I'm In Love but my wife has been checked out.

I am so sorry you are in this unhappy, unhappy situation. Sometimes couples therapy is helpful, at least that is what I have been told. Not sure your wife would go for it since she doesn't want to go with you to a therapist. Since I am so bad at relationships, I am totally unqualified to give advice. Do you think it might help to just see a therapist on your own just so that a professional could look at your situation with a new set of eyes? Sorry I do not have any wisdom here. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond to it with something truly proves helpful to you!

I am planning to seek therapy and marriage councilor, she may be opened to seeing individually, her mother abandoned her and her Sister very young and her Dad raised her but probably wasn't the best situation and she lived with Aunt and uncle for short time so I suspect there are deeper issues she personally needs to deal with. I have no problems seeking help, I prefer to talk and get my feelings out not bottle them up. I knew in the back of my head things were not right but it's easy to be in denial if you think it's just in "Your Head" so I screwed up by allowing this to limp along with my needs not being met. The other day when I heard her voice them and we brought it out in the open, it just hit me harder than I thought it would. I just didn't want to rock the boat because I was scared to screw this up. , I'm finding myself trying not to act hurt but I am not very good, I left yesterday in the Morning for a few hours, just needed time away, I couldn't be there with her in the same room and be OK, act OK with my kids there. I will make an appointment and look for marriage therapist after the holidays. For now I need to cope and just get through all these Family gatherings pretending I'm fine when I'm not. When I see her I want to hold her and get some emotion with her but she is not capable. I told her the reason I am not holding her hand or kissing her is because I can sense she doesn't want to, so it makes things awkward when I do try. She texted me when I was gone asking if everything was OK, I said yes I'm fine just shopping for Xmas stopped got her and kids food when I came back had a better day mostly with kids and just tried to avoid her while she worked. I'm thinking of taking guitar classes, and trying to meet new Freinds to try and get out more. I've been such a homebody thst I may be suffocating her by being around all the time. Covid didn't help things but I was already devoting my time to family and kids I just am missing the wife connection. We'll see how the day goes. I feel bad because she is working and I feel like I'm dumping the kids off on her but I just need to get out of the situation to breathe and not let my emotions get me angry or upset. I know what I'm going through is very much like a grieving process but I see her here and my heart wants to think we can get through it. I appreciate the thoughts and I know there is no one thing thst can fix this. I'm willing to work on it I'm just worried she isn't, but I hope so for the sake of our marriage and kids. It's hard to think of my own needs when I'm trying to fix this, but I don't want to continue being in a loveless marriage either.

I'm not judging. I also wonder if seeing a therapist on your own might help. I can't see inside many peoples' heads and tell them if they are in love or not.