unsure, feeling rejected, feeling sad.
I’m the breadwinner, thankfully I’m great financially but wonder…. Do I really want him back or am I feeling rejected and lonely….. I wasn’t completely happy- thought it would be better

Twenty five years is a long time. It’s normal to experience different emotions, it’s much like morning a death but the person is still alive. You don’t “just” get over the change that takes place when after so many years a partner is no longer there in your day to day life.

It’s a huge positive that you are the bread winner in terms that you are used to taking care of yourself and not dependent.

Be patient with yourself as different emotions come over you.

How old is your ex?

Do you have children?

What makes you think you may want him back?
What made you completely not happy and was it enough to end it or work on it?

Being financially stable is always a great thing to be when in this situation. Kudos to you!

Your post resonated with me in so many ways.
Your situation sounds exactly like the one I went through 6-7 months ago. Me insisting that we go for counselling and him saying he didn't believe in it.
Me crying all day & all night, while he sat there expressionless... not a hint of sadness in his eyes, let alone a single tear.
I have also been the one earning much more than him consistently throughout our marriage.
I guess just a couple of differences between my situation & yours:
we were married for 10 years... seems so small when i read your 25.
I have moved out and I was the first one to take the step towards initiating the divorce. I just couldn't take the treatment anymore. It was almost like he wanted to keep me hanging while he pursued whatever it is that brought us here. I decided that I am not going to be somebody's back up plan
Of course, that being said, I still have exactly the same rollercoaster of emotions that you mentioned. One minute I am happy & relieved that this ended at the right time.. I am still in my 30s, have no kids, can think of starting over. And the next minute this sense of utter loneliness takes over all the other emotions.
Its a huge change in your life that you are going through and it is going to take time. Hang in there.. and if you ever need a listening ear, feel free to reach out.
Sending you love & prayers.

Watch out for those roller coaster ride of emotions. They may make you want to go back due to loneliness. There must have been plenty of problems for you to move out and file for divorce. What does he have to offer you in this marriage ?
If your the breadwinner then it sounds like he could just be a hanger on or leech , ( not meaning to be sexist here ). Does his good points outweigh his bad ?
In any event 10 years is 10 years but it's all water under the bride now. Your not really obligated to anyone but yourself . You can SHARE your life with someone but you don't own anybody and nobody owns you. Stay the course. Your young and entering the prime of your life. Move on and be happy.

You are so right when you say how the roller coaster of emotions can make you want to go back. It happens to me sometimes too, but I make a conscious effort to get over that feeling.
When you asked what did he have to offer in the marriage, I really had to think long & hard and found no answer
In spite of me being the primary earner in the house, he still expected me to be a homely-wife. That was one of the reasons (from him anyways) for our marriage to fail. I constantly felt criticized for not being able to cook & clean.
Now that I think about it, I wonder how I tolerated it for those many years. It's a good riddance at the end of the day.
Thank you so much for offering me a perspective which I really needed.