Separated

It’s been a week since he moved out. We’re calling it “separated”.

The only people told so far were two of our three kids. It is so long overdue, and everybody knew how we never worked it out, it is so uneventful and blasé in this final time.

I told the one sister I can trust. I won’t tell my mother or other family, maybe until divorce is final. I feel I won’t get support. I’ll get ridiculed and mocked. That says a lot about my family.

The back/forth thing has been the hardest thing ever. What a trauma. This was an actual trauma. I will move on and heal. I had to remove the crazy-making trigger, and I hope to see a more sane me now free from it.

There was a lot of damage done from this toxic relationship. I didn’t realize how much it hurt our kids, but I do now. Everybody’s mental health is the priority at this point.

I’m feeling good. I’ve been caring for myself and getting support from therapists, and support groups.

I’m anxious but hopeful.

Just wanted to let you all know. I am so grateful to all of you here who have given me years of emotional support about this.

@TishaBuv glad you are feeling some closure to a difficult situation.

All the best to you @CANDC

Dear TishaBuv, I am so happy for you! Freedom to be yourself & to have new possibilities. I'm wishing that your dreams will become a reality pretty soon.

This part doesn't surprise me. The worst is the confusion before understanding.
I don't post much about my personal life anymore because no one is perfect (Yes, there are major degrees of good and bad but I now realize we are all a bit broken in some way}. What I always liked about your posts is that you realized your mistakes too. And you made me laugh. Keep on laughing Tisha. Also, no need to look back so much. That just hurts. More has happened to me that I don't discuss. I thought about rewriting that book that I almost wrote from the POV that Jesus' love saved me. If the Almighty One loves me and forgives me, I can forgive myself. Some call the leader of the other side the accuser. I don't want to be involved in accusations unless it is to stop something occurring in the present moment. I am making the decision to not look back. I lived out the pain enough here. Though trauma has to be processed I don't want to do it over and over anymore!! I do pray for those who haven't had the luxury to process their traumas. I know you agree that you have been blessed to have a degree of time and resources to help you process many, many things. I know my view of others was too idealistic and naive. They say that when you see gray hair in a dream--that symbolizes wisdom.

I bet you are trying to live for the present and not look back as much either. Hey, if you aren't, I recommend it!

Yes, one good thing about having ruminated galore is that the trauma gets processed and I don’t want to think about it anymore.

I’m so glad you are doing well, L!

Sending you lots and lots of overdue hugs, and wishes for quick healing. Once I identified and acknowledged the harms done to me by several narcissists in my life, I felt a lot lighter, and far more free.

Your healing has already begun, it appears, and I have every confidence you will do well.

I still have lightbulb moments, where things occur to me that I had buried, or which trauma had disguised; as they come back to you, you'll process them and carry on. Trauma, though very difficult to endure, can make you a lot smarter and stronger. Just give it time.

I feel sorry your family can't be a support for you at this time. Families can be such a mixed bag. You're smart to remain selectively quiet about it all, and carefully choose you confidences. You will be very glad you chose that path.

I have found a lot of help with several online (free, youtube) counsellors. They acknowledged, and validated, an awful lot that was still troubling me. That was a pretty big deal for me.

I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you well!

Many huggggsss....

I'm wishing you the very best, TishaBuv.

I am proud of you, Tisha, for making this most momentous decision. It's been coming on for a long long time. And you finally did it!!! This is the best decision for your own mental health and sanity, and for the kids.



It does say a lot about your family that you feel you cannot tell them until the divorce is finalized. That's sad that you cannot get their support. It is what it is though, and you can obtain support elsewhere.

I told my mother and she was more supportive than I expected. I felt like I needed to post this in her defense. She’s always been hit or miss in her attitude depending on her mood. I now understand the whole intermittent reinforcement thing. I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re just highly neurotic, anxious and it is not bad intent, rather it is anxiety behind all the dysfunction all around. Still, I am not going to let myself get pulled back into the back/forth with him anymore. It is alright if I am just not a person who should be in an intimate relationship.

TishaBuv

Quote:

I’m feeling good. I’ve been caring for myself and getting support from therapists, and support groups. I’m anxious but hopeful. Just wanted to let you all know. I am so grateful to all of you here who have given me years of emotional support about this.

You sound like you are on the path to being able to stop the insanity!

Good job