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Oddtheodd
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Member Since: Nov 2022
Location: Australia
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Default Nov 22, 2022 at 01:54 PM
  #1
I am currently separated from my fiance of 9 years. Ours is a very long story, she was a child of DV, and then lost her early 20s to PTSD/severe depression, and our 9 years together have been fraught to say the least. A little over 12 months ago, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer and we were told that she may not be able to conceive or carry a child to term. During the last 12 months each time the conversation of children occured (almost daily) I attempted to change the subject or ask that we wait until she had the all clear from her cancer, and a better understanding of our chances of conception.

Fast forward to a month and a half ago, we both contracted Covid, a close friend of her's died (somebody of a similar age), and she lost her Job. The next thing I am told is that we need to sell our house "because her dreams have been poisoned" and that she no longer knows what she wants. She now blames me for not wanting a child (something I so dearly want) because to her me down playing the talk of children was me not wanting one.

We are currently separated, but living under the same roof until the house sells. Each day, I feel my soul burning away. The person I love more than anyone, anything now looks at me with anger and contempt believing I have stolen her chance to have a child.

I wish I new how to take away her pain, to have her understand that all I have ever wanted was to have a family with her…

There is a lot more to this story, but I don't have the heart to write it out in full just yet.

If anybody in a similar situation would like to chat.
Share their story, perhaps give me insight into my own. I would be more then willing.
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Yaowen
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Default Nov 22, 2022 at 02:36 PM
  #2
I am so very, very sorry that you are in that situation. How heart breaking!

I think your distress is totally understandable given the unhappy circumstances.

It could be that you fiancé is suffering from clinical depression. That can sometimes require medical treatment to resolve. A person in the grips of depression does not always think rationally because of the brain pathology than can be involved in depression.

Is your fiancé in the care of a good doctor or psychotherapist?

I was always told to avoid making big decisions while under the influence of depression.

Perhaps I am wrong about what I have written. I am often wrong about things and am not myself a medical professional of any kind. I wish I could write more now but I am ill and cannot type for long.

Hopefully others here with more similar experiences will see your post and respond with things that are truly helpful. Sorry I cannot be helpful to you but I do want to say that my heart goes out to you.
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Open Eyes
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Default Nov 27, 2022 at 03:04 PM
  #3
(((Oddtheodd))) I am so sorry you must feel so helpless with this challenge. It’s very hard to watch someone we love struggle and there is really nothing we can do to fix or change anything.

I feel for her as cervical cancer can be a very serious health challenge. Plus, the additional imbalance of hormones can produce horrible mood swings and depression. Added to that how she already struggled with ptsd? She is most likely overwhelmed and is mentally looking to reduce and simplify in order to manage and have some sense of control.
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