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HelplessinAZ
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Default Dec 19, 2022 at 08:45 AM
  #1
. I'm on my 2nd marriage. First one lasted two months and she cheated on me. I was 30. It sucked but we were together 3 years total, no kids so clean break. I immediately went back to dating new what I wanted and wasn't going to let that short marriage stop me from happiness and about a year later after lots and lots of dates I found my wife of 11 years married and 14 years together, with 2 beautiful children a 9year old girl and 5 year old boy. My wife was everything I wanted in a partner we texted every day when we went to work said I love you, kissed, held hands, had sex regularly showered together. We would always check to make sure we made it to work ok and would say "at work xoxo" With the birth of my daughter we were not prepared for the strain, we had a crib a baby monitor but instead my wife was nursing found it easier for her sanity and mine to sleep in the other room. Not being selfish I understood completely, this continued we still had sex just less frequent and my son was born 3 1/2 years later same thing my daughter transitioned to her own room but my wife stayed sleeping in the other room. With two kids less time for ourselves and during this time she had her thyroid removed as well. In short I was dying wanting to be close to her but I thought I just need to tough it out. Plus I'd be such a jerk to demand things when she is taking care of kids dealing with thyroid issues etc. I remember texting her and ending every text with each other xoxo. I know it's small but the day she didn't respond with that my heart broke. It was just a growing sign of her pulling back. There were other signs as years went on, but we got into a routine with kids and just ignored the issues, well for myself I was in denial and my wife was avoiding difficult conversations. With my first wife I aggressively tried to do counseling and save the marriage but I think she was done and that just pushed her away. I was having sex maybe 3 or 4 times a year and it was all me initiating it. She never once in at least 8 years asked to be close. We stopped kissing holding hands. Slowly the things we did together watching TV shows, going out to eat, vacation planning together slowed to a trickle. This year I became desperate to try and rekindle something. My son should be close to sleeping on his own and I can finally get my wife back! How optimistic I am and foolish. I tried introducing sex toys, even asking her what her fantasies were. She told me she wanted to see me with another woman. She wouldn't be involved just me and the other woman. I was shocked I didn't really want that, I wanted her but I kept asking when we were intimate if she was really serious and I it was not just a harmless fantasy sharing in the moment . She said no she was serious then she said my homework was to find another girl to have sex with and she would set up the motel room etc. She said she wouldn't have sex with me until that happened. This is last week btw. So I was joining every dating site to hook up so I could please my wife for the last 3 days. Well online dating sucks I got married to settle down not do this. But last night I got a hook up chat and showed my wife that someone wanted to hook up now. She said ok have fun. Showed her a Pic she said she is cute. It was a 10 min drive and I was nervous. Never would of thought this would be happening. I get there and the girl ghosted me. So I texted my wife she laughed at me and was on my way home. On the way back I asked if we could have a quickie hoping just driving to hook up might of got her in the mood. Got the tired and cranky excuse. She told me to video chat with some girl. I went upstairs and then came down and she was on the phone with a mutual Freind and I happen to overhear her complaining about our relationship and how we don't hold hands or kiss. How she needs to stay away from Geminis and laughing about it in casual conversation. It hurt me so much. I also got she did this because of me driving over to meet up I figure. All that I was doing and enduring was trying to get the spark back. I said we need to talk and I told her I never wanted to be hooking up I wanted her. I'm crying pleading to save our marriage and she just is emotionless. Said she shuts down because she doesn't want a fight. Said she knew she wasn't giving me what I needed so she wanted me to get it somewhere. The real red flag was there seemed to be zero desire to work on it to rekindle anything. I said let's do marriage counseling she said she wants us to go individually but seemed hesitant. Told me to talk to the mutual Freind about it. I told her I wanted to talk to her a bout it. I'm not so optimistic to not see the writing on the wall. My marriage is ending right here before holidays and it probably already was gone but I'm heading off the cliff emotionally and can't do anything to stop this. She is a wonderful mother and despite the hurt and lack of emotion I love her fully. I don't think about other girls I think about my wife. I have not slept in the same bed for almost 10 years. Can we come back from this, I don't know what to do. My support network is just my family never had close Freinds even growing up all my eggs were in my wife's basket and she is tossing it away. I said I feel like this is heading for divorce and she didn't respond one way or the other. How can I go to family holiday gatherings and act like I'm OK? How do I shelter my kids from this? I'm not mad at her just sad. I want her to be happy and I'm just not the love of her life. I should of spoke up instead of trusting that she was doing what was best for us and our family. I already know this will hurt me more than her, I'm invested and she checked out. She said she isn't interested in anyone else she is just emotionally numb. I told her she is asexual for sure, but I want to fight for our marriage. She Doesn't crave sex or talk about it. She has not cheated on me, she just reads all the time hours of romance novels. That is her free time not trying to ask me about my day etc. I know deep down I deserve more but I will go down trying to save the ship. That's just who I am. I need to get in support groups and just try to get a hobby meet new people build a support network but I'm 45 now not young anymore, I don't know if I can do it.. I just don't know how I can do this. I need help. To know I'm not alone, I have tears as I write this in bed alone.
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Default Dec 19, 2022 at 02:54 PM
  #2
I am so sorry you are in this unhappy, unhappy situation. Sometimes couples therapy is helpful, at least that is what I have been told. Not sure your wife would go for it since she doesn't want to go with you to a therapist. Since I am so bad at relationships, I am totally unqualified to give advice. Do you think it might help to just see a therapist on your own just so that a professional could look at your situation with a new set of eyes? Sorry I do not have any wisdom here. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond to it with something truly proves helpful to you!
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Default Dec 19, 2022 at 07:44 PM
  #3
She had her thyroid removed? She must be on medication. This may be the key to why she has changed. Have you researched this?
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Default Dec 20, 2022 at 07:59 AM
  #4
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I am so sorry you are in this unhappy, unhappy situation. Sometimes couples therapy is helpful, at least that is what I have been told. Not sure your wife would go for it since she doesn't want to go with you to a therapist. Since I am so bad at relationships, I am totally unqualified to give advice. Do you think it might help to just see a therapist on your own just so that a professional could look at your situation with a new set of eyes? Sorry I do not have any wisdom here. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond to it with something truly proves helpful to you!
I am planning to seek therapy and marriage councilor, she may be opened to seeing individually, her mother abandoned her and her Sister very young and her Dad raised her but probably wasn't the best situation and she lived with Aunt and uncle for short time so I suspect there are deeper issues she personally needs to deal with. I have no problems seeking help, I prefer to talk and get my feelings out not bottle them up. I knew in the back of my head things were not right but it's easy to be in denial if you think it's just in "Your Head" so I screwed up by allowing this to limp along with my needs not being met. The other day when I heard her voice them and we brought it out in the open, it just hit me harder than I thought it would. I just didn't want to rock the boat because I was scared to screw this up. , I'm finding myself trying not to act hurt but I am not very good, I left yesterday in the Morning for a few hours, just needed time away, I couldn't be there with her in the same room and be OK, act OK with my kids there. I will make an appointment and look for marriage therapist after the holidays. For now I need to cope and just get through all these Family gatherings pretending I'm fine when I'm not. When I see her I want to hold her and get some emotion with her but she is not capable. I told her the reason I am not holding her hand or kissing her is because I can sense she doesn't want to, so it makes things awkward when I do try. She texted me when I was gone asking if everything was OK, I said yes I'm fine just shopping for Xmas stopped got her and kids food when I came back had a better day mostly with kids and just tried to avoid her while she worked. I'm thinking of taking guitar classes, and trying to meet new Freinds to try and get out more. I've been such a homebody thst I may be suffocating her by being around all the time. Covid didn't help things but I was already devoting my time to family and kids I just am missing the wife connection. We'll see how the day goes. I feel bad because she is working and I feel like I'm dumping the kids off on her but I just need to get out of the situation to breathe and not let my emotions get me angry or upset. I know what I'm going through is very much like a grieving process but I see her here and my heart wants to think we can get through it. I appreciate the thoughts and I know there is no one thing thst can fix this. I'm willing to work on it I'm just worried she isn't, but I hope so for the sake of our marriage and kids. It's hard to think of my own needs when I'm trying to fix this, but I don't want to continue being in a loveless marriage either.
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Default Dec 20, 2022 at 08:10 AM
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She had her thyroid removed? She must be on medication. This may be the key to why she has changed. Have you researched this?
Oh it could very much be a possibility along with childbirth and unresolved issues she's had that may not be addressed. She is in thyroid groups online and is very knowledgeable about her condition but I am not able make her look into it, she has not cha grd medicines since getting it removed. I also think if I say hey you have a chemical imbalance let's see if we can fix or add hormones she will **** down further. I think she needs to want to change and another thing that she has done is she has gotten several small to medium tattoos without telling me first in the last year. Oh she tells me after but it's like she thinks I'll try to argue with her so she keeps it from me until after. I never have gotten upset with her but it hurts to know she would do something permanent to her body and not want to include me. I think thyroid could be part of it but I suspect more is wrong Hopefully if I can get her to see a therapist that maybe she can work to uncover these things to look into, I just don't think it would be received well coming from me.
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Default Dec 20, 2022 at 01:30 PM
  #6
Given what you shared about your wife’s history, it’s very possible that her needing to sleep with both her children stems from her assuring they get what she didn’t. This is not always a conscious effort, but instead is a deeply subconscious unmet need she experienced herself.

We remember everything we experience from surprisingly young ages. Yet, it’s more a developed instinct than remembering on a conscious level.

Yes, it’s probably a combination of things that have affected your wife that has changed her behaviors.
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Default Dec 23, 2022 at 07:31 AM
  #7
So I've come to the realization that I've essentially made myself less attractive to my wife by becoming a loner/ homebody. I've seen several articles of how women desire Alpha males and although the Beta male type is great for the house it's not what women are attracted to on a sexual level.

It made sense to me because when I met my wife I was active doing Kung fu, had a good support network etc. My jobs changed became more demanding marriage and kids and 14 years later, I am no longer an alpha male.

Even if I'm not able to save this I need to get back to where I was before marriage. It may save it and give me back things I enjoyed and create something that my wife was missing.

I'm going to start by taking either yoga Tai chi classes to get back into some type of outside activities and start growing my circle of Freinds outside the marriage. My wife freinded all my Freinds so I have few outside our marriage and I think I need that.

I also looked up emotionally unavailable people and it was quite interesting how similar things match and how they have gone for me.

Why it took me this long to do something about it I have no clue. I'm going to start the changes I have control over, go to counseling and prepare for my future either with or without my wife. But my mistake was truly making her my everything. I put my eggs into one basket and that is way to dangerous and unhealthy I see now. I also feel it is only driving her away from Intimacy. I have to make it through holidays first but will start asap.
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Default Dec 23, 2022 at 09:28 AM
  #8
Sounds like a good plan, you can’t change her, the only thing you can do is work on yourself.
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Default Dec 23, 2022 at 01:11 PM
  #9
This is a winning plan for you however it plays out with your wife. Individuation, connecting to yourself.

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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 11:06 AM
  #10
Sounds like a good plan for you. Also looking up ''emotionally unavailable people'' is a smart move.

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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 12:04 PM
  #11
You are/were so in love with your wife that you were ready to sleep with other women?! Your wife might have suggested this but from the deeper issues in the relationship, it is surprising how you instantly believed this would fix your relationship and jumped to it. Worse, you say you did this for your wife?? I would not be surprised your wife would see this as you not being invested in the relationship. Instead of working on the dynamic between the 2 of you, you were ready to bring in a 3rd party.

Someone who claims to be in love would never contemplate sleeping with anyone else.
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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 12:30 PM
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I am so sorry you are in this unhappy, unhappy situation. Sometimes couples therapy is helpful, at least that is what I have been told. Not sure your wife would go for it since she doesn't want to go with you to a therapist. Since I am so bad at relationships, I am totally unqualified to give advice. Do you think it might help to just see a therapist on your own just so that a professional could look at your situation with a new set of eyes? Sorry I do not have any wisdom here. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond to it with something truly proves helpful to you!
I'm not judging. I also wonder if seeing a therapist on your own might help. I can't see inside many peoples' heads and tell them if they are in love or not.


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Default Dec 24, 2022 at 02:41 PM
  #13
This wasn't jumping to anything this has been 9 years of emotional and physical detachment from her and me becoming so desperate to change the status quo that, when she brought it up as more than just a fantasy but something she wanted me to do or she would not be with me physically, it crushed me. I didn't do it and I was open with her at the opportunity and asked if she still wanted me to do it. She said go have fun. Like no big deal but part of what you said is correct I should of never entertained that though and set boundaries, the emotions I'm feeling are causing me to not make the best choices. I'm at the point of becoming numb emotionally that I'm willing to try anything, to get her to respond in someway to me. I'm ashamed, of my choices lately but for 9 years none of this was going on or brought up until last part of this year so it wasn't that. I don't want anyone else I want her but I also need to have an emotional and physical connection, not someone who sleeps with me every couple of months just to get me off her case. I'm certain I need to work on myself and build my self esteem back up, I know how letting this continued to happen without standing up for my needs has slowly eroded my confidence in the bedroom as well as how I feel about myself. It's a tough pill to swallow.
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Default Dec 25, 2022 at 11:41 PM
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Update, Merry Christmas, , we'll it was a day of ups and downs. My kids had an awesome Christmas and that makes me happy. My wife not being affectionate brought me down. Tonight I asked if we could have some alone time and she said we need to talk first so I said let's talk then, so long story short, she has been out of romantic love for me for a long time as I suspected and she does not feel thst is ever coming back. I told her I still want her and don't want things to end but it sounds like this is the eventuality we need to discuss. We came to an arrangement where we will get divorced, and keep things as is in our house. Still living and Co parenting we just will no longer be married. We feel this is the right arrangement to keep the kids in the house, her in the house, avoiding a messy divorce and just continue to support one another as parents and Freinds. She said she was fine with me dating but just to keep lines of communication open and as things progress she can eventually move out etc.

As much as I want her as my wife there is no point to save a sinking ship and we have respect for each other so I think this is the best course. She seemed relieved when I suggested it and I did let her know counseling for both of us is good. I am going to have ups and downs as I'm grieving for my wife I'm losing but that I hope at the end of this we can be the best of Friends and that I will always have a part of me that loves her because she is the mother of my kids. I gave her a hug and it felt Good to discuss it.

I need to move on and be happy and want things a wife should provide that she is not able to do. It still is tough and I wish I could of gone through this when she came to her conclusion years ago but she didn't allow me to know. I hope if the fear she had of me being crazy angry and having a messy divorce were addressed that maybe we can move forward in our lives and both can be happy. She said there is nobody else she is not having attachments to anyone and it might be medical or something but I also said if we do this and somehow we end up finding the love again then we can continue just not married.

It's a very strange arrangement, but we've been together for 14 years. We will talk more but an uncontested divorce is fairly easy with a 6 month wait period incase we change our minds.

I think knowing this now I can come to terms with she is not coming back in the way I need and I can move on but still be awesome parents to our children and Co parent. If I come to a point I want to be with someone and it's serious we can talk about other arrangemebts but I think this is the more gentle outcome for us.

She still loves my family and I hers. We are going to be a part of each other's lives anyways so we will hopefully work it out. But for now we keep the status quo except I can freely date and look after my own needs in the future but I think I need a little self work before I can become a good person for another partner. Plus the arrangement is not traditional so I don't expect a new romantic interest would be keen with me living with my ex but those are the challenges going forward and explaining to our families.
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Default Dec 26, 2022 at 02:17 AM
  #15
It’s good that you had this conversation. From what you have shared I think your wife has experienced changes that have affected her ability to desire the intimacy the way you want to be intimate. I think part of her challenge is due to her childhood history and how things surfaced in her in having her own children to nurture. It’s a desire to give a child something ones self may not have gotten. I also think your wife’s health challenge with her thyroid has affected her as well because of the function of the thyroid and how that affects someone hormonally.

If you can see this as not personally rejecting you, but more of a change in her then your focus can be on interacting with each other that is healthiest for your two children.

One’s ego and self esteem can fair better when taking the steps to understand the reality of what is taking place then the pursuit of an ideal that simply can’t be and it’s not anyone’s fault or a rejection.

Let’s say it was you that experienced a thyroid problem and it resulted in ED and your losing desire for intimacy. You may still love your wife but can no longer be intimate. You may tell your wife to pursue that else where. It’s more evident when a man experienced challenges then a woman. Yet, it i has nothing to do with rejection. Instead it’s a challenge brought about due to a health challenge. These challenges can come up in a relationship and it can be hard to explain or discuss. Sometimes the person struggling is embarrassed and doesn’t know how to discuss it.

If you can be open and willing to understand, the two of you can work towards being good parents and nurturing you children so they fell safe, wanted and loved.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Dec 26, 2022 at 02:51 AM..
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Default Dec 26, 2022 at 09:37 PM
  #16
Thank you, you put into words better than I could. That is my focus 100%, and I need to get in a healthy place, she already grieved for out marriage and I have not.

I also told her to explore what she does desire in order to be intimate because she needs to find her happiness too.

I'm going to admit I'm a little ashamed but I saw that she joined a fetish group. She wants to explore being submissive.

She has an event she is interested in going to at a coffee shop later this month.

I will need to be OK with letting go of that ideal but I told her there will always be a part of me thst loves her. We have 2 beautiful children and she is a great mom. That was the other reason we will continue to Co parent. I still need to deal with filing divorce a d go through lots of counseling but I think we can set ourselves up to be great parents for our kids.

I'll continue to update but appreciate this forum to where I can unpack all this.
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Default Jan 06, 2023 at 08:00 AM
  #17
Happy New Years, I know it gets worse before getting better, but I don't kniw if I'm seeing my soon to be ex for who she is now for the first time or if she is just finally dropping the act that she cared for me. She is definitely more off putting is the way to describe it. She is talking with me less talking more to her friends which is normal I think. We are trying to get counselor appointment we found one we both liked but they are booked for months. I'm trying to get In to see someone sooner.

I also discovered my wife got another tattoo she never told me about long before we decided to split. Just another sign of how little I meant to her. She still doesn't know I know about it but I saw it the other day when her shirt came up. Makes me feel so unimportant In her eyes.

She is still visiting fetish website but claiming she has no sexual interest in anyone.

She is becoming less attractive to me everyday not sure if it's just me finally seeing who she has turned into now that I'm not hiding behind denial. My attraction for her is diminishing slowly.

I started going out more, went to a Tai chi class two days ago and enjoyed it but am thinking of joining a gym and doing group fitness classes.

Also went to a divorce meet up group earlier in the week. It was not a lot of people just 4 of us but it was nice to talk about our experiences. I realized my situation seemes to be much better compared to their experiebce since we are in agreement. A lot of nasty divorces That helped. I also made a friend from that and we are offering support to eachother.

There are a few people I met that give me those single and dating butterflys but I know this is a dangerous time. I'm being drawn to what is missing with my marriage but I need to heal before I can be good in a relationship. It's hard not to want to flirt though but I just hope I don't get carried away. I have a feeling I'm wanting to let this happen just so I don't have to deal with what I'm going through but that is a mistake.

I started going back to work after the vacation. It's good to get involved. I still have not told anyone yet at work. I know people have noticed and asked me how things are but I just can't bring myself to tell them. I hope it gets easier to tell them.

As much as I'm aware of everything, the more we separate our marriage the more painful and exposed I feel. I also am hopeful, I really think I've been in a depression most of my marriage and did not even realize it. Going out and doing some things talking with people I discovered my old self still there at times. The non depressed self who enjoys making people laugh and feel good. The old me who would rather be in the company of others rather than isolating myself.

Hopefully I can get to speak with a therapist soon and give me more guidance and peace through this time.
.
I'm meeting with my soon to be ex this weekendx even though she lives here. My mother will takes the kids, so we can discuss the terms of the divorce. Then I can contact the divorce attorney to help us draw up an uncontested divorce settlement so I can file the petition. Will give an update later.
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Default Jan 07, 2023 at 04:38 PM
  #18
I am sorry that your relationship with your wife became so confusing for you.

The best path forward is to accept that what you wanted with her is not something she can do with you. Try not to resent her for it and look to rediscover yourself and heal this loss so you may find someone else you can have the relationship you want with.

It’s best to work on having an understanding so you can still be a healthy parent for your children.
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Member Since: Dec 2022
Location: Gilbert
Posts: 12
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Smile Feb 11, 2023 at 06:51 AM
  #19
Update, what a difference taking care of myself has done for me.

My Ex and I have met and came to terms on our divorce settlement and are waiting for the paralegal to draw up the papers. They said they are busy but we both should be able to sign a summary divorce decree around March 1st.

That will fast track us in the process we should have a mandatory 60 day waiting period where after the judge can officially dissolve our marriage.

We still get along as before but I do not have the same feelings anymore. I'm talking to a therapist and I realized how toxic the relationship was for me as an individual. We are still good together for the kids but being in a one sided relationship has put me in a depressed state for years. I just didn't have a zest for life.

I've been doing yoga and getting out more. Went to a divorce support group and that helped to see other people in even worse situations than myself and they managed.

I've gone on a few dates during this time and have been honest with them about my situation. I was surprised how many women were ok with my situation it gives me hope for the future. I really didn't feel a connection with any that I've met so, I mostly have gone on coffee dates and kept things just friends , even though I know some are wanting more. I am not looking for just a physical connection without a emotional one.

I told one potential date about my situation and she asked if we could just be friends and I said sure. She seemed really nice and positive.

We met in the beginning of Feb and I am blown away by her. She has been divorced 10 years and has adjusted to life has two grown kids , is a teacher and has a passion for her job. I found myself instantly attracted to her , not just from a physical perspective but an emotional one as well as we shared so much in common. We want the same things in life have similar dreams .

I was feeling something that I thought I would never feel a real connection that I've been missing for a decade being with my Ex.

The funny thing is my friend felt it too. She started showing an interest after meeting and we talked for hours and at the end of the date , I kissed her. It felt right and it was amazing.

So we are dating now, I'm hesitant to tell my ex as I'm not trying to rub anything in her face , but even though she was encouraging me to date , I just don't want to make any big changes or introduce my ex to her until we sign the agreement with attorneys.

She knows im going out, but I make sure we communicate our schedules and spend time with the kids.

I also see this relationship growing in the future but I'm taking things slow and enjoying going out and spending time with someone who is growing to care for me and giving me things I've been missing and thought I would never have again. It's helped my self esteem and I'm finding joy in doing little things again.

So I'm excited for the future for the first time in a very long time in actually happy. I'm continuing to heal and work on myself while I get the divorce done and move into the co parenting arrangement.

When I see my ex , I don't have feelings anymore, I don't have anger or frustration, I hope she can find happiness again too. We don't hate each other and that's good.

I know that I and the person I am dating will feel better once my ex signs and the divorce finishes.

For now I'll continue to build a foundation where I can move on and be happy again.

I'll update with the divorce situation once we sign hopefully before the end of the month. I am eager now for this to move forward. I think this should of happened many years ago. I was just stuck in denial and depression thinking that I had to stay for my kids sake. That somehow my ex would all of the sudden change and connect with me. I see how my mistakes contributed to this. In my new one I'll communicate and bring issues up and deal with things.

My situation is not ideal but I've found someone who seems to genuinely care about me and is willing to work with me despite my baggage and I want to make sure I can offer her the best me I can.

The hardest part is believing that I am worth something again after what I've endured not having love , I still can't believe someone would think so highly of me. I'm starting to feel my confidence and self worth coming back. I'm going to continue to cultivate this and move my life in a positive direction.
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HelplessinAZ
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HelplessinAZ has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2022
Location: Gilbert
Posts: 12
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Default Jul 15, 2023 at 08:20 PM
  #20
It's been a while since last update, just filed the consent decree now it's going to the judge to hopefully sign off and make the divorce official.

A few weeks ago I ended the relationship with the teacher I was seeing. She had obvious issues with my situation and she was very insecure. One minute she would be fine the next she would say I was being too nice to my soon to be ex wife and accuse me of not wanting the divorce. She threatened to let my soon to be ex know about how I know about her fetish stuff and when she threatened that it was the last straw for me. I can't deal with crazy.

I'm just focused on myself started kayaking and still doing yoga. I had a conversation with the ex and told her until she moves out I can't fully move on and it's not fair to whoever I may date.

But either way the divorce is going through and next step is to break the news to the kids which will be difficult. I think this is going to help move us on and start the new normal hopefully, now that the stress of divorce is winding down.

Dating, I'm not sure if I should even try at this point. I would like to share time with someone but it's hard to find the right person and I am not even sure I trust my own feelings anymore.

I'm trying to stay away from dating but I feel like I'm giving off some kind of vibe where people are noticing me and I find myself wanting to jump in head first. I'll still be honest about my situation but I wish this was behind me in feel like I'm not good for anyone until this is completely settled and ex is out of the house. And I don't want a bunch of short term relationships either.

Hopefully next update is divorce is official and she has moved out. Only the so I think I can offer anything to a potential partner but I'm still going to remain focused on taking care of myself and kids first and foremost.
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