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SushiNCorn
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Lightbulb Sep 21, 2022 at 10:36 AM
  #1
There were some extremely hurtful words that my ex-husband said to me when we were having problems (and I was suggesting marriage counselling to try and solve the problems).
But my ex said he did not believe in counselling and did not want to do it.
In one of these conversations, there were two things he said which completely broke me.
1. "I never loved you as much as I loved my Ex"
2. "We got married for the wrong reason, I was on the rebound"
And this after 10 years of marriage.

These two statements completely destroyed me & make me cry even today after more than 6 months.
Up until this point, I was ready to do anything to try and save the marriage. But in the moment I heard these two statements (within a span of 2 minutes), I felt everything changing.
Suddenly I felt like I was looking at a stranger. To hold these kinds of feelings in your heart for 10 years, while pretending to love the other person... That was not the man I had married... or at least that was not the man I thought I married.
We had our 10th anniversary less than 20 days before all of this happened. He surprised me with a gift on our anniversary. Everything was fine... he was showing me love, concern. And then 20 days later, I hear a completely different story.
In that moment, I felt like I had lost all the trust I had in him and our relationship. By comparing me to his ex 10 years later and saying we got married for the wrong reason... it was like somebody made a joke out of 10 years of my life, 10 prime years of my life.
I even considered that maybe he said these things in the heat of the moment. But to say such hurtful things without considering how utterly crushing those would be for the other person... especially a person you spent the last 10-12 years of your life with... I didn't think he was the kind of person to say such hurtful things and not even once be apologetic or at least concerned. It was like I was with a stranger for the last 12 years (10 of which, we were married).
This was the breaking point for me I think. In that moment I knew this was not worth fighting over...
And today, here I am... in the process of getting a divorce.

Anyways, at the end of this post I want to leave anyone reading this, with one question:
Words can hurt or heal. What did yours do today?

Remember to ask yourself this question everyday & remember to be kind.

Love,
SushiNCorn
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TheGal
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Default Sep 21, 2022 at 06:38 PM
  #2
Oh SushiNCorn, My heart breaks for you in reading your story.

No one, certainly not this person you spent the last 10-12 years with, should hurt you like that.

You expressed yourself so well in saying all of the sudden you were looking at a stranger. How heartbreaking...

I believe it was Socrates who said statements should pass three criteria — 'Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?'

Wishing you strength and courage, in particular, during this time.

HUGS!!!
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Default Sep 23, 2022 at 03:02 AM
  #3
I am so sorry, what a terrible thing to hear.

A person who chooses to say something so cruel must harbor a lot of self hate.
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Default Sep 23, 2022 at 05:24 AM
  #4
Many things are said in the heat of the moment. Then again there's usually a grain
of truth in these statements that come out in anger or said just to hurt you. I think
what's more important are the follow up actions . Was there an apology afterwards ,
or were these things said continually ? I can tell you that you never REALLY know the
person your living with. It could be a 50 year lie ! Once you realize this fact you can then
move on with your life. I'm sure they're were some good times so don't consider it a
10 year loss. Live , learn , and then FORGET . Hopefully you'll meet someone genuine and
honest in the future.

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Default Sep 23, 2022 at 09:32 AM
  #5
Thank you so much for your kind words.
I completely agree when you say many things are said in the heat of the moment. That was my sincere hope as well for the days that followed. I expected an apology, which never came.
I expected a retraction of the statements, at least "I didn't mean what I said" but that never came either.
And the worst part was that the same things were repeated to our friends & family when they tried to speak to him... even a couple of weeks later.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moodyblue83 View Post
Many things are said in the heat of the moment. Then again there's usually a grain
of truth in these statements that come out in anger or said just to hurt you. I think
what's more important are the follow up actions . Was there an apology afterwards ,
or were these things said continually ? I can tell you that you never REALLY know the
person your living with. It could be a 50 year lie ! Once you realize this fact you can then
move on with your life. I'm sure they're were some good times so don't consider it a
10 year loss. Live , learn , and then FORGET . Hopefully you'll meet someone genuine and
honest in the future.
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Default Sep 23, 2022 at 11:44 AM
  #6
Your ex sounds like the sort of person who will eventually tell the next person he's with that he regrets abandoning the true love his life (you). I think he may just be the type who doesn't know what he wants, is never satisfied, and never values what he has.
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Default Sep 23, 2022 at 12:45 PM
  #7
Can I ask how old your husband is? And do you have children?
I believe we look at life differently at different stages of our lives.
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Default Sep 25, 2022 at 09:58 AM
  #8
Sure...
I am 36 and he is 38. Fortunately we do not have children, otherwise this would have been so messy & complicated.
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Can I ask how old your husband is? And do you have children?
I believe we look at life differently at different stages of our lives.
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Default Sep 25, 2022 at 01:27 PM
  #9
The good news is that you are still young enough to walk away and rebuild your life. Please know that your worth has nothing to do with how he treats you, instead he is showing you his inadequacies that you can’t fix. Best to learn that early.
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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 12:34 PM
  #10
That person must really hate themselves. Your worth has NOTHING to do with how he treats you. Get rid of him, he's an A hole.

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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 12:35 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGal View Post
Oh SushiNCorn, My heart breaks for you in reading your story.

No one, certainly not this person you spent the last 10-12 years with, should hurt you like that.

You expressed yourself so well in saying all of the sudden you were looking at a stranger. How heartbreaking...

I believe it was Socrates who said statements should pass three criteria — 'Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?'

Wishing you strength and courage, in particular, during this time.

HUGS!!!
Good post

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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 12:38 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by SushiNCorn View Post
Thank you so much for your kind words.
I completely agree when you say many things are said in the heat of the moment. That was my sincere hope as well for the days that followed. I expected an apology, which never came.
I expected a retraction of the statements, at least "I didn't mean what I said" but that never came either.
And the worst part was that the same things were repeated to our friends & family when they tried to speak to him... even a couple of weeks later.

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