Jerry Springer life-not my fault though!

Well, I just posted my first introduction to the main forum, and I am about to exhaust your poor eyes with a truly long post.
Unfortunately for you, my goofy self has found this outlet to vent and hopefully gain truly appreciated support.
I am a mid 40's female with 2 Miracle Boys and I married my high school sweetheart whom I met at 15 and began dating at 17. We married at 22 and were married for nearly 18 years in all during which we experienced infertility for many years, several miscarriages, a touch and go pregnancy then a year of severe postpartum anxiety and depression and inability to bond since I couldn't believe baby wouldn't die.
When I finally conceived baby 2 spontaneously 6 years later, hubby had checked out and began an affair with my best friend. I sensed something off right away and for the next 14 months was in agony being gaslighted by both of them to the point of insanity. The affair was finally proven by her husband bugging her computer. I stayed with hubby for 5 years during which he never really tried to heal our relationship and finally asked for a divorce at Christmas 2014.
I was so very lost. He was all I ever knew. It killed me to see his girlfriend's car at his place-a real punch in the stomach feeling. I only survived for my 2 kids' sake. I still, 8 years later ache over the divorce, sad that the man I married those years ago is gone and that relationship is dead. But dead it is and was for years before he finally ended it. Not much more heartbreaking than being completely alone in the world while technically being in a relationship with someone. When the other person checks out and no longer tries there is little more heartbreaking than crying yourself to sleep while they don't give a rat's *** anymore.
Which brings me to current times, similar crap, earlier into the new relationship. At least Miracle Baby 1 is over 18 now. Which is bittersweet.

Hubby 2 came along in 2016 and we married in 2018. He has a gambling addiction he has fought hard for the whole time. It has been frustrating, but not a deal breaker. It has caused a fair amount of lies coming out of his mouth when he is keeping it from me though which erodes trust.
The problem is that his wife #2 cheated on him in less than a year of marriage which ended just before we met. She then wanted him back after we had already committed to each other and so he said no to her. But, he kept her as a friend. I was ok with that for a couple of years. Then I read emails and acknowledged the lies, saw the frequency of communication between them and said enough is enough. I told him if he ever communicated with her again without telling me that we were done.
That brings us to last month. Almost a year after my ultimatum. I see on my phone records hundreds of texts in 2 days on his line and ask about it and get a nasty exchange of non-apologetic and defensive responses from him the next 8 hours.
I began to pack his stuff for his return from work.
Long story short (haha, too late for that), at this moment we are in a holding pattern because my anxiety kicked up and I decided to wait until after the holidays to make any changes. That gives him a chance to spoil the hell out of me and commit to showing his devotion for me. Maybe I will change my mind and let him stay. I don't want to do this again.
But no. The last few weeks he has missed the mark several times. Simple things like not responding to texts for 8+hours when I text him "I can't sleep" in the middle of the night. Obvious things like responding in a grumpy mood when he knows I am feeling sad. He hangs out in his "man cave" nearly all the time and I am alone, or just with the kids. He doesn't sleep much so he is out there nearly all day and night.
Again, I am married, but I feel so very alone. If he truly wanted me and only me I would think these things would come naturally?
Oh, don't even get me started about sex. He has zero interest. Never really has. Yes, he is male. I never knew a male could have no sex drive. First hubby was a sex addict. Literally. To an inappropriate degree and wanting to exploit me too which was a turn-off. But hubby 2 maybe will be guilted into it 2-3 times a year for a minute which unfortunately doesn't drive me to the end of the driveway, let alone over the top, if you know what I mean. Thank God for BOB or I would go insane but finding time alone with BOB is uncommon because he is not the strong silent type, he is a Battery Operated Boyfriend after all, so a bit of a dummy.
OK so TMI. But let's end with that.
I am wishing you all whatever joy you can muster up. I am going to seek as much joy as I can and enjoy my kids and friends this holiday.
Hugs to all who could use one.

I would like to write a detailed post in response to what you wrote but I suffered a hand injury and cannot type for long today. I did read your post and want to say that my heart goes out to you. So very, very sorry I cannot be helpful at this time. You've been through so much. And so much of it utterly heartbreaking!